Sister is Weird about Christmas & Doesn't Like Her Family

Can totally relate and I reckon she'll be absolutely fine if her children don't want her round for future Christmases. It's one day of goodwill and joy which often turns into ill will and tears. Enforced family jollity is not for everyone. Sorry for you losses. I hope you let the bitterness subside and have a lovely Christmas.

Shelflife

I completely understand how you feel, if my sibling behaved that way I would be upset too. However ........it is what it is ! Very difficult to understand I get that but please try and accept.Have a lovely Christmas with your friend and don't dwell on what you can not change. 💐

Thank you so much for such a nice and understanding reply. I find her attitude crazy. If she dislikes us all so much that she wouldn't even have my parents when they were ill, and barely let them see their grandchildren as well, I don't get why she doesn't just go no-contact.

But that would have meant no inheritance.

MissAdventure

Why would that bother you?
You aren't in charge of her.
She can do as she wants, and live with the consequences of doing as she wants.

As for deciding in advance that she probably wouldn't be happy if this or that happens... just weird.

Why would what bother me? Her Christmas attitude? Don't know. Could be because I lost my last parent three months ago and have no partner after my husband was abusive, and also no kids. Just a guess.

pascal30

It sounds like she dislikes you as much as you dislike her.. I'd keep away.. there's absolutely no guarantee that families will like each other or want to spend time together.. time for a reality check...

Yes, she's never liked her own family or her husband's family, I suppose.

MissAdventure

Why would that bother you?
You aren't in charge of her.
She can do as she wants, and live with the consequences of doing as she wants.

As for deciding in advance that she probably wouldn't be happy if this or that happens... just weird.

She' really looking forward to grandchildren one day. I don't think it's weird to extrapolate that she would not be happy never to see them at Christmas. That would be a normal reaction of most grandparents, not a weird one.

Why would that bother you?
You aren't in charge of her.
She can do as she wants, and live with the consequences of doing as she wants.

As for deciding in advance that she probably wouldn't be happy if this or that happens... just weird.

I completely understand how you feel, if my sibling behaved that way I would be upset too. However ........it is what it is ! Very difficult to understand I get that but please try and accept.Have a lovely Christmas with your friend and don't dwell on what you can not change. 💐

It sounds like she dislikes you as much as you dislike her.. I'd keep away.. there's absolutely no guarantee that families will like each other or want to spend time together.. time for a reality check...

theworriedwell

Esperanza1974

theworriedwell

Esperanza1974

theworriedwell

It isn't really weird, it is just that she likes something different to you. This year is the 54th year I've had family round for Christmas, the one year I had off was in covid and to be honest it was so easy and relaxing. Yes I missed seeing everyone, particularly the young GC but I have to confess it did have it's attractions.

She wouldn't have our parents for Christmas when they had terminal cancer. I think that's very weird. And they loved her and did so much for her. And it wasn't because the illness would have got in the way, they were at the stage where they were terminal but you wouldn't know it if you didn't know.

So she had your parents and the ILs every year for 30 years and then she left you to it for 2 years? Why wouldn't you take your turn, sounds like she did plenty.

Absolutely not. I've spent the last five Christmases with my dad because she refused to see him. Before that, we took turns, always. We both swapped with our parents and our in-laws each year.

When my parents were both ill with erminal cancer, a few years apart, it was me who took care of them. I don't have kids, of course. But she rarely visited and certainly didn't bring the grandchildren, even when they were terminal but you wouldn't know. And when she did see them for Christmas, pre-2019, she would only have them for three days. I spent weeks and months with my parents when they were ill, and when they came to visit me, it was for two weeks. I particularly spent many many months with my dad during the two years of his illness, since she wouldn't do anything.

Sorry I thought you were saying she had your parents and ILs every year for 30 years which would be a lot.

It still comes down to you wanted to spend that time with them and she didn't. We are all different and she likes time with her husband and kids which is true for lots of people.

You are better off with friends who will enjoy Christmas with you.

Yes, definitely better off.

Exactly, she just wants to be with her husband and kids, and no one else.

Just as long as she accepts it with equanimity if her own kids don't want to see her at Christmas when they're older and have kids too, whether she's terminally ill, widowed, or not. If she accepts staying home alone in that situation with good grace and not seeing her GC, then I'd consider her behaviour to be fair enough.

