Christmas sadness

I am sorry the trouble with Christmas it seems to highlight the family problems any estrangements and disagreements seem to be magnified many times. I think that the idea of making Christmas something that brings you pleasure is an excellent idea.
my partner and I used to struggle through Christmas, I lost mum before Christmas, it was Mums birthday or would have been, fil died just before Christmas just over a year ago, we have not the best relationship with our children none together both before relationship. So last year we thought we are having a unChristmas. we book a chalet at Clarach Bay by Borth which we love the park was shut but apart from the shop we dont go to entertainment anyway. we bought all the food we would normally not eat nice biscuits Christmas cake and savouries etc. on Christmas morning off on the beach for the dogs and us. a lot of people had same idea! the back to just chill out and do nothing! Boxing day we went to watch them in the sea swimming for charity must be mad but a lovely atmosphere too.
home after but New Year we just go to bed normal time so dont bother with that
i highly recommend it

Before anyone replies with this is an old thread the issue is just as relevant a year on.

I think you are entitled to feel sorry for yourself, but as lots of others have said Christmas adverts make it look as if everyone is having a Walton style Christmas when in fact even when you do have family around they don’t all get on
I used to love Christmas when my children and grandchildren were little but now they are all grown up except for one 5yr old granddaughter who is my life, yes I’m one of the lucky ones who is going to my daughters for Christmas dinner but she will be stressed and moaning about how much everything costs (i (contribute a fair bit) and she’s not short of money and then then there’s the teenagers who just want to be on their devices
And my adult single son who is on his own due to divorce and has a drink problem and gets nasty and nobody really wanted to invite him due to this but couldn’t leave him on his own over Christmas so I have him staying for a week with me hiding half the alcohol.
And then we do it all over again Boxing Day at my house
And probably my two adult children will argue as usual
I’m just telling you all of this to remind you it’s not the Walton’s in everyone’s house for Christmas

I have been thinking about you too Primrose and hoping that you will soon get better news.

Primrose so sorry your DH is still ill in hospital Ive been thinking about you. Hope you’re getting some rest and your DH turns a corner and makes a speedy recovery.

Primrose, a whole host of posters to Gransnet are with you in spirit.

"You tried to be a good Mum, it’s what we all mostly do. None of us were perfect and a good proportion of us just muddled through it all. I would suggest trying to make the most of your invite to your sister in laws and try to remind yourself that for lots of people the tv advert, whole family round the table just doesn’t exist "
Well said by JaneJudge. I just want to add you have every right to your feelings of sadness and self pity. But don't let your private feelings stop you enjoying yourself in the company you do have!

I am so sorry Primrose53. My very best wishes to you and your husband

I can’t even think about Christmas yet. My husband is very ill in hospital. He had a stroke a week ago which was a bleed in the brain.

Now, in addition, he has aspiration pneumonia and a blood clot in his lung. He looks dreadful and can only mumble for a minute or so.

No idea what the next few weeks hold. 😢

One possibility you might consider is ignoring the actual christmas day. By which I mean just do ordinary jobs, cleaning up, washing or whatever and then think how much better you will feel having done some necessary thing and it will be far better than imagening spending the day with someone you dislike. Then on a day of your choosing treat yourself to your own christmas day and meet up or do whatever you like. My sister had a very stressful job in London and one year she was just desperate to just be on her own. When A invited her for the day she told them that B had already invited her and told B that A had invited her. She didnt lie, but let them assume that she had accepted the other invitation. She got in food she liked, stayed in her pajamas all day and did very little of anything. 2 days of that and she felt revived and ready to face the world again.

I’ve looked at the date of the original posting and replies December 17 th 2023 why is this I don’t understand 😥

Suzie62 My heart goes out go you, this could be me writing. My husband died 19th December just a year ago and following an accident I’m disabled and housebound. I’m on my own with just a carer twice a week and three children who couldn’t care less.
I’m not going to moan I’ve done that but this will be the 4 th Christmas I’ve had on my own. We used to go to my daughters for Christmas dinner but as soon as as the Queens speech was over we were taken home so they could have a drink. We didn’t mind that, we were together.
My eldest son has never invited us to spend Christmas with them. His wife’s family are always there but they always came a couple of weeks before Christmas to us and I used to do an early Christmas dinner with turkey, presents, crackers the lot so it wasn’t so bad.
My youngest son is estranged and has no contact with me whatsoever.
There are a lot of lonely people like you and I and it’s sad that we can’t get together.
I’ve been recording some films ready for Christmas Day and I’ve ordered some treats from Amazon, Turkish delight and a cheese and biscuits hamper and a bottle of wine.
I’ve not lost my sense of humour and I do have friends who hopefully will call to see me over Christmas so I’m making the best of it and I’m sure you will too..

