If the younger generation have Mummy Porn.....

Those cute mini-galias they have in M and S?

Perhaps she was using them as love balls?

Yes, jess, those.
I call them melonettes!

Girls, ehh, sorry, Ladies,
You are getting this "young" man, of a ripe old age, going again!

(and where are the support grand-dads?)

Will never again be satisfied with Mills and Boon after reading this lot !!! LOL

gilly ...VERY FUNNY!

phoenix have you been talking to that naughty nellie? Gramps Support granddads are in the shed with matron...she's busy checking their credentials.

horrible rainy morning. Fed up! Then read these comments and have laughed and laughed. Thank you ladies for brightening my morning

Oh I do love a bit of kinky sex!

Keep going ladies - this is the funniest thing I have read for ages. I could hardly read the screen through my tears of laughter!!!!!

So...as Mr Beige raised himself [with difficulty] from the Argos rug, he saw that Ana appeared to be asleep. He felt that he had done himself proud. With just one leg in his greyer than grey Y-fronts, he prepared to make a swift exit. Ana opened a lazy eye. She yawned, and her top dentures made a loud clicking sound. 'Where do you think you're going?' she asked, huskily. Before Mr Beige could reply or get his second leg into the greyer than greys, Ana grasped him round a trembling, white, hairless ankle - and with a mighty wallop brought him back onto the shaggy rug...

Next instalment urgently needed please! no inspiration myself, but this is laugh-out-loud stuff - wonderful!

Hey , soop, Did you mean "shagging" rug?

He landed face down on her ample bosom, making a sort of -splurging sound. Very sensuous to the trained ear of Ana! Her family motto was ANYILATE OARDYE. She was well up in the tradition of "blow first" ,if in doubt pull it out!
This tantra was used quite successfully during Tribal rituals, of which she was Chief Priest. NOT to be crossed!!

(Priestess even!)

Ana gasped even more as she realised the thick pasty white object covered in hair and engorged varicose veins was in fact not an ankle...Mr beige had got his second wind although Ana preferred him not share it at that point the fake fur on the rug was igniting his animal passion all over again this is I want to wear your underwear he cried I long to feel the double lined gusset of your fleecy pink bloomers worn only for three days so they are still freshly laundered against my skin...Ana lay there her imagination seeing a double inguinal truss for the hernia she had so lovingly fondled MrBeige had cried for her to take away the pain....my darling she had uttered if I take away your pain...can I leave the swelling...we can both be happy then....

Mr Beige pulled himself together, no easy task as his false eye had become dislodged, his magnificent hairpiece, now detached, and hung by a modicum of blutack appeared to be climbing up his left buttock. Mr Beige was feeling browned off!

...at that point, Mr Beige's hearing aid gave an almighty piercing shriek, the elastic on his suspender holding up one thick sludge-brown hand-knitted sock, twanged. Ana, in an hypnotic daze, crawled to her knees and whipped the shaggy hairpiece from Mr B's left buttock...and it didn't 'alf 'urt!

Was that the badly mad sha shaGY hair piece or the arGos ruG he had on his head....Ana did adore the ruGGed look....

... suddenly the sound of a mobility scooter is heard on the drive, "it's my mother said Mr Beige, quick pass the zimmer frame so I can get up"

Ana tore her legs from their vice-like grip around Mr Beige's flabby, wibbly-wobbly middle and screamed. She had cramp! Her big toe hooked itself mercilessly into Mr Beige's suspender. In an attempt to free themselves from the coupling, they were forced to do strange cartwheels across the floor. At that very moment, the sound of a hacking cough outside the bedroom door...

'It's mummy!' gasped Mr Beige. 'I'd know her smoker's cough anywhere'. Ana shoved Mr Beige up to the door ...'Mustn't let her catch us like this', she hissed. 'At 104 years and 11 months, the shock may not be good for her equilibrium.'

The cough got closer. The door handle rattled and turned. slowly the door creaked open, then stuck, half open, as the top hinge finally jammed tight.
The guilty look on their faces changed to one of relief!
Quick, whispered Ana, the window. Young Bob ,the window cleaner had left the ladder up at the window, hoping for another opportunity at voyeurism.
Ana, being well brought up, pushed Mr.Beige away from the window and seeing the ladder rail, mounted it. That "rung" my bell she exclaimed, with a smile on her face.
Realising her mistake she rapidly adjusted her position (reluctantly) and placed her dainty feet on the nearest tread. From here, she grabbed Mr. B. forcing him onto the window sill and directed his feet to a downward situation!

He followed her down untidily,-- more of a scramble really!
He bounced onto the grass, the impact causing his already loosened false eye to "plop" out. It rolled from the grass to the tarmac path, where it stopped, and looked round!

The rasping cough continued,until his mother a retired Russian spy going by the name on onya backyerbitch,who had slept with many men from the militia from two nations making her doubly incontinental.......drove through the door then doubling Back to open it oh your knob your knob cried Ana ...oh I am so glad you like it said Mr Beige....no the door knob cried Ana it is embedded in my ear.....vot are you doing with my baby you brazen strumpet cried mrs Backyerbitch do you know he hasnt been right since he has had that massive hernia and a sinus washout,and vy is he wearing the Argos rug as a toupee,and his toupee as a chest wig.......

Oh nell oh nell, I like your style!

I love the "incontinental bit It 's my kind of potty pun, I bet you liked the Goons?