How to tell them you didn’t like a present!

Sorry Cambsnan my post didn't help with your question. I don't know how to tell your AC without possibly hurting their feelings.

This has made me have a think about presents I bought my parents or sibling over the years which I thought they would like and possibly they didn't. And I would have been upset to be told they didn't. Too late now for me and too late for your latest gift. But if you can just firmly suggest no presents next birthday or christmas for you. Let's have an outing instead and suggest the outing.....
I suppose we all ought to be more open with each other and that's often not easy either for some of us.

I agree with your post Doodledog "we expect too much from the act of gift giving".
I dont need or want anything as I am trying to get rid of "stuff" and I buy what I need.
I give my daughters cheques at .christmas and birthday as they have both recently bought properties and cheques can go towards anything and I dont want them to spend their money on me. It would be mad for them to "waste" money on something I would never wear or use. So I do say just a card is more than enough and hope they keep to that.

I would suggest it but in a subtle way, perhaps later in the year mentioning that a ‘friend’ had bought something you didn’t like. I would drop hints for something you DO like for example my son knows I like l’occitane lemon shampoo but which I would not personally buy as it is expensive for a shampoo at around£16, but which might be a relatively cheap Xmas present.

My daughters got me a pair of those awful beaded glasses keepers, the ones you put round your neck to keep your reading glasses handy as a Christmas gift and to add insult to injury they were bright yellow. Never in a million years would I wear a pair of those things willingly but they thought they were cute and cheerful looking so I thanked them and said they were beautiful and attached them to my glasses. My girls were happy. Now the silly things live in my jewellery box and no one is any the wiser.
You can offer suggestions as to what you would like throughout the year but I personally would never tell my children, or anyone for that matter, that I did not like their gift.

Doodledog - I love your Mum - she’s just one of those who loves to complain. At 90, she’s allowed freedom of speech 😂. I once told my daughter-in-law, the outfit she got me made me look like a sack of potatoes. And, I’m a long way from being 90 !!!I still regret saying that. Has she forgiven me ? I think she has, because she bought me a beautiful coat for Xmas .
Cambsman don’t say anything.

Doodledog

My mum never likes the presents my sister and I get her, and it's so disheartening. She tells us why she didn't like the latest gift, probably so we don't waste our money in future, but it's too late when we've already spent it, and we are no wiser afterwards, as she never tells us what she would like, so other than adding to the very long list of things she doesn't want, we are back to square one every birthday and Christmas.

At her age she has everything she needs, and she can buy everything she wants. She doesn't like sweets, doesn't wear accessories or make-up, prefers her own jewellery, doesn't like bath products and gets through one bottle of perfume every few years. Candles or diffusers are a non-starter as she has a cat, and she's not a fan of gadgets. As you can see, that limits our options, yet she expects us to surprise her with something she'll like, and always lets us know that we've missed the mark and she's given away the present because she won't use it, or that we really shouldn't get her another one, as it's not her sort of thing at all.

Honestly, Cambsnan, I wouldn't tell them. They've bought you things out of love, in the hope that you will like them. If you can let them know what you would like, that would be great (I wish my mum would do that), but if that's not how your family operates, I would just pretend that you are delighted.

Sorry Cambsnan, no suggestions to add to the others already made, but Doodledog, I found a thing the other day called a candle warmer lamp, which means you can enjoy scented candles without lighting them, so safer if you have pets/small children/a tendency to drop off to sleep. There are loads of different styles to choose from, but if it was something your Mum could tolerate/would like then at least scented candles could become an option in the future!

I haven't had a present from either of my sons for donkeys years and my daughter spent 8 pounds on me last xmas. I spend at least 100 pounds on my daughter ,I ask what she would like she doesn't say .. I would never return a present and say I didn't like unlike my dead mother in law .

I wouldn't say a word. I would smile, say thank you, put them in the back of a cupboard and a year later give them to a charity shop.

Difficult. Maybe ask for charity donations in your name instead of physical gifts.
I once gave the in-laws the food steamer they had gifted us, because theirs had broken. I hadn't used it simply because I had an aga and a pan steamer so didn't need an electric one. They took it back to where they had bought it from and changed it for a "decent" one.

Word got back to me I was mean and nasty because I gave them their gift back.

OP, I'm surprised your children don't know you can't wear wool. I can't have the stuff anywhere near me and my son is very well aware. Mind you, we stopped buying each other presents years ago. I'm trying to get rid of things not accumulate them and he's a computer geek so I wouldn't have a clue.

They're your children, just come straight out with it, or make a suggestion if there is something you would particularly like.

Introduce the idea of buying presents only for children? Or a £10 cap on a ‘just for fun’ gift for adults? I find it so hard to source presents for grown-ups. We all have our own tastes. And too much stuff!

