MerylStreep, a great idea to volunteer. A lady here (Dolly) would help out at the Salvation Army do every year. She was in her eighties but still prepared some veg and was 'waitress' - as she had, sadly, outlived her family. Of course, she got a nice dinner too!
I am a little surprised that the daughters didn't talk to each other before both arranging Christmas away from you. One could have had Xmas at their in-laws and the other Boxing Day. Seems a little sort minded of them both.
If they bring their presents around before Xmas, I wouldn't give them theirs then. Say you are still wrapping. That way you can have a get together after the 25th and have the joy of seeing your grand-children open your presents. Otherwise they will take them away and open them in front of their in-laws.
Have you thought about finding a local charity that needs help on the 25th. Sometimes helping others makes us forget our situation as we see the happiness of people less fortunate. Plus you will probably get an Xmas meal with all the other volunteers and people to talk to. Then go home, find some rubbish on TV (Sure there will be loads), box of chocolates and your favourite drink. No washing up!
Eazybee, I’m quite fortunate in that I have quite a few girlfriends so loneliness isn’t normally a problem but they’re all single or divorced too so always get invited to their own families at Christmas. Like I said, this has never happened before and it’s rather knocked me for six!
It is important this year and every following year that you do not depend on being with either of your daughters and their families... the idea that they 'have' to be with one set of parents or the other puts great strain on relationships. Maybe next year they will want to be with only their husbands and own kids. I know you are on your own and it will be strange.. but you can turn it round and make it a positive. Plan your day.. from breakfast to supper.. do you go to church?.. have you ever volunteered on Christmas Day?.. would you consider going away for a couple of days.. or do you have 'single' friends you could get together with and each make a course..
Please dont be upset... you still have your girls.. but they are wives, mothers and daughters in law now.
Be positive and pro-active.. it lightens their load and they will respect you even more for being a strong role model.
I'm sure they have considered you, but people can't cut themselves in two and be two places at once.
The thought of being on your own is much worse than the reality.
A family Christmas means a lot to me but, everyone moved on and I found myself on my own. I dreaded it but said nothing.
Come the day I had a short lie in then a lovely long shower. I got my new pyjamas and dressing gown on for the day. Christmas dinner was my favourite lamb roast, followed by lemon tart and sweets throughout the day.
Every year since, I've been with my youngest daughter but, if the situation arose again, I wouldn't be concerned.
Just think about what would be your perfect Sunday at home. It's really nothing more than that so treat yourself and enjoy.
I think its a bit mean that they haven't considered you. And I think you should plan a really nice day. Is there a friend you could go out to dinner with, or stay in a hotel with? Treat yourself. Champagne, whatever you like. Then when they ask to visit you, say you're busy.
CrazyH, yes you’re right I am on my own. Boxing Day hasn’t even been mentioned yet!
Rusume, I think I would be upset that my children (apparently) hadn't considered how I would spend the day. It does seem thoughtless. Maybe you could invite them for Boxing day or New Year instead?
Having said that, I chose to stay alone last year and really enjoyed the peace and quiet. I invite my four and their families a couple of weeks before Christmas and do the full dinner - so they're then free to do their own day - but I'm usually a guest with one.
I am really sorry; it is the thoughtlessness that hurts, not even bothering to check with each other or you first.
Do you have any friends you can invite round?
Resume
I don’t Know if you have any experience with volunteering but doing this on Xmas day is a really great day. I’ve done it many many times and would recommend it to anyone on their own or any couples who aren’t particularly interested in Xmas.
If it is something you might be interested in, contact your council or local age uk.
I or we makes a huge difference.
Every year people post about being in their own with their husbands.
Calmlocket
Its impossible to make everyone happy on xmas day when our kids have a family of their own and both sides of the family want them to visit on xmas day. What we used to do is have a xmas day on xmas eve and have everyone round so we could see the grandkids and exchange presents. We didnt do a xmas meal we had a buffet for everone.
Exactly - you can't please everyone, and at the end of the day, it's what you make of it which counts. We've got used to not having everyone there on xmas day - my son was in the army for several years and is now a police officer, so works shifts, as does my daughter, who is a nurse. We just wait until we can all get together and celebrate then. Don't make a big issue of it - just keep telling yourself that it is just a day and do your own thing!
Spread themselves
Kittylester you say “we”, so I guess you have someone to share your Xmas day
It’s not ‘just a date’ when you’re single, divorced, widowed. The OP is on her own. I don’t think she has a partner and that must be hard. I am divorced and would hate to be alone on Xmas day. Thankfully, I have been invited to one or other of the childrens’ houses. Rusume, are they planning to see you on Boxing Day or another day during the season. I hope so. Surely, you will get together at some point during the holiday? Really hoping you will see them. It’s difficult for young couples to spread on Christmas Day. As long as, one day of the week is reserved for you, that should be fine.
Its impossible to make everyone happy on xmas day when our kids have a family of their own and both sides of the family want them to visit on xmas day. What we used to do is have a xmas day on xmas eve and have everyone round so we could see the grandkids and exchange presents. We didnt do a xmas meal we had a buffet for everone.
There isn't any right or wrong about how you feel; the important thing is to make the best of it, and remember it's just a day or two.
Also, there is a difference from being "alone" with just a partner, or totally alone, which it seems you may be?
In which case, at least you can hog the tv and watch what you want!
Special
No you are right to feel upset, it isn't
Just any old day, it's
No you
Christmas day is just a date! We have all or nothing here.
We have 5 children and they all come here one year and go to 'the other side' on the next. We love having them and enjoy the years we don't and have started to go away. Could you do that?
We meet up in the new year if it wasn't our turn for Christmas and I make vast shepherd's pies.
I’ve just found out from one of my daughters that both she and her sister will be going to their respective husbands’ families on Christmas Day. This has never happened before and it means that I won’t see my three grandchildren, the eldest of whom is four and that I’ll be alone at home. I’m upset that one daughter hasn’t even bothered to tell me yet and that the other, when I mentioned that I’d be alone, just flippantly remarked, “oh, I’m sure you’ll find someone you can go to”. Am I wrong to be upset as after all it is just one day, and how do I best handle this? Thanks!
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