Dreading Christmas this year

I empathise, Christmas is irrelevant to me since the death of the last of my immediate family died early December last year (my elder sister, to COPD), but it will come and go (as new year), I was still in shock last Christmas, didn't have the motivation to cook properly, so egg on toast was my Christmas dinner !.........this year, though alone, I'll try to enjoy it in my own little way, I'll have a walk to the seafront where I live, I'll make myself steak and chips with peppercorn sauce, and watch old black and white films on talking pictures channel, listen to some Cilla Black (hence my username, a fan since childhood !), and try and remember happier Christmases of the past with family (though try and not let it over-whelm me).......

Aely

I spend every Christmas on my own now. I have a niece nearby but she and her husband spend Christmas with his family. Both my girls are married and live about an hour's drive away, in opposite directions. One has a young son. I would not allow either of them to spend 4 hours driving back and forth to fetch and return me. The little cooker I have now would make me cooking for us here very difficult even if I could get the supplies in as our buses do not have space for shopping trollies. Bags have to be held on knees and I cannot carry much from the bus stop. It is getting hard to even shop for myself (I don't "do" deliveries. I like to see what I am buying.)

Can't your family pick you up before Christmas? ...drive you back after?
I drive 200 miles for my mum on 24th after work ( I finish early) ....and drive her home on 27th .....I wouldn't want my mum on her own

I have been on my own for quite a while now since my husband died, and I find that I like to have a couple of possible things to choose from, as I dont know how I shall feel on the actual day. Sometimes I dont want to be with a crowd, or go out to anything as it makes me feel more alone, than staying in. At another time I dont want to be on my own. So I make sure that I have a reasonable amount of food without going mad, have chosen in the past to just have an "ordinary" meal and then later when I am offered a turkey sandwich by someone with a forlorn look, I accept and they look pleased! Another thing I often do is to make myself a picnic and then go off to my beloved Swaledale or go to the coast. I can have a peaceful time and sometimes when I pass a family arguing or looking fed up, I am very happy to be on my own!!

The wretched endless advertising way ahead of the correct time is both annoying and tells lies. They show these people happily enjoying spending a fortune on mostly things that have nothing to do with the real meaning of christmas, and being mostly selfish and greedy. In our house and I still stick with it - no christmas things to think of until after bonfire night, so I rarely watch itv much but if the adverts are on it is time to go to the loo or put the kettle on. Dont believe for a minute that everyone in the world is anything like the adverts.

Plenty of us will be around and there will be people writing on here on the day. You can choose what you want to do, or dont make any plans just have enough things in to allow you to do as you wish. Wishing you well

I've never had to be alone at Christmas as yet but I think if it ever came to that I'd do all my usual things, put a tree and decorations up etc. Then I'd have a quiet day eating anything I fancied but would have a nice late Christmas lunch. It's only one day and I'd hate for anyone to feel sorry for me.

I spend every Christmas on my own now. I have a niece nearby but she and her husband spend Christmas with his family. Both my girls are married and live about an hour's drive away, in opposite directions. One has a young son. I would not allow either of them to spend 4 hours driving back and forth to fetch and return me. The little cooker I have now would make me cooking for us here very difficult even if I could get the supplies in as our buses do not have space for shopping trollies. Bags have to be held on knees and I cannot carry much from the bus stop. It is getting hard to even shop for myself (I don't "do" deliveries. I like to see what I am buying.)

I meant son not SIL!

Perhaps book a cruise?

It is a sad time for many people. Some of those families who seem so perfect are really not, many are nursing sorrow. I am estranged from my two daughters so don’t see them. I see my son-in-law the morning with his children, but he spends the rest of his time with his Wife’s family, which is understandable as she is close to them. I go to my SIL, but nice as she is. Still feel as if I am watching someone else Christmas. But I tell myself if you can’t smile then grin! I do have a DH but he tends to grumble about Christmas. ‘All that expense”. Grinch!

i left a very abusive relationship this year my daughters have decided to turn their backs on me, my sister and i fell out but are making up now. however i would not feel comfortable spending all day with them but they often go away or to their daughters to be honest. so it will be just me and the dog. i am vegan so no worry about food just get something nice. i am going to put up decorations simply because i have not been allowed to for years. i only usually get one visitor a week my support worker.

Wyllow3

*I'd say let's make sure there is a "home alone" thread started up where we can all check in if we want so wont be totally alone whatever the circumstances*. It was nice last year iirc.

What a great idea.

Christmas is one big,fat nothing that's inflated by the commercial aspect beyond all proportion. That's a clichè but it's also a truism.

The utterly forced - and boy is it forced - jollity is so crass.

