NOW CLOSED: Poetry writing competition with Nick Sharratt

MR MAZZEEN

Mr Mazzeen
Was ever so clean
He lived in a house
With a garden
His friend was a mouse
Called Kalamazoo
Whose whiskers were long
And quite shimmery

Mr Mazzeen
Was ever so clean
Even his garden was spotless
His flowers grew taller
With each passing day
And he polished them up with a duster
But Kalamazoo
Said 'This is so sad'
And his whiskers were long
And quite shimmery

Mr Mazzeen
Was ever so clean
He dusted his grass with a cloth
He wiped at each daisy
And rubbed at the clover
And Kalamazoo said 'You're mad!
'It's a garden, you numpty
Not Buckingham Palace'
And his whiskers were long
And quite shimmery

But Mr Mazzeen
Was ever so clean
And carried on dusting his garden
The cabbages shone
And the beans had a glow
And the radishes looked just like rubies
But Kalamazoo
Well, he just looked on
And his whiskers were long
And quite shimmery

Mr Mazzeen was ever so clean
The bees in his garden were perfumed
He sprayed them with scent
Wherever they went
And their wings were rubbed clean
With the duster
But Kalamazoo
Said 'You silly old thing'
And his whiskers were long
And quite shimmery

Mr Mazzeen
Was ever so clean
His garden had green caterpillars
He washed them each night
And hung them to dry
Where they sang to the moon until morning
But Kalamazoo
Raised his eyes to the sky
And his whiskers were long
And quite shimmery

Mr Mazzeen
Was ever so clean
He vacuumed his path every day
The postman wore slippers
To keep off the dust
And the garden stayed slippery clean
And Kalamazoo
Said nothing at all
And his whiskers were long
And quite shimmery

Then one day Mazzeen
Who was ever so clean
Decided to trim up those whiskers
He took out his scissors and opened the door
And looked out for Kalamazoo
But Kalamazoo was quicker than him
And hid on the roof of the house
So Mr Mazzeen, who was ever so clean,
Got out his ladder and searched
For that whiskery mouse, who lived in the house
That Mr Mazzeen kept so clean
But Kalamazoo was quicker than YOU
And slipped down the ladder so fast
And into the house, that very clean house,
That Mr Mazzeen kept so neat

And so, with his scissors, Mr Mazzeen
Was left in the garden alone
While inside the house
Old Kalamazoo
Was eating his chocolates and drinking his wine
And watching cartoons on TV
'I like this!' he cried
'I'm staying inside
And you, Mr silly Mazzeen
Can stay in your garden
And polish it up
And sweep up the leaves from the lawn
You'll not get my whiskers
I know they're too long
But you'll not tidy me up so fast
You stick to your garden, you silly old man
And I'll stick in here and have fun'

Well, Mr Mazzeen, who was ever so clean
Was tired of chasing the mouse
He drew up a deck chair and sat in the sun
And tried to decide what to do
He looked at his garden, all tidy and clean
The flowers all shiny and bright
And wondered if, really, he'd gone much too far
For gardens are meant to enjoy
The plants don't need polish
And insects enjoy
A little light dust on their wings
The grass looks no greener
For dusting each blade
And the daisies don't need a good shine

So Mr Mazzeen, who was ever so clean
Decided to stop being silly
He rapped on the window
And Kalamazoo
Switched off the TV and looked out
'What now?' cried the mouse
Coming out of the house
'You're not trimming up my long whiskers'
And Mr Mazzeen, who was ever so clean,
Gave mousie a hug and a cuddle
'Of course not, my friend
'I'm ever so sorry
'Your whiskers are quite safe from me
'I've decided from now
'I'll leave well alone
'And sit here and look at my garden'

'Hurrah!' cried the mouse, old Kalamazoo
'You know that makes so much more sense
'I'll sit out here with you and look at the plants
'And we'll sing to the birds and the flowers'

And his whiskers were long
And quite shimmery.

If I wake up in the middle of
The night,
And I see the lamp is
Shining bright,
I know that everything is
All right,
There is no cause at all for
Feeling fright!

-----------------------------
Leave The Lamp On,Mum! By rosesarered

Stop don't pick your noise
and eat it mum shouts
I stop I pick I flick
Along came a fly
This will do the trick
He gobbled it down
With one big lick
Along comes a spider
Who eats the fly
Then takes a little
Walk outside
Along came a chicken
Looking for lunch
Oh a spider it says
You'll do for brunch
Dinner mum shots
Out from the kitchen
What is it I ask
Of course it's chicken

Granny’s Protest.

