Am I right/wrong to be upset that I’ll be alone on Christmas Day?

I've had lots of Christmas days on my own and found it's all about your own attitude to it If you dread it or resent it then it's miserable but if you embrace doing your fave things eating your fave food and planning on relishing the day it can be glorious

My girls always have one Christmas with me then one with their respective in laws. We always arrange a “Fakemas” a week or two before Christmas which exactly replicates Christmas Day and we all exchange presents and have fun and games. It works brilliantly. I would never make my daughters feel guilty as it’s lovely they get on so well with their in laws and it enriches their lives enormously.

We have expectations don’t we? And when our expectations don’t get met we are hurt. So although it’s hard, from this point you could reset your expectations. Sometimes you see your girls at Xmas and sometimes you don’t. So when you don’t, you need a plan B. There have been lots of good ideas on here. Volunteering gives you company, helps you make friends and makes you feel good. At home, choose your idea of heaven. A brand new book, a film , soak in a bath with your favourite bath salts or whatever. Something to bring you pleasure. I know how you feel Rusume. It’s not easy but you will be ok.

It's okay to be upset, you are entitled to your feelings.

Misadventure you are right. So many post that they are on own but are actually with partner. This is not being alone. Celebrate the fact that you have someone to share the day with. I and many more will actually be alone....sighs

It does sound rather mean. How about you invite a couple of girlfriends to yours for lunch but do it now before they accept other invitations. I'm sort of surprised the daughters parents in law haven't asked you too. Heartless really.
I hope it all sorts out happily for you x

I feel for you x

I am on my own since my husband passed away 15 years ago.
Now my Kids have their own lives, we made a pact the Christmas eve would be our Christmas day, we go out for a nice breakfast with my whole family and then carols service in the evening and then a family get together with aunts and cousins.
I would be quite happy spending Christmas day on my own, but my best friend insisted i go to hers 7 years ago and now wont let me go anywhere else - another tradition, but not one that i would worry about if it stopped.

When i first had my family, we would spend Christmas day with the in laws (my hubby was an only child) and we would go to my parents boxing day. When i was a child we used to have the 'day' at home with my elderly grandparents and then go to the younger grandparents on boxing day.

I think it all a state of mind. I like my own company, so being on my own on the day really wouldn't bother me. but I can see why some people would be upset being on their own.

Why not speak to your children and see of they want to do a day either side of christmas day, then you will either have a nice memory or something to look forward to.

For years we, as a family, would have a Family Christmas Day (tree dressing, lovely Christmas dinner with crackers and wine and some present exchange mid December, to accomodate my nursing shifts and husbands Crisis at Christmas involvements.
It remained a tradition even as the children left home.
Now retired, we still have it as an option.
This year (as last year) we will invite a local single friend round (we bubbled with her for care needs) ‘on the day’ and this year, hopefully, have 2 further family experiences sometime during December

Hi, hubby and I alternate xmas day every year. They are with us one xmas day. And the following year they are with their partners families. If any of them don't happen to have a partner on a xmas day apart they are always welcome to eat with us. The xmas days that we are apart, we spend xmas eve or Boxing Day together. Or they all stay over for a couple of days. Which is much more stressful and expensive than just the xmas day together. I have five children, and they all have partners! But from the sounds of it you are alone. So an invite from either daughter for you to join them with their partners families on xmas day would not go amiss. As for how they told you, it sounds like they knew you would feel hurt or upset and didn't know how to approach it. Which by not approaching it properly has added to your hurt or upset. If you are fit an well enough and neither daughter does extend an invite to you, then perhaps you could look for volunteering on xmas day? You may get so much out of it by helping others that feel alone on xmas day. As for xmas day itself. I feel it is over rated. And way to commercialised. Me and hubby have our alone xmas this year and plan to do absolutely nothing. No turkey. Nothing. All these years of putting xmas on for the kids I can't wait to batten down the hatches and do sweet FA ! :-)

I too will be alone for the first time in my life. I am thinking about what to do that is positive. Volunteer? Binge on food and TV? Book a meal out? Go to midnight service? I don't know yet.

No, you’re not wrong to feel upset, strangely my 87 year old Mum chooses to be alone since my Dad died in 2016, however every Christmas Day I “plate up” a mini Christmas dinner and a plate of meat and take it round late Christmas Day afternoon - one of my adult children always comes with me - we then pop in and out for a cuppa throughout the festive period I am lucky as my Mum still lives in her own adapted home and is only 6 roads away. I don’t think your children understand how you might be feeling / we always ask my Mum to come, even though we know she will say no and we used to have my Mum in Law over until she went into a dementia home

We used to have Christmas at home for both parents one year and then go to my in-laws (with my mother) the following year. Do you get on with your child's in-laws, perhaps you could ask if you might go there?
It is a totally different thing if you are at home with a partner than being alone.

