I've been arrested for money laundering.
I tried to tell the officer I'd also washed all the groceries as well as the change but he didn't believe me.
In surgery after a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God and asks, ‘Am I about to die?’
God says, ‘No. You have another 20 years yet.’
With this assurance, she decides, once she’s recovered to make a few changes.
She gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants and Botox.
Feeling like a million dollars she sets out to buy herself a whole new wardrobe. As she walks towards the taxi rank with her parcels, a cab pulls out and knocks her down.
In Heaven she faces God. ‘You said I had 20 years, how come I’m dead?’
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
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