I don’t know how it started but I’m really in a mood,
The washing up is waiting and the dogs both want their food,
Grandpa’s watching snooker and the ironing isn’t done,
Now it’s time I made a protest…..Maybe sulking could be fun.

So I’ve gone into the kitchen just to make a cup of tea,
I’m huffing and I’m puffing and I’m thinking about ME,
I want to watch the telly but it’s in the other room
And I can’t go in there smiling so I practice how to fume.

I make the dogs their dinner and I whisper, ‘There you go,
Grandpa mustn’t hear me talking cos I’m sulking, don’t you know?'
The phone has started ringing and I want to know who’s there
Only that would mean a chat so I pretend that I don’t care.

I start to bang some pots and pans to make my feelings clear,
It’s cosy by the fireside but now I’m stuck out here,
It’s time to cook the sausages, the ones we really like
But they’re staying in the fridge for now cos Granny’s out on strike!

This could go on for ages – I will have to learn the ways
To do a silent protest that can last for days and days
But I’m sick of this already - just can’t hack it any more,
Why has no-one ever told me that protesting's such a bore?

Like it, merlotgran!

Adventure.

Julius Caesar of long ago fame,
One morning decided to hop on a plane.

I'll just go and visit
Those isles in the North.
I'll be no trouble,
Just look round of courth.
(he had had a lisp since early childhood)

He took with him his teddy
So he could be ready,
With jim-jams and slippers,
To sup on some kippers.

Clean his teeth with a stick,
Give his face a quick lick.
Then curl up with Ted
In a warm leafy bed.

But then he got hungry
When lunchtime came round.
So abandoned his plan,
And ate pork pie with his Gran.

Quick question, are we allowed more than one entry (I don't seem to be able to add a question mark!)

Some of these are so good I hardly dare to compete.
Respect!

She’s got food all over her face

Oats smeared up her arms

But somehow it really seems

To enhance her gorgeous charms.

The poem I had in mind would not sit well with these wonderful entries!

I will probably bow out, good luck to all, there are some excellent entries!

You lot are so clever, well done

There's a tiger in the garden, Mum,
He's prowling all around,
Do you think he's hungry Mum,
And glad that he's been found?

There's a hippo in the pond, Dad,
He's making such a splash,
Do you think I need to clean his ears,
And help him with his bath?

There's a python in the greenhouse, Gran,
He's eating all the grapes,
Do you think that I should wrestle him,
To show him his mistake?

There's a parrot in the shed, Gramps,
He's knocked over all your tools,
Do you think I should catch him,
And tell him all your rules?

---------------------------------------
There's A Tiger In The Garden, Mum! By rosesarered

For my Granddaughter Sienna

Mummy there's a monster I saw it on the stair!
Darling.. that's just Nana, with rollers in her hair

it's face is white as snow and its mouth is all screwed up!
Darling.. it's just wrinkle cream, and her teeth are in a cup

It's walking really slowly and it wobbles now and then
Darling.. Nana's knees are weak and her back has gone again

Its definitely a monster it it's making such a din
She singing you a little song as she comes to tuck you in

I can the monster clearly now ....it's walking through my door
Yes its only Nana!!! I'm not scared anymore

I write silly 'poems' for birthdays and special occasions for family and friends so here is my attempt for the competition:-

In little corners of the secret garden
live lots of tiny, polite little creatures
they always say “I beg your pardon!”
if they bump into each other features.

There is a the big and open garden
full of busy birds and insect’s buzzy.
but little creatures like their place, quiet and darken
they secretly watch out for the bigger fuzzy.

They potter about in their secret corner
and some little creatures try to venture out
but a polite and elder creature will be the warner
telling little creatures to beware what’s about.

Could be the big fuzzy will be having a roam
around the big and open garden
so little creatures you must stay at home
in the little corners of the secret garden.

Who is the big fuzzy that roams around?
Well that’s another poem/story!

Of course I'll mind my grankids, that wouldnt be a chore.
You go enjoy your shopping trip down at your favourite store.
I can entertain them, the pleasure will be mine.
They'll be safe and sound with me, my dear.We'll have a jolly time.
Twin little girls! No threat to me. Of that you can be sure.
Lovely little five year olds, so pretty and demure.

With skills I have developed rearing children of my own.
I brought up four such wonders. Now look how they have grown.
They even went to UNI and prospered on their way.
They were all as safe as houses, when daddy had his say.
They're married now, with families. and look how well they fare
No harm ever came to them, whilst they were in my care.

"Let's go inside the greenhouse and look at granpa's flowers.
The door slammed in the gusty wind and glass fell down in showers.
Never mind. my darlins. I'll brush it up. no fret.
We'll go and see the rabbit now and cuddle granpa's pet.
Close the door, Please, Darlins. Drop that little latch.
Oh! Never mind. Bun won't get far, he'll find the cabbage patch!