But something tells me she would not be happy with that.

growstuff

Maybe you should stop guilt-tripping your sister about your parents and b*tching about her behind her back. I have no idea why you would want to be with her at Christmas, if this is how you feel about her. I know that I wouldn't want to be with somebody who makes me uncomfortable.

I haven't guilt-tripped her; I'm on here venting as a harmless alternative. And I'm interested to know if anyone else has a family member like this.

And yes, I don't want to go to hers anyway under the circs. What I want is for her not to be/have been so against her own family.

It's kind of like she's just allergic to her whole family unless it's her husband or kids. It's so irrational that it would almost be funny, if it wasn;t so horrible.

After our mum died 12 years ago, my dad got a companion, a widow. They were clear that they wouldn't get married, or live together, they just spent time together. So the woman was no threat to my sister's inheritance.

And my sister HATED this woman with a vengeance. It never got better.

She just seems to hate everyone that she hasn't handpicked herself to be in her life.

Now I come to think of it, she's a bit like Meghan Markle. Husband and kids only, and no one else.

Maybe you should stop guilt-tripping your sister about your parents and b*tching about her behind her back. I have no idea why you would want to be with her at Christmas, if this is how you feel about her. I know that I wouldn't want to be with somebody who makes me uncomfortable.

Esperanza1974

theworriedwell

Esperanza1974

theworriedwell

It isn't really weird, it is just that she likes something different to you. This year is the 54th year I've had family round for Christmas, the one year I had off was in covid and to be honest it was so easy and relaxing. Yes I missed seeing everyone, particularly the young GC but I have to confess it did have it's attractions.

She wouldn't have our parents for Christmas when they had terminal cancer. I think that's very weird. And they loved her and did so much for her. And it wasn't because the illness would have got in the way, they were at the stage where they were terminal but you wouldn't know it if you didn't know.

So she had your parents and the ILs every year for 30 years and then she left you to it for 2 years? Why wouldn't you take your turn, sounds like she did plenty.

Absolutely not. I've spent the last five Christmases with my dad because she refused to see him. Before that, we took turns, always. We both swapped with our parents and our in-laws each year.

When my parents were both ill with erminal cancer, a few years apart, it was me who took care of them. I don't have kids, of course. But she rarely visited and certainly didn't bring the grandchildren, even when they were terminal but you wouldn't know. And when she did see them for Christmas, pre-2019, she would only have them for three days. I spent weeks and months with my parents when they were ill, and when they came to visit me, it was for two weeks. I particularly spent many many months with my dad during the two years of his illness, since she wouldn't do anything.

Sorry I thought you were saying she had your parents and ILs every year for 30 years which would be a lot.

It still comes down to you wanted to spend that time with them and she didn't. We are all different and she likes time with her husband and kids which is true for lots of people.

You are better off with friends who will enjoy Christmas with you.

Hmmmmm...

Deedaa

My husband always hated Christmas. To start with we would spend it with his parents one year and mine the next. Once we had children they would come to us. He hated the whole family thing, he left me to do cards and presents and never really enjoyed getting presents himself. When we had Christmas lunch he would take his plate into the living room and eat on his own, and then disappear off to the bedroom for the afternoon. He was much happier on Boxing Day when everyone had gone. I put most of it down to the ASD that he always denied having.

That's interesting, thank you.

My husband always hated Christmas. To start with we would spend it with his parents one year and mine the next. Once we had children they would come to us. He hated the whole family thing, he left me to do cards and presents and never really enjoyed getting presents himself. When we had Christmas lunch he would take his plate into the living room and eat on his own, and then disappear off to the bedroom for the afternoon. He was much happier on Boxing Day when everyone had gone. I put most of it down to the ASD that he always denied having.

theworriedwell

Esperanza1974

theworriedwell

It isn't really weird, it is just that she likes something different to you. This year is the 54th year I've had family round for Christmas, the one year I had off was in covid and to be honest it was so easy and relaxing. Yes I missed seeing everyone, particularly the young GC but I have to confess it did have it's attractions.

She wouldn't have our parents for Christmas when they had terminal cancer. I think that's very weird. And they loved her and did so much for her. And it wasn't because the illness would have got in the way, they were at the stage where they were terminal but you wouldn't know it if you didn't know.

So she had your parents and the ILs every year for 30 years and then she left you to it for 2 years? Why wouldn't you take your turn, sounds like she did plenty.

Absolutely not. I've spent the last five Christmases with my dad because she refused to see him. Before that, we took turns, always. We both swapped with our parents and our in-laws each year.

