Sister is Weird about Christmas & Doesn't Like Her Family

It sounds like she dislikes you as much as you dislike her.. I'd keep away.. there's absolutely no guarantee that families will like each other or want to spend time together.. time for a reality check...

I completely understand how you feel, if my sibling behaved that way I would be upset too. However ........it is what it is ! Very difficult to understand I get that but please try and accept.Have a lovely Christmas with your friend and don't dwell on what you can not change. 💐

Why would that bother you?
You aren't in charge of her.
She can do as she wants, and live with the consequences of doing as she wants.

As for deciding in advance that she probably wouldn't be happy if this or that happens... just weird.

MissAdventure

Why would that bother you?
You aren't in charge of her.
She can do as she wants, and live with the consequences of doing as she wants.

As for deciding in advance that she probably wouldn't be happy if this or that happens... just weird.

She' really looking forward to grandchildren one day. I don't think it's weird to extrapolate that she would not be happy never to see them at Christmas. That would be a normal reaction of most grandparents, not a weird one.

pascal30

It sounds like she dislikes you as much as you dislike her.. I'd keep away.. there's absolutely no guarantee that families will like each other or want to spend time together.. time for a reality check...

Yes, she's never liked her own family or her husband's family, I suppose.

MissAdventure

Why would that bother you?
You aren't in charge of her.
She can do as she wants, and live with the consequences of doing as she wants.

As for deciding in advance that she probably wouldn't be happy if this or that happens... just weird.

Why would what bother me? Her Christmas attitude? Don't know. Could be because I lost my last parent three months ago and have no partner after my husband was abusive, and also no kids. Just a guess.

Shelflife

I completely understand how you feel, if my sibling behaved that way I would be upset too. However ........it is what it is ! Very difficult to understand I get that but please try and accept.Have a lovely Christmas with your friend and don't dwell on what you can not change. 💐

Thank you so much for such a nice and understanding reply. I find her attitude crazy. If she dislikes us all so much that she wouldn't even have my parents when they were ill, and barely let them see their grandchildren as well, I don't get why she doesn't just go no-contact.

But that would have meant no inheritance.

Can totally relate and I reckon she'll be absolutely fine if her children don't want her round for future Christmases. It's one day of goodwill and joy which often turns into ill will and tears. Enforced family jollity is not for everyone. Sorry for you losses. I hope you let the bitterness subside and have a lovely Christmas.

Esperanza1974

Shelflife

I completely understand how you feel, if my sibling behaved that way I would be upset too. However ........it is what it is ! Very difficult to understand I get that but please try and accept.Have a lovely Christmas with your friend and don't dwell on what you can not change. 💐

Thank you so much for such a nice and understanding reply. I find her attitude crazy. If she dislikes us all so much that she wouldn't even have my parents when they were ill, and barely let them see their grandchildren as well, I don't get why she doesn't just go no-contact.

But that would have meant no inheritance.

Wow! If she knows you have such a low opinion of her, are you really surprised that she doesn't want to spend Christmas with you?

I know loads of people who would rather spend Christmas Day just with their immediate family or partner. It doesn't mean they're anti-social, but they're allowed to do what they want on one day of the year.

Deedaa that behaviour would have driven me up the wall.
I would have to find somewhere else to go- I am assuming it was just Christmas time🫤

Erm, her parents and sister are immediate family.

And yes, I have a low opinion - in some ways - of someone who won't even invite their widowed, terminally ill dad for Christmas.

@growstuff said:

Wow! If she knows you have such a low opinion of her, are you really surprised that she doesn't want to spend Christmas with you?

I know loads of people who would rather spend Christmas Day just with their immediate family or partner. It doesn't mean they're anti-social, but they're allowed to do what they want on one day of the year

My reply:

Erm, her parents and sister are immediate family.

And yes, I have a low opinion - in some ways - of someone who won't even invite their widowed, terminally ill dad for Christmas.

I've just been out with a friend and feel a bit happier now.

I have to accept that she doesn't love me enough to want Christmas with me. It's just hard.

Sorry that you feel this way. She owes you nothing. Once she became an adult she had no duty to contact you or her parents at all. I know you find this weird but it's just fine. Get over it. She owes you nothing and you don't have to psychoanalyse her behavior or discuss it with others or brew with hatred or jealousy or whatever is going on in your head
Get on with your life and leave her be and see a counselor therapist if you have trouble living with your fate.

If it makes anyone feel better: My Sister Is Weird Too !!!

Macadia

Sorry that you feel this way. She owes you nothing. Once she became an adult she had no duty to contact you or her parents at all. I know you find this weird but it's just fine. Get over it. She owes you nothing and you don't have to psychoanalyse her behavior or discuss it with others or brew with hatred or jealousy or whatever is going on in your head
Get on with your life and leave her be and see a counselor therapist if you have trouble living with your fate.

I will get over it; it's just hard this year with my second parent having died recently and my divorce, and my first Christmas with no parents. It's an adjustment to go from having two parents and a longterm marriage to none of them being around. Thanks for your comment. Sorry your sister is weird.

Hithere

I am afraid you have answered your own question

"Ever since I can remember, she didn't want much to do with our parents or me, starting in her early teens. She just hated spending time with us. "

So your sister likes spending Christmas the same she grew up, may I ask why does it surprise you this much?

She clearly showed her preferences early in, which are the opposite of yours.

I do hope you enjoy Xmas this year and in future years as well.
I would stop having unreasonable and unrealistic expectations on your sister

This is what I think too.
Some people just don’t want to see family, sometimes with good reasons and sometimes no reason at all.People are strange!

It’s up to your sister how she and her family spend Christmas. It’s not very nice to moan to strangers about her on here. Perhaps her DH and ACs longed to be ‘just them’ after the 30 years when she felt obliged to provide Christmas for wider family on both sides. Why do you feel you have the right to be so resentful and disapproving of her choices? You are clearly very bitter and judgmental. Not sure I’d want you at my house over a special time if you talked about me like this behind my back! Focus on enjoying your own life.

Autumncolours a very harsh response to someone who is grieving.

Aldom

Autumncolours a very harsh response to someone who is grieving.

Autumncolours truth can be harsh, and sometimes there's no way to make it less harsh.

What a lot of hate, resentment and anger you have in you, just because they way your sister spends Christmas, doesn't meet with your approval.

What right have you to demand that your sister spends Christmas, Easter, birthdays or any other special days as you demand. How would you feel if she insisted you had to spend those days as she wanted not as you wanted?

Special occason arrangements are not carved in stone. Seeing how much venom you are spitting at your sister, if that is typical of how your family works I can quite understand why she wants to keep you at a distance, especially at Christmas.

I'm not sure that her behaviour at Christmas is weird as such; just different. There's a lot of pressure on everyone to embrace what is portrayed as "family time", but it's not for everyone. It seems as if your sister has always been like that, so perhaps it's that you're feeling it a lot more this year due to your bereavements and divorce. That's understandable, but I'd try to accept it and have a lovely time with your friend.

Is this some kind of story? Why were the parents regarded as something to be shared out? Did they not have a voice?

MissAdventure

Hmmmmm...

Indeed.

Esperanza1974

@growstuff said:

Wow! If she knows you have such a low opinion of her, are you really surprised that she doesn't want to spend Christmas with you?

I know loads of people who would rather spend Christmas Day just with their immediate family or partner. It doesn't mean they're anti-social, but they're allowed to do what they want on one day of the year

My reply:

Erm, her parents and sister are immediate family.

And yes, I have a low opinion - in some ways - of someone who won't even invite their widowed, terminally ill dad for Christmas.

By 'immediate family' I meant spouse/partner and children.