Please. Lets just calm down now, girls. Come and see my pond.
There's frogs and fish and tadpoles there. Please don't go beyond
the edge where granpa tells you 'Stop'. It's dangerous my pet,
If you fall into the water and get your clothing wet.
Listen to me. Please now! No harm will come to you.
Just do as Granpa says, now! Some things that you must do.

WHOOPS! granpa slipped upon a rock he clearly did not see
and plunges headlong in the pond. The girlies screamed with glee.
What are you doing Granpa? Why did you do that?
'You look all wet and sticky now, You've lost your silly hat!
They help their granpa from the pond, all shivery and wet.
He tries to show some dignity, but finds it hard to get.

Granpa had a shower, whilst the kiddies watched the box.
Warm cocoa for the weary pair. Ahh, Bless their cotton sox
Find a cartoon suitable. One that they would 'dig'
The only one that he could find was that called Peppa Pig.
Relaxed into his favourite chair and gently closed his eyes.
And that's how momma found them, much to her surprise.

The day had gone without a hitch, was evident to see
Granpa smoozing gently. The kids perched on his knee.
The scene was one of happiness for Momma to behold.
Yoy see it works for all of us, the young ones and the old!!

Some lovely poems here. Mine's a bit like yours, "geeljay*

Don’t tell …

Don’t tell Mummy that you fell out of the pram
Because Granny didn’t strap you in
According to the plan.

Don’t breathe a word
about last night’s ructions
when well past the hour
and Iggle Piggle on repeat
you were jiggled back to sleep.

Don’t tell Mummy we headed for the park
with your designer gear on inside out
because Granny was distracted
by your very loud crying bout.

Don’t let it show
that with granny-hood belated
her skills are very dated.

Help keep up the scam
as long as you're back in the pram
no one need ever know.

Granparents eh, grannyknot!

Granny's Rules OK.

Trees are for climbing.
Mud's to get stuck in.
Night is for sleeping,
But sometimes star watching.

A puddle's for splashing.
A hill to roll down.
Rain is to twirl in,
With mouths open wide.

Streams are to fish in.
Never mind if you fall in.
Clothes can get wet,
They dry after all.

Woods are to hide in,
Build dens in as well.
Collect conkers and acorns,
Catch leaves as they fall.

The world's to be brave in.
Explore when you can.
Run,jump and play in,
And wonder as well.

Granny's Rules OK by trisher

I wrote this for my DGD after she had a scary experience with a seagull on the beach.

There was a young seagull called Rasta,
Who chased kids to make them run fasta,
So they threw him a chip,
It got stuck in his beak lip
And he now preferes haddock with pasta!

I entered this on GN a couple of years ago when Judy Finnigan was a judge and won a prize (which I never received ). Am I allowed to enter it again but with an added verse?

She lies there, this tiny perfect thing - the image of my child -
Sleeping, cheeks soft and pale, her breath but a butterfly wing
No sound save the fall of my tears,
Grieving in vain for her mother's childhood,
times gone, the passing years.......

The babe now three, no longer sleeping,
Writhes on the floor, red faced and kicking
Roaring, screeching, the tears now hers ...
Her mother, exhausted, wearily declares
'She's not from our side -
Most definitely theirs!'

'I'm going to have a baby', my daughter said one day.
Oh no, I thought I'm far too young to be a granny old and grey.
Then along you came all soft and pink and crinkly
And suddenly I didn't care if I was a granny old and wrinkly
You stole my heart on that very first day
And ever since then it has stayed that way.
We have danced, cuddled and played away the years
There has been lots of laughter, only occasionally tears
You love to dance and are doing so well
What you choose for the future only time will tell.
A teenager now, an absolute beauty
You still want to see us, with no sense of duty
You are sensitive, clever but most of all kind
That fear of being a granny was all in the mind!

Dog walking
Lead in hand biscuits in pocket
Open the gate she's out like a rocket
Sit you shout as she jumping around
Give her a treat she sits down

Head bent down fast as you can
On goes the lead with a slight of hand
Don't forget doggie do bag
Off we set with a big doggie tail wag

She stops she poops
You try not to look
You bend pick up
Try not to be sick

At the roadside her head held high
Sniffing the air as the cars whizz by
Across the road into the field
Of the lead she takes of at breakneck
Speed

're the questions about entries ... I don't think "winning poem(s)" are being selected, or that the poems are being judged, from the Ts and Cs I understand that "winners will be picked from a hat", therefore all you have to do is enter. GNHQ?

Thank you grannyknot