I find Gifting between adults can be difficult and stressful. I would not mention the unsuitability if any gift received, but I would take the opportunity to pave the way for future gifting to say something along the lines of " I don't really need any more stuff at my age, but if you want to get me a gift then [ insert preferred item ideas] e.g a pot plant, flowers, X brand chocolates, X brand toiletries, X store voucher, book title by Xx etc) would be greatly appreciated as these are things I would appreciate the most"
personally I also like experiences such as theatre or cinema tickets, but theses can be hit and miss as well and I would personal steer clear of gifting anything that involves the recipient in a huge outlay in travel costs.

We all said the same thing a few years ago and now there are little ones Christmas can get quite expensive. So there are 6 adults so we pick a name each out of a hat and we buy that person a present to the value of 50.00 much less than if we had to buy for 5 people. Because we know what value we have we fine that person a few ideas on what we would like - we have done it for 4 years now and it works out so well

No, we've bought hampers before, only to get items back as she'd never use them, or 'it's not worth opening them as they'd go off before they were used', and my mum has far more money than we do, so there's no point there, either. I think there is more going on than that we 'get it wrong', to be honest. I think there is some sort of unfulfilled need that nobody can meet.

We have asked her for ideas, and she says something like 'oh, don't spend your money on me', but she doesn't mean it . Sometimes she has specified an item, but even then it's always too big, too small, the wrong shade or there is something else not right with it. She regifts a lot of what we buy.

I'm past caring now, really. I only mentioned it as people were suggesting that the OP should let her children know that their efforts were wasted, and I really don't think that this is good advice unless this is money that they really can't afford to waste and the OP really needs the gifts, and that's not what is coming through in her posts.

In our family if it is a clothing item we include a gift receipt in an envelope just in case it is the wrong size/colour/not to the recipient’s taste. This way, if it is liked we have no need to look at the receipt and if not it saves embarrassment all round.

Doodledog how about a food hamper? Or money for her to spend on what she likes?

We that’s the royal we… usually get stocking type pressies as well as a main one for family. Our DiL Christmas 2022 said that she would give the smellies we bought her to her Mom as she could only use Aveeno…

We would never dream of saying that we didn’t like something…. I did spot fine bone china mugs with Nanna and Grandad on which I did point out - but Father Christmas never brought those… hey ho birthdays are still to come…

I bought my mother some woollen tights, as she felt the cold. She wore them on a long coach journey and was driven mad by them itching.
She had no problem at all in telling me about them!😁

Suggest you give them a list of things you'd like - this works very well for our family.

I hate it when my adult children buy me useless presents. For my birthday last summer my daughter bought me a polyester nightie size 16 I only wear cotton in bed and I’m a size 20 ! My son isn’t much better I told him I was desperate for a new house phone as I had dropped mine so I would appreciate it if he bought me one, he said he would. My birthday arrived also a florist delivery with a massive bouquet of flowers from him, lovely but as I suffer from hay fever I donated them to the church and I bought my own phone. My niece bought me a basket of non flowering plants, my friend an orchid, my cousin a set of three books written by a local author, and two other friends joined together and treated me to a hair appointment to have high lights done, so there are plenty of ideas for gifts for old ladies 😊

If I'm stuck I get a planter for the front door for male or female.

We had our twin daughters visiting with their husbands, 2 canines and the 3 grand kiddos for 3 weeks.

My husband covered their 2 hotel rooms. The grandchildren and the 2 canines stayed with us.

They know I collect cashmere and 100% wool scarves and so one gave me a 2 scarves each in different neutrals. And the other knows I love Carolina Herrera and so, I received a bottle of her classic perfume.

The Kids were so happy to be able to spend their holidays with us and the 2 canines as well .. They had our 2 Birman as playmates and was just wonderful.

In 2022, we visited one of the twins and the other twin travelled with us and her 2 children and her canine.

We take turns however, we truly do not enjoy flying during the holidays. It is horrendous, with long queues and delays etcetra.

Cossy

Every November we do a list on our family WhatsApp Works so much better and everyone gets what they want and like. Just make the suggestion you do this at this coming Christmas x

Since our daughters and son in laws are adults, we do a list of some wants or when they visit during the holidays we always take them out for a wonderful dinner and gift a physical gift to the 3 grandchildren and 2 canines of course.

We do discuss the subject in October, as to a possible what do you need or wish to have ?

Namsnanny

Re package back to the gift giver next Christmas maybe?😂

Humourous !!

I would do same .. if it was really a scent I did not care for.

You could suddenly have developed very sensitive skin which is reacting to the wool and perfume, and this has made you think of the environment, so you’d prefer some flowers or special food in future.
Best to say it now, rather than near your birthday.