When my parents were both ill with erminal cancer, a few years apart, it was me who took care of them. I don't have kids, of course. But she rarely visited and certainly didn't bring the grandchildren, even when they were terminal but you wouldn't know. And when she did see them for Christmas, pre-2019, she would only have them for three days. I spent weeks and months with my parents when they were ill, and when they came to visit me, it was for two weeks. I particularly spent many many months with my dad during the two years of his illness, since she wouldn't do anything.

Esperanza1974

theworriedwell

It isn't really weird, it is just that she likes something different to you. This year is the 54th year I've had family round for Christmas, the one year I had off was in covid and to be honest it was so easy and relaxing. Yes I missed seeing everyone, particularly the young GC but I have to confess it did have it's attractions.

She wouldn't have our parents for Christmas when they had terminal cancer. I think that's very weird. And they loved her and did so much for her. And it wasn't because the illness would have got in the way, they were at the stage where they were terminal but you wouldn't know it if you didn't know.

So she had your parents and the ILs every year for 30 years and then she left you to it for 2 years? Why wouldn't you take your turn, sounds like she did plenty.

V3ra

^This is my first Christmas with no parents and I also got divorced this year. She begrudgingly said she would have me if I had nowhere else to go, but she's been very clear about how much she detests seeing her family at Christmas. I'm spending it with a friend.^

You can't change her.
Enjoy your Christmas with your friend, someone who actually wants your company.
I can't think of much worse than going to your sister's under the circumstances you describe.
You say you get on well the rest of the year so see her then.

Karma might catch up with your sister in years to come; her own children might have families of their own and choose to follow her example and not invite her to their houses 🤷

No, exactly, Christmas at hers would be awful. I'm determined never to accept an invitation, knowing how she feels. I'll just do my own thing at Christmas.

I dearly hope karma catches up with her. I think she'd be the first to squeal if it was her being kept away from her kids and grandkids at Christmas.

crazyH

My 2 sons and their families get along well and meet up often. But my daughter is not part of their group. Admittedly, she is older than her sisters-in-law , by roughly 10 years, and she is teetotal, so not much fun I guess.. If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t have a family Xmas. I am organising a family lunch in the NY.
Family dynamics are more apparent at times like these. Hithere says, just enjoy your xmas, whatever you do.
However, I do feel sorry for your parents.

Yes, she was really awful to them, especially my dad when he was ill and widowed.

She makes sure I have no family at Christmas.

And it's not like I don't have family, I do: Her and my brother-in-law and the three ACs, my nieces and nephew, with whom I talk quite a lot. (We live 3,500 miles apart.)

But she takes away my family at Christmas, when I have no one else. I feel like I hate her right now.

I am never going to accept a Christmas invitation from her.

Grammaretto

I agree with Hithere. You can't change her now and she probably knows you resent the way she treated your parents.
At least you can see her at other times of the year.

Christmas can be a difficult time for so many for various reasons. All the expectations to be jolly and sociable when that's not how you feel.

I hope you enjoy your time with your friend.

Thank you. I'm sure I will enjoy it.

theworriedwell

It isn't really weird, it is just that she likes something different to you. This year is the 54th year I've had family round for Christmas, the one year I had off was in covid and to be honest it was so easy and relaxing. Yes I missed seeing everyone, particularly the young GC but I have to confess it did have it's attractions.

She wouldn't have our parents for Christmas when they had terminal cancer. I think that's very weird. And they loved her and did so much for her. And it wasn't because the illness would have got in the way, they were at the stage where they were terminal but you wouldn't know it if you didn't know.

Tenko

My bil is like your sister , they spend Christmas Day with just my sister and their two ac . They won’t travel to visit me or our mother . We’re a 2 hour from them and I can’t remember the last time we spent Christmas as a family.
My bil has never had a close relationship with his parents or sister . I’ve realised that family just isn’t important to him , apart from his wife, my sister and their ac.
Maybe op , your sister is the same.

Well, as long as they realise that they can't complain if their AC treat them the same. It's all very well wanting Christmas alone with your kids, but what if your kids then want the same thing? Somehow I don't think these selfish people will be just fine with not seeing their kids and grandkids at Christmas.

It isn't really weird, it is just that she likes something different to you. This year is the 54th year I've had family round for Christmas, the one year I had off was in covid and to be honest it was so easy and relaxing. Yes I missed seeing everyone, particularly the young GC but I have to confess it did have it's attractions.