How about helping out with a charity for example Crisis? I have two children, but due to work and other commitments we cannot always be together. Some years we have just had Xmas before or after the "real" dates our grandchildren do not care as long as we have fun.

well I think they handled it badly (maybe because they knew you wouldn't be happy?) but nobody has a right to see anybody at Christmas. Does it bother you to be alone on other days?

So it’s ok for your son inlaws family to be alone has long as your not. It’s just a day yes I’ve had a few Christmas days alone because my boys were at their inlaws but we have a Christmas Day before the 25th also it’s just a day. If you go online and google alone at Christmas you will find groups that come up and you can join them for Christmas Day. All ppl in the same position all have Christmas dinner and play party games and have a really good day or you could volunteer for the day and help feed the homeless and think of ours and not yourself. Yes I was alone last Christmas and I did myself a dinner spoke to grandkids via video link and had a bit of a cry and thought to myself it’s just one day. So why don’t you do a Christmas Day for them on a different day.

Having always catered for the whole family on Christmas Day, for the last ten years it’s been hosted by one of my two daughters or my granddaughter and it’s lovely. However, last year, due to Covid I spent it alone, my choice as none of us had been vaccinated then and we couldn’t have the usual large gathering.My birthday on is Boxing Day and I usually do a buffet for everybody but again, not last year. We did FaceTime and made the best of it but I wouldn’t want to do it again.
This year we haven’t made any plans as yet. My younger daughter’s partner has family in the US and is hoping to go to visit them this year and my elder daughter has been laid low with long Covid for a couple of months so who knows.
I’ve been thinking of hosting it myself but my current single house just isn’t big enough to seat everybody at the table.
Whatever happens I’ll get through and so will you Rusume, but I do sympathise.
Do you have a friend who might also be alone and team up to spend it together?
There are organisations who do Christmas lunch for people on their own and I’m sure they’re jolly affairs but I’d rather be a volunteer than a recipient at the moment.
Whatever happens, don’t let it get you down. It’s not that bad.

Sorry to hear this. However, take the bull by the horns…..organise a day…before or after Christmas to have your family around or to go out for a meal with them.
My husband and I don’t have children and our parents have died. Our siblings do their own things with their partners and children. Instead we have arranged a day with our most beloved and we will be hosting a pre Christmas, Christmas lunch.
People get busy, they have their life demands and, I’ve learnt, our expectations of others are what hurt us most.
Wishing you a happy life.

Very disappointing for you and it's a great shame that your two daughters didn't work it out before now, so that you wouldn't be alone and the comment that one made, must have made you feel really cast off and unwanted.
I can only wonder if she has been under pressure from her OH or in laws to spend Christmas Day with them instead of you - only fair that it's turn and turn about.
Is there any other family members that you can invite for the day? Or somewhere in your area that is providing Christmas dinner for others that are in the same situation, maybe in a community hall? You haven't mentioned your health, but would it be possible for you to volunteer to help so that you don't feel so much of a spare part and I bet they would welcome you with open arms!
Otherwise, make the most of the quiet day - buy the foods that you enjoy, a nice bottle of wine, and snuggle down to watch the films and programmes that you know you will want to see and make arrangements to see the rest of the family at New Year. It may well be as much fun as the GC will love having 2 Christmases!

I think at least daughters could have liaised to see who was doing what and then told you before you accidentally found out. It would have been an acknowledgement that it was the first time it had happened and that you would be disappointed.

Why not invite them for Boxing Day and make it special.
I’m on my own and a few years ago took myself out for a drive on Xmas morning, this year I guess I’ll go for a walk then relax with a film on the telly.
We all have the expectation that everyone else is having a wonderful happy family day when actually this is often not the case. A Boxing Day event can be much less stressful and fun
Hope it turns out well for you @Rusume

So totally uncaring am sad for you that your family haven’t thought about you being alone why can’t you join one of them at the in-laws

I would be upset too. Perhaps one of them (or inlaws) will invite you along for the day, in true Christmas spirit.

I am on my own all over Christmas. I have registered to volunteer at Loros Hospice on Christmas day. That has helped me emotionally and given me some focus for the day. Saying it is just another day is useless. It is hurtful when your family do not think about you on what is essentially a family day. I will be thinking about you on the day.

Perhaps you can be the better person and say that’s fine and arrange for them to come to you next year….. can one of the in laws not invite you to join them? This situation has only recently happened to me and they do alternate Christmas and Boxing Day…. Here this year for Christmas but leaving Boxing Day to see the other family…next year it will be the other way round…. I hope you sort something out soon and manage to have a lovely day….you are lucky to have family…think about those people who have no one.