Dad collapsed and died in seconds on Christmas day 1985 - I think he had the right idea!

Things keep changing, that's for sure, and not always the way we want them to! I think it's a good idea to make plans ahead of time. There have been some good suggestions on here so far. For example, finding out what will be going on at local churches, volunteering, or just passing the day with luscious snacks and movies or whatever else you like.

I think Wyllow has the right answer really.
Everything passes.
I wouldn't be going out for a meal Christmas Day or Boxing day. Plan a break for the new year, go a walk, watch tv. I would prepare in advance my favourite meal. Then catch up on the soaps. Boxing Day it's nearly over anyway. I don't like that period until well after New Year for personal reasons but make the most of it.

LesLee
I’ve volunteered for the Salvation Army, the Quakers, Age UK and a local Jewish charity.
The only one I would never do again is the Salvation Army.
If you want to do it you have to put your name down early.
For Crisis at Christmas ( the first one I did in the 80s?) you have to put your name down a year ahead.
Your council will have a list of all the charities/ organisations that are hosting Xmas dinners.

Book a solos holiday. If you do stay home, buy all your favorite treats. Get some good films ready to watch. Treat it as a you day. If you live near the sea, a beach walk can be good. As others have said, church can be welcoming even if you are not really religious.

Perhaps HQ could start a thread called Counter Christmas or something. It seems badly needed.

It is just another day except when you are alone.

It must be sad knowing that the majority of people are celebrating together ( although the reality of that is often grim).

Here is a link to solo Christmas holidays, there were lots of links I could have sent the internet is full of ideas.

www.friendshiptravel.com/holiday-type/christmas-new-year/

You could always make some new memories.

Cossy

Oh that’s so sad.

Couple of things I’d say;

If you are able to travel and enjoy it and can afford it, then go away.

Or, if your health allows it, volunteer on Christmas Day, local churches and charities welcome people with open arms, to help out.

Try and hold on to those happy memories, it’s great you have them. Prepare yourself all your favourite foods, doesn’t have to be in any way Christmassy, get your favourite tipple and toast all your absent friends and family.

Good luck

Very good post.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no answers just love and hugs for you. Xx

Charleygirl5

I try to ignore the hype. I have been on my own at Christmas for a few years now. I treat it as a normal day, buying food I fancy and watching TV if there is anything on which is usually debatable.

I have never bothered with decorations, each to his own. I prefer to stay in my cosy house. I would hate sitting at a long table being surrounded with people I have never met and accepting what I would class as charity food by kind helpers.

I would be the same as you.
Christmas time can be a very lonely time but the shops are only shut for one day.
I guess you could say that if you have happy family memories of past Christmas times, especially as a child, then that’s something isn’t it?

I check with various single friends and invite those alone for Christmas lunch. It seems to work well and means I make an effort to set the table properly, give the silver a polish and resurrect my cooking skills. If everyone was catered for I would enjoy an indolent day with expensive culinary treats and no cooking. I can’t recreate Christmases past so have had to find a new way to deal with the day.

I am sorry to hear of your loss. The first year is hard.

My husband died on November 1, 2023 and I was invited by an acquaintance to her place for Christmas dinner. I accepted gratefully, as it seem the better option than sitting at home and probably crying.

Actually, that family's celebration was so different to anything I had been used to, that it simply did not feel like Christmas.

The following year I tried to join one of the schemes for inviting other lonely people, but got no joy out of that, so spent that Christmas alone. But I did have a visitor for the New Year.

Last year, I invited a friend, a single woman and we had a very nice time.

So my advice is, decide if you can quite soon, whether you want to try and find someone to spend Christmas Day with, or just will make a good meal for yourself, and do something you enjoy afterwards, or you could perhaps go away somewhere.

Remember that next year will probably be easier.

What a bad year you’ve had.🌷🥀. I think a good idea to put up your decorations - you’ll see them and it would be more glum without them, and get your favourite food for 2-3 days because it’s not just a day it’s 2 or 3.
Try to ignore the hustle bustle of the weeks before, that may be the hardest part. Stay away from the Christmas posts on here. Cross off the days until January on your calendar. Get lots of sleep. It will be new year before you can say holly.

I too am dreading Christmas this year without my DH who died in August. I have family l can go to , but don't know if l can take the company & chaos for more than a couple of hours without wanting to be at home in the peace & quiet -
Then I think l might just want to stay under the duvet all day, but they wouldn't let me .
It's a conundrum isn't it - even for one day.

I'd say let's make sure there is a "home alone" thread started up where we can all check in if we want so wont be totally alone whatever the circumstances. It was nice last year iirc.