presents to myself

Maddyone/could you please stop assuming I am criticising karmalady or indeed anybody.
However I am entitled to my own opinions and object to what is coming close to persecution .
I am not rolling in money but I do not regard spending money on myself as a “treat” , but on the other hand am happy to “treat” anybody else.
Somy’s could please give this a rest.

karmalady enjoy your advent calendar, Wentworth jigsaw puzzle and other gifts. I’m sure they’ll give you a great deal of pleasure.

Yes Maw, I know you are a widow, but different people respond differently to life’s events. You say you can just go out and buy a new handbag, a new cashmere jumper, or new bed socks, but not everyone can. Not everyone on this site can afford to go out and buy luxury items such as a cashmere jumper just because. You are lucky, so am I. We can both buy what we want when we want it and that is a very privileged position to be in. I also don’t buy ‘stuff’ for my adult children, nor did I for my elderly mother when she was alive. I tend to give gifts such as experiences, luxury toiletries, nice oils, chocolates, speciality cheeses etc and top it up with money. But what I do is immaterial, it’s about what makes karmalady happy. She may not buy stuff either, she mentions sewing so perhaps she buys items associated with that. Or books she wants to read, jigsaws, or speciality foods. Maybe there is a cashmere jumper in there, but that may just be too expensive for her.

My Christmas present to me this year will be reinstating my RHS membership. I cancelled it when DH became too ill to do garden visits and then there was lockdown and moving house etc.

I’m looking forward to visiting the partner gardens in my new location next year.

How about a charm bracelet with a charm that makes you think of the lovely life you had with your DH? You can add to it every wedding anniversary and birthday. '
Don't feel guilty about buying for yourself it's lovely to open something as well as give to others. We are not all Mother Teressa.
Maybe a voucher for a beauty treatment or a manicure in the New Year.Or something you have always wanted and never dare suggest.
It will be hard for you, my late mother sat and planned a tour of relations in Australia with her friend on her first Christmas without my father.
I hope you have a lovely if poignant Christmas.

MawtheMerrier

I cannot believe that I am alone in thinking that by my age (74) we all of us have too much stuff ?
I would rather treat myself (if that is the word, when all I am doing is spending my own money ) to an outing to the theatre, ballet or opera , or a meal , whatever, but better still treat the family!
Giving is much more fun than getting .

Don't give stuff then Maw. Give an experience or time in the way you have suggested. Its also worth remembering that not everyone in their 70s has "too much stuff". If you feel you have you could try giving yourself a gratitude journal.

karmalady I do this for my birthday and for Christmas since being on my own.

It's not that I buy more "stuff" as I'm decluttering, but buy something I would really like without feeling the guilt - one time it was a 6 week art course, another time a pair of boots.

maddyone

MawtheMerrier

I cannot believe that I am alone in thinking that by my age (74) we all of us have too much stuff ?
I would rather treat myself (if that is the word, when all I am doing is spending my own money ) to an outing to the theatre, ballet or opera , or a meal , whatever, but better still treat the family!
Giving is much more fun than getting .

In your opinion Maw but karmalady gets a little bit of pleasure in choosing a few Christmas presents for herself now she’s widowed. There’s no harm done and it makes her happy. I expect she gives her family Christmas gifts. She may donate to a charity or do voluntary work. We don’t know because she doesn’t mention that, she simply gets herself a few Christmas gifts and enjoys them.

I too am widowed, Maddyone so I do know where Karmalady is coming from.
DH died just under 5 years ago but for the last few years of his life was more or less housebound and incapable of “surprising” me with an unexpected gift although I did sometimes drop heavy hints to the DDS to organise things on his behalf.
But if I wanted a handbag, cashmere jumper or bedsocks now I can just buy them without feeling they are somehow a “treat”.
I was not criticising, but honestly feel I have reached a point in my life where I have all the “stuff”, I could possibly want, plus a lot that I would happily see the back of! So from now on presents to anybody of similar mature years will be of the consumable variety - unusual oils or vinegars, luxury brownies or biscuits, alcohol, pate’s , chutneys, cheeses and the like.
Enjoyed, finished, gone!

karmalady, that’s a lovely idea which I’m sure will bring you pleasure. Do what feels right for you - it matters not one jot what other people think, or what they would rather do. ?

