Christmas presents

I would definitely recommend keeping well out of offering an opinion, and just do what you yourself want to do regarding presents.

I hate this harsh tit for tat attitude to present giving. Is this really what Christmas is about? - and I speak as a non-Christian.

Mumsnet is heaving with posts about equalising what is given and received. It is a bit nauseating ............

For several years now we have done a secret Santa, a single present purchase for whichever family member you draw from the hat max £100. Saves stressing about what to get for everyone and keeps costs down. Now children are starting to appear this may change but it has worked well for us.

To be fair I can't remember the last time my Mum did her own shopping for Christmas presents .
She tells us the budget and me and my sister do the shopping for our own families. Then i'm sure my daughter wraps it all up on a week shes there cleaning. The other year she wrapped her own present up.
I had a big birthday this year I got £20 that I transferred from her bank to mine.
There is no thought put into presents

Sorry, meant to say that it takes away a lot of unnecessary present buying and angst. Each person gets what they want/need/like.

For the past ten years or more we have had a rota of who buys for whom. We set a price. So each family member only has one person to buy for and suggestions can be given. However, we all buy for the two grandchildren.

I too think your mother is being petty. You do not give to receive - but leave it up to her. We have stopped buying for adults I n our families and just buy for the grandchildren. Much easier. Although I like to give my son and daughter a voucher each as a gift for Christmas.

Justwokeup don’t agree at all if the mum has no enthusiasm for presents she can put a £10 note in a card for each, not rocket science
I give to all my children and grandchildren and will till I stop breathing They all get asked preferences money or present, if a present then ideas /suggestions needed
Works for us

I indulge the kids and grandkids ..why should we older grandparents keep money in Banks when we can treat our loved ones ?
and
I have told.my kids this is what I would like in return:
Divorced daughter - ticket to a show
Older son and family - a coupe of Prosecco when we go out for the Xmas meal and a Book (Biography)
Younger son and family - a Terrarium , medical attention from my son and hair attention from dil ( dil used to be a hairdresser)hairdresser )
Christmas sorted

I’m a bit against the tide on this one. I think Dontcallmelove might have got inside your Mum’s head, ie maybe she’s got to the age where she just had enough of shopping? Presumably she’s elderly, maybe she just doesn’t want the fuss any more.
Is she still buying for her 2 great-grandchildren (soon to be three)? If she is surely that’s enough? Even if your Mum has enough money she may not have the enthusiasm.
Because you ‘enjoy treating people’ and ‘buying presents’, I think you’re being a bit judgemental, albeit on behalf of your daughter. For older people it can be a chore and a worry. And does your daughter really mind that much anyway? You’re making your decisions about buying presents, as is your sister, your daughter is making hers, allow your Mum to make the same decision.

Um I would say shes not your normal loving mum to be honest which i struggle to deal with.
My sisters children have never bought for us and probably never will do but they are my niece and nephew and I just think it's the right thing to do. I don't go overboard with what I spend but I just enjoy treating people

A couple of things jump out at me, firstly, the mean spirit of your mother. Her grandson is strapped for cash and can’t afford to buy her a present so she throws a strop. Wow, she’s probably loving in other ways or not?

You buy for your sisters’s children and this isn’t reciprocated, perhaps they are trying to tell you to stop? I have an old friend with whom I exchange Christmas and birthday presents. I have tried to convince her over the years that we should stop but she is adamant that she wants to continue as she loves giving presents. I hate shopping and she loves it, I buy what I think she would like, she buys me what she likes. A total waste of time and money.

What a mean and small minded mum you have OP.

Exhausted01

My mum is very financially secure
Just because someone ( especially family ) wasn't buying for me it wouldn't cross my mind not to buy for them

I agree with you. My eldest GS is at uni, I neither want nor expect a present from him but wouldn't dream of leaving him out.

Goodness, I do think that’s mean of your mum. TBH I wouldn’t care if dds never bought me anything - I always tell them to please save their money anyway! Not that they take any notice, but they certainly know not to spend a lot.

I don't think I am unusual, but I would always buy gifts or give cash to my family for birthdays and Christmas. We help the youngsters when we can as well. Of course if you live on a very tight budget it's different. I think your mother is being mean, she should be overjoyed with the arrival of another baby. However, it's her choice but I would carry on as usual. Your daughter must be very hurt I think. Even if you are hard up, you could save £2 each week and everyone gets a thoughtful small gift, it's not the price that matters its the thought.

We only buy for the children in the family abd thats only small silky things because we let them choose an extra curricular.activity that we pay for as their present . The adults in the family just did a secret santa so you just buy 1 present for 1 family member thats drawn out of a hat . You set the amount to spend . Even that has fizzled out now so its just the children we buy for - but I did like that system . I dont think many buy for all the adults in families any more but correct me if Im wrong !

Norah nails it. All any of us can do is what we think is right for us. Even if you could pressurise others to buy for one another, at least some of your family would be doing so resentfully - you can sometimes control actions but can't control feelings.

In any case, IMO, for what that's worth, present-giving is about so much more than financial security.

Will your second child and partner actually care if grandma who frankly sounds petty doesn't buy them anything. Of course they're being sensible and cutting their cloth according to their means. Why are some people so ridiculous over Christmas presents. As you say you give not with any expectations of a reciprocation, particularly in a situation where money is tight.

ginny

A gift is a gift and shouldn’t be given with conditions or expectations of something in return.

Agree totally ..

Exhausted01

My mum is very financially secure
Just because someone ( especially family ) wasn't buying for me it wouldn't cross my mind not to buy for them

Especially someone who was finding finances difficult. It's a strange decision imo.

However, best to say nothing to keep the peace.

My mum is very financially secure
Just because someone ( especially family ) wasn't buying for me it wouldn't cross my mind not to buy for them

I would not do anything either, do what's right for you. I csn understand the younger couple though. I would still buy for them though.

ginny 👍

Personally, as Grandmother, I'd still give to everyone, especially if one family has a tight budget.
Nor would I expect anything in return.

But I don't know what your mother's budget is, perhaps she is worried about finances too.

What ginny said.