Bluebell I hadn’t noticed the date. Well spotted it’s got me chuckling.

That was a year ago Truffle I guess the dinners a bit cold by now

It’s nice that you’re sharing it with your sister in law and she is your husband’s family. Focus on enjoying the company and try not to think about what others are doing. As you say you have done your best let them get on with it and try not to let them spoil your life now. We never know what is round the corner so make Xmas special to you and your husband as life is now. I hope it goes well for you

One Christmas and New Year, about 5 or 6 years ago now, we went on a cruise. The family were a bit put out but anyway we still went. It was so much fun, singing, dancing and generally being a couple of twits!

Christmas is definitely not the happiest time of the year. Considering how much time and love we invested in our kids they seem to forget or ignore us when it suits. My children are all grown, one has fallen out with me and had a complete over reaction to a situation that didnt warrant it, one is totally disinterested in Christmas and one works a lot of unusual hours. This has meant other than for two hours when I visited one on Christmas Day I will be spending all Christmas and New Year. My friends families either live with them or have invited them to stop over with them. This is a situation I could never have imagined being in a few years ago.

Apologies to Sallywally1. I addressed my answer to Suzi62s post in error.
I too hope Sallywallys day with SIL went well.

I hope you had a happy time yesterday Sallywally1

That is a sad situation Suźi62. You say we are never invited, is that a DH and is he the son's father? Are you both in good health? In your 60s 70s 80s?
Next year if you are both healthy enough etc can you go away for a Christmas holiday. Do a bit of "estranging" yourselves

Accept the fact that this is how your son is and you are not going to be able to change him. Forget the financial help you have given. That is in the past. Don't worry about Christmas presents. Just give a token small something....or nothing if you don't seem to get it right in his opinion.
Concentrate on your self, your life your DH if the "we" includes a DH. As so many have said, the ideal family life just doesnt exist for the majority of people. But it is sad and this time of the year makes troubles seem worse.

I just want to send a cuddle sallywally Christmas is my sad time too I want it over and know nothing about it, it brings out all my fears and loneliness even when with others The expectations (of which I have few) just never happen
If I could just disappear on my own for two or three days take a tablet which left me with no memory I would but I don’t I put a smile on my face and try and am always disappointed
I don’t want to wish what bit of life I have left away but roll on Spring no more expectations, no more coldness

I’m sad too, we are never invited to spend Christmas with my only son, he spends every Christmas with his wife and her family, I’m never invited. He complains and tells me not to buy gifts he doesn’t want then complains I haven’t bought as much as previous years. He then asks for expensive gifts which I get him but never says thank you, neither does his wife, they both have good jobs I’m retired on a small private pension! He sent me a book via Amazon unwrapped, he also ignores my birthday, Mother’s Day etc and rarely gets in touch, I feel I have to be grateful for any ‘crumb’ of contact we have and always feel like I’m tiptoeing round him so I don’t upset him. Growing up I gave him everything he wanted, I paid for his wedding/honeymoon, paid off his mortgage…never says thank you…I’m broken hearted and don’t know what to do..

I’m sorry to hear that PoppyFlower. I can imagine how worried you feel whilst the rest of the world seems to be in a jolly mood, but there will, sadly, be so many people awaiting a serious diagnosis at this very minute so you are not alone, and many here with experience of dementia will always be glad to give you a virtual hug. If your Mum is diagnosed with dementia she can, as you say, get treatment and once a diagnosis is made you know for certain what you’re dealing with and can access support and advice. I wish you both well and hope you have an enjoyable Christmas together. 💐

Hi, I'm feeling sad and anxious in the run up to Christmas as my Mum may get her (long awaited) diagnosis of dementia this Thursday. The whole Christmas thing is making the anticipation worse. But I'm saying to myself she needs that treatment. One day at a time.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I am estranged from my daughter for 9 years and it hurts. I also tried to be a good parent. Losing out on so much of their lives and their two daughters lives also hurts. Thankfully her ex husband got in touch after 2 years estrangement and I do see her daughters and they text me. Don’t beat yourself up because your are not alone even though you feel lonely. Why not spend the day on your own. Laugh, cry and eat what you want. Go for a long walk or a drive. But I wouldn’t want to spend the day with another happy family. It will pass and it is only for one day. Sending love and hugs.