Could not agree more, Maw see what I did there ?
I’ve never understood the treat thing.

Lovely idea karmalady ?My Husband has dementia so I buy myself what I think he’d buy for me at my birthday and Christmas nothing expensive but meaningful to us. I enjoy the memories of special times opening presents with him when he was well.

MawtheMerrier

I cannot believe that I am alone in thinking that by my age (74) we all of us have too much stuff ?
I would rather treat myself (if that is the word, when all I am doing is spending my own money ) to an outing to the theatre, ballet or opera , or a meal , whatever, but better still treat the family!
Giving is much more fun than getting .

In your opinion Maw but karmalady gets a little bit of pleasure in choosing a few Christmas presents for herself now she’s widowed. There’s no harm done and it makes her happy. I expect she gives her family Christmas gifts. She may donate to a charity or do voluntary work. We don’t know because she doesn’t mention that, she simply gets herself a few Christmas gifts and enjoys them.

Lovely idea *karmalady, we all like a treat.
We have an online family group for our Christmas gift wishes, I’ll be adding mine. We have a voluntary embargo on buying ourselves things from about September, I’m hoping my falling to pieces slippers will be replaced!

I think it's nice you have given yourself something to unwrap and do on Christmas day afternoon

I hate it when asked what I would like for Christmas, and always say "a surprise".

Yes, Maw, I certainly don’t want any more stuff. A couple of years ago, when there was nothing I particularly wanted or needed, I did a big shop just for the food bank, and told dh that was his present to me. (Apart from the usual chocs of course ?) Saved him racking his brains, too.

Might well do the same again this year.

MawtheMerrier

I cannot believe that I am alone in thinking that by my age (74) we all of us have too much stuff ?
I would rather treat myself (if that is the word, when all I am doing is spending my own money ) to an outing to the theatre, ballet or opera , or a meal , whatever, but better still treat the family!
Giving is much more fun than getting .

I agree, Maw, so my treat to myself is a month in the Canary Islands, and I suspect my gifts from the family will be €€€€€.

I was never a fan of Christmas, so the Bodach and I usually went away for about ten days. I like the more low key Spanish Christmas.

When my H developed Alzheimer’s and didn’t buy presents any more I bought myself gifts for both Christmas and birthdays.
I had two really lovely handbags and the best was an iPad.
Since he has died I only do it for birthdays now as I get nice things at Christmas from family, we tend not to make such a fuss of birthdays now.
My friend’s H was very generous with jewellery for her and she has continued to add to her huge collection since his death saying it is from him.
Her family are in for a real treat someday.

Yes indeed, the same here Aveline
karmalady whatever you need that is pleasing for your presents, a good idea.When I have wrapped the presents for the family, by Christmas Day I cannot remember most of what I have given.If you do the same, early, it will be a surprise.

I agree with Maw. I don't want more 'stuff'. I do like some things like lovely soap and good shower gel which are usable treats. Outings and events are great too. Sometimes I'm given posh afternoon tea vouchers which I love.
I must say that chocolates and special foods do have an important part in my Christmas.
Enjoy your Christmas day karmalady!

Karmalady
That sounds a good idea. This will be my first Christmas without my DH. I know it will be hard, no doubt I shall have a good cry or two at some point but I'm going to try my best to enjoy it.
We always bought a big tree from a local grower and decorated it in a totally tasteless fashion. At some point, my husband would hide a little gift for me in amongst the branches. He was adept at finding a really obscure place to hide it.
He did this every Christmas for 48 years and I loved it!
It won't happen this year but I am content with my memories.
My grandsons will help me choose and decorate the tree this December, which will be "interesting."
I might pinch your idea of treating myself too. ?

Karmalady, I think that’s a great idea.
I love advent calendars for adults. DH and I have a cut price gin one bought in June, which we will share.

I cannot believe that I am alone in thinking that by my age (74) we all of us have too much stuff ?
I would rather treat myself (if that is the word, when all I am doing is spending my own money ) to an outing to the theatre, ballet or opera , or a meal , whatever, but better still treat the family!
Giving is much more fun than getting .

I think that presents that you buy for yourself are the best! At least you get what you want.

That sounds like a really good idea. I might copy you!