Am I wrong to feel hurt about this?

One Christmas my sister gave me a really beautiful scarf. I messaged her (she lived abroad) to thank her and told her I would be wearing it when I went to the ballet in the New Year as it was so smart.
My sister messaged me after the New Year to ask - not about the ballet - but to enquire about the scarf and if I had enjoyed wearing it. I didn't like to tell her that I'd found it a bit scratchy and it didn't seem to drape all that well. However, I did love it, and I had been wearing it for years before I discovered that it was, in fact, a table runner!

Had a Xmas present a few years back from a friend underneath was a note. Given to me from Mary 2018 . Obviously a gift she’d kept and didn’t want .

The regifting stories remind me of a Margaret Atwood short story about a family who passed around a bottle of Evening in Paris perfume every Christmas and birthday. It was a family joke and they looked forward to seeing who would get it next time. My own family do it with a particularly awful cookbook. Sadly I’ve never received it yet.

OP I too would find it difficult not to feel slightly hurt by this.

Probably the best thing is to ignore it, apart from returning the gift your friend has had the nerve to ask for back.

As next Christmas approaches, I would suggest dropping gifts. You don't have to give a reason, although you might want to say you are finding it increasingly difficult to find small gifts that are actually worth giving anyone, which in my opinion is true enough.

We were hurt the year before my mother died when she was slightly senile, when she gave DH an Advent calendar clearly marked 50p and me a string of fairy lights I had no use for. I know it is the thought that counts, but clearly no thought had gone into this.

Regifting - oh no! Unless you have a very good memory or write down who you got things from the chances are you will at some point give someone their last year's present to you.

If I can't change a present I have no use for, I offer it to friends (excepting the person who gave me it) saying quite frankly, "Would you like this? My sister-in-law gave us it, although she should know that neither of us drinks tea."

That way the friend I offer it, knows it was a present I do not want, and offered it on an ordinary week-day instead of at Christmas or her birthday is less likely to be hurt by having something passed on.

Going shopping without our reading glasses! We all do it, don't we? But that really is no excuse for not checking what we actually have bought when we get home, is it?

I have a 94year old friend and she does things like this. It's the fact that I give her some homemaking at Christmas and like most of that generation she feel she has to give something in return. Smile accept it greatfully and understand the sentiment behind it. My most embarrassing Christmas was taking a present to a neighbours daughter on Christmas Eve. (The daughter almost lived in my house ) her mum and dad obviously felt they needed to give something in return and asked me to sit in the kitchen while they went upstairs. About 10 minutes later they returned with 10 pounds and told me to buy my daughter's something. I accepted but was very embarrassed and I wished they had just accepted the present for their daughter. Thanks would have done.

A friend of my daughter was given a lottery ticket by her very rich mother in law!

I was at DD2 for Christmas Day and we were opening presents. She showed me a beautifully wrapped and decorated gift from her best friend, and began to unwrap it. Was it a fragranced candle? A beauty set? Expensive chocolates? All items given by her friend in the past. As layers came off, my DD2's face was a picture as she took off the last ribbon and wrap to reveal - a large box of drinking straws!

When someone appears to do something hurtful or act in a hurtful way, I have often found that the reason for their behaviour is not necessarily aimed at the person specifically but more a sign of their own hurt, perception, worry, distraction or concern. Did you friend have a lot on her mind when she was organising her gifts? Was she worried or distracted at that time? Was she really busy dealing with other things which stopped her from giving her full attention to what she was doing?

I wouldn't take this personally, especially if it is unusual behaviour for her. We never know what is going on in other people's lives, or what makes them act the way they do at any particular time. Certainly if she is asking for some gifts back, then somehow it does sound as if she was very distracted when she handed the gifts to you. Or perhaps she would happily drink out of date tea? Who knows?

I would shake it off and keep your friendship intact.

After much soul searching and after two years of virtual isolation I was persuaded to go to my daughter for Christmas in London. I don’t think Santa had been using his hand sanitiser as apart from my SIL we all have Covid. Not the Christmas present we would have wished for!

