Addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple

I have a friend who always addresses letters to me with my DH's initials, it infuriates me.

We got married in 1968 and I wanted to keep my maiden name and DH was quite happy with that, but when I investigated doing it, I had constant obstacles put in my way. I was told erroneously by bank managers and others that my passport had to be in my married name, that all legal documents would have to be in my married name and so on and so on, that in the end I gave up.

However, if ever I am a widow, I will return to my maiden name.

If the couple have children or perhaps elderly parent living with them, then I write To All AT and then the address.

PernillaVanilla I was taught exactly that! I understand that I annoy my ex H's new wife by addressing cards etc as "Mr & Mrs ExH's Initial and Surname" and that she is equally annoyed that I still style myself Mrs ex H's Surname, albeit with my own initial now as a divorcee, because she believes I shouldn't! I'm a Catholic and it is important to me that the world knows that my children were born in lawful wedlock and when I was first divorced my children were still at school so I didn't want to have a different surname to them. Even at my advanced age I have still spent more of my life, and much more of my adult life, with this surname and I see no reason to change now! I refuse to be styled Ms. As people say it, it isn't even a word, just a sound, "Mzzz". We don't call men, "Mrrrrr" we say, "Mister" as that is what Mr is an abbreviation for. Ms is, in fact, an old abbreviation for "Mistress" which, as a term of respect, is well outdated. I'm nobody's mistress! And will not style myself as such!

well, you're quite likely to cause offence or at least annoyance, irritation to many women by putting their husband's initial or first name when addressing the woman.
if you absolutely know that that is what they want, ok.
but i think you would find very few who do.
so be careful. err on the side of caution.

The correct etiquette - if anyone is interested- is as follows:

Married couple, John and Diana Smith, should be addressed to Mr & Mrs J Smith.
If John dies Diana remains correctly addressed as Mrs J Smith.
If John and Diana divorce Diana is Mrs D. Smith.
This is ingrained in my consciousness as about 30 years ago I caused great offence to an recently widowed great aunt by using her own initial on her Christmas card envelope.

MiniMoon

For many years my DD's in-laws were not married. I just addressed their envelope with their first names, followed by the rest of the address.

My DD addressed her grandparents cards Grandma and Grandad surname. My mother loved it.

We’ve had cards from Gdcs addressed to
Granny and Grandpa,
7 Anyroad
Anytown

Specially lovely when in very wobbly 5 or 6 year old writing.

For many years my DD's in-laws were not married. I just addressed their envelope with their first names, followed by the rest of the address.

My DD addressed her grandparents cards Grandma and Grandad surname. My mother loved it.

It would have been the same "dilemma" if the wife kept her maiden name, no? So either write both name-and-surname sets, or just the first names.

Yes to using a special pen to write cards, I try and do this. Makes writing them a bit more pleasurable than usual a scratchy old ballpoint.
As for nanes in the card, if I have known one of the couple for a long time and don’t know their partner very well I just do as others have said, put that persons name on the envelope but both first names inside. If I have known them both for a similar time I would put Johnny Smith & Susie Green or whatever on the envelope.

anyway, the point is, just try not to offend or upset people.
if you know how they style themselves, put that.
and bear in mind that the majority, i'm guessing, of women hate to have their husband's first name or initial ascribed to them.
i did not realise that anyone even did this now.
but if you don't believe me, just hop over to MN.
and esp from any in-laws, ie husband's family, they find it particularly hostile, as if trying to erode the woman's identity.
it doesn't matter what you were taught at school or commercial classes 109 years ago. or what you think is correct.
it is never correct to deliberately upset people.
if you hate them, why are you sending them cards. don't be passive aggressive. just cut it out. either the cards or the obnoxious, mrs john smith. not many women called john.

why the difference for posted items ?
the house number and postcode will get it there.

Is this a card you'll be hand delivering or sending by post?

Hand delivered ... Peter & Jane or Jane & Peter based on which one you've known the longest

Post .... Mr P Smith or Miss (Ms) J Jones based again on whoever you've known longest

Then just put first names in the same order inside the card.

Shelflife, it's never too late. you can call yourself whatever you like. just remember to inform everyone, esp officials. simples.

HillyN

I would always write Mr T Smith and Ms L Brown, what's wrong with that?

nothing wrong with it, but why bother being so formal, it's not going to an office or the town hall. why not put,
Terry & Linda
23 Acacia Ave
Bigtown

“The Sinners” might cover it ?

Just done 2 to my dear friends; Ms A & Mr B.

The second one differently I've realised now: Ms C & Family - to cover Partner & DC & DGC.

Why do people see this as a dilemma?

How would you address an envelope to two women or two men who are in a relationship where no-one has changed their name?
Both full names, right?
So just do that.

I do what Lucca said. Easy!

trisher

My mother always insisted that a married woman took her husbands initial when she was sent a letter and only regained her own initial when she was widowed. So John Smith's wife Linda was Mrs J Smith until he died when she became Mrs L Smith.

that's interesting - my mother told me that, even when widowed, the woman still should be addressed as Mrs J Smith!

I have this dilema , I simply write both names. My pet hate is when my sister in law sends me a birthday card addressed to me with my husbands first initial! It infuriates me. What did please me recently was a letter addressed to :- Mr P and Mrs F ......now that I will accept. I am not my husband nor am I his property!!!!
Yes I have borrowed my husbands surname but wish I had kept my pre marriage name . A much nicer one too !!!!

Why make an issue out of something that isn't one? Just address envelopes to the people to whom you are sending something. Everyone has a name, don't they? So use it/them.

Jo Smith and Joe Bloggs

I would always write Mr T Smith and Ms L Brown, what's wrong with that?

I was told that the ,most senior male in a family is Mr. XXX, and his wife Mrs. XXX, but that all other males (children siblings etc. are Mr. T XXX etc. (assuming his initial is T!) and his wife Mrs. T XXX

The card is to both of them so put both their full names....that is the polite thing to do