My hard up gran always re gifted all her presents from everybody .
When she died we discovered her notebook detailing each and every gift from and to , so she wouldn't upset anyone , she'd kept a record for over 20 years

When my son was little, he received an annual from a godparent with the puzzles filled in, and an inscription in the front to anotherchild! He also received games with pieces missing. I have a friend who frequently gives out of date chocolates, and undrinkable wine. Oh well, tis the season of goodwill, it's the thought that counts, as they say!

A friend’s well-off divorced father gave her a pocket camera for a milestone birthday. It was boxed and wrapped as if it was new. However he had omitted to delete 3 years of his photos.

Growing0ldDisgracefully

LtEve, that made me laugh, that's the sort of thing my Dad would have done, and not because his mental health was in question, but because he and his friends had the same warped sense of humour!

My dad had the same sort of humour. When he died the undertaker was a friend of his.
The cemetery was by the sea, the mists rolled in and thunder clapped. The undertaker whispered to me wouldn't W... have laughed at all you silly b... standing in the thunder and lightning.
We had already had a laugh as my mother had requested he be buried beside friends hard when he was from somewhere else and the cemetery was split for different denominations, my mother put him where her religion was.
He wouldn't have cared he and his friends always said they wanted to go on the Ash car/Refuse lorry.

Return the tea............

Worst gifts ever.
A small bottle of cheap hand cream for my 18th birthday from my ex. I don't use hand cream.
A really small jar of Kenco coffee for Xmas from my daughter's ex boyfriend. We always drink a different brand. Had known him 3 years and first thing he had ever bought me.

Laugh it off.... If she visits offer her some aged tea. It sounds like she really didn't have Christmas nailed this year, so I certainly wouldn't put any importance on the old tea. I have seen on Facebook that people are playing a game where they hide an awful charity shop find in someones house and see how long it is before they see it. Perhaps it's a form of that?

Worst present? A friend called to visit me after I had a major operation. She came with a box, when I opened it it was a (very nice, from specialist local art shop) necklace I gave her for her birthday the previous month. She said she was returning it as not her style. She didn’t bring anything else. A few years on, I have finally given up the friendship. But maybe the peach plastic bath cushion (remember those?!) from my god mother for my 12th birthday came a close second. Come to think of it, the floating torch for Christmas from sailing enthusiast husband was a close runner up…

Return the tea as well!

I have a friend who has a habit of sending parcels of mixed new and charity shop finds, this year i had a duplicate of something I already have so I asked her if she can make use of it, there is a box of tea - I haven't checked the sell by date! Maybe you should tell her its a brand you don't like, could she make use of it?

Friend used to have aged aunt for Christmas every year. One year Auntie’s contribution to the festivities was a pork pie minus the pastry which she’d already eaten and a bag of coal: one lump for each day she’d be there. There was also a present of an LP of Hawaiian music. ?

An elderly friend from church gave me a beautiful pair of red leather gloves from Mark's and Spencer s few years ago. Unfortunately they were too small, fortunately she left receipt in gloves - return by January 2003. Her heart was in the right place

I have a brother that buys in bulk! Whatever one person is given, the rest of the family will get the dame or very similar.
One year it was plastic bird tables that you stick in the ground - as I was living with my parents we had 2!
The year after we had one of the bird feeding poles that have attachments to hang feeders off.
The current fave is calendars - not one with local subjects or photos that you can get, but the glossy paper ones where the lettering is so small that you need a magnifying glass to read once up on the wall. My son was given one about London (has no interest in the place!).
As for the tea - I think she just made a genuine mistake and didn't check the date.

I wouldn' t be hurt, after all, somebody did give you a gift ...I' d save the tea for when she pops in for a cuppa ...?. As for giving back a gift, I' m afraid my patience stops thete, I' d say I have already opened/ used it.
Why not agree to just swap books or go out for a meal together/invite each other over for coffee next time ?

I was making a cheesecake and didn’t have any digestives so I hot footed it to my parents who always have plenty of biscuits. My Dad grabbed a pack and I started weighing out 250g, he then stopped me because they went out of date in 2018! He gave me a brand new pack and they had also expired in 2019. They now have a biscuit drawer that the old ones come to the front and the new ones at the back.

Let's be honest here. I'm sure we all save unwanted pressies and pass them on to people for Christmas /birthdays. As we age we sometimes don't check them enough.