Daughter due to have new baby soon

Same situation here, my daughter in law due to deliver beg. May. We have now all agreed to self-isolate for 14 days before due date. Then we will go to look after our little grand-daughter while her parents are in hospital. When they come back, we won't see our new grandchild, just leave the house without meeting (they'll stay in the lounge or upstairs while we will exit without touching anything.)
Or.. in your case Carol, after back from hospital she self-isolates for 14 days in her room with newborn!! May be...

Mariella,

Your dil has a job - she is a full time student

If your son does not like something that is going on in his marriage, he can talk it with his wife and address it.
How you think their marriage should work is not their standard to folllow

Hi.
My son married a girl from Scandinavia 10 yrs ago. We were enchanted with her . She was so polite and respectful ..a lovely girl. However after they became engaged , and with a baby too, she became very vocal ..outspoken about her views of how awful things were in Scotland for women and mothers . And how much better in Scandinavia. She has a degree and I looked after my grandson to let her study for masters .
She does not have a job . My son works hard and phones me on his way home from work . And then says , sorry thats me at tessco, need to get something for my supper. I feel sad he comes home to make his supper at 7 or 8b. She does no ironing , thinks its a waste of time so my son does his own shirts etc and she doesnt iron the childrens clothes either. They look like ragamuffins in creased clothes and washed in grubby scabby tights
There is no shortage
of money as they eat out a lot .
My son now speaks to me in an unfriendly way if my daughterinlaw is in the room . I feel she wants to distance me. It is very hurtful. I am glad they are independant but so hard . I am just glad they are independant but sad I have lost my son

This is exactly what happened to my daughter who went in on Thursday to have her baby. Her husband had to leave until she was progressing nicely and was then called in. However, after many, many hours, the baby was delivered at 7.50 am Saturday morning by C-section, just yesterday. Today, at 5.00 pm she arrived home with baby, a whopping 9.11 lb. The midwife is due to call only once on Thursday and there will be one call from the health visitor some time. I am desperate to see the family and help, but I daren't as I could so easily infect. Please do not go with your daughter Carole2. My husband is 78 and I could risk bringing the virus home.
What very sad and difficult times we live in, when our maternity services have been reduced to this, through no fault of the wonderful midwives and NHS staff.

I know how you feel.

My 5 day old granddaughter has been in hospital for jaundice and has to go back in tomorrow for more tests. She will probably need to be admitted. In the meantime, my daughter has to breastfeed every 2 hours and pump more milk for top ups. This was the doctor's instructions, but she has already been doing it, desperate to get as much fluid into baby as possible. She is utterly exhausted.

I feel so helpless. Her partner is doing his best with the chores, and they have a friend who lives in their spare room, but basically she is being looked after by two men. With the best will in the world, they don't think about her needs and she is too tired to remember to eat and drink enough. The nurse and the doctor both scolded her for not taking care of herself.

If I was with her, I would bring her drinks and snacks and made sure she rested when possible. All her time is spent looking after the baby, and she needs her mum to look after her. It is so frustrating.

Don't go.

This will sound nasty but I don't mean it that way. If you did not exist, she'd have to manage.

If she has a specific difficulty, she'll have to raise it with the hospital or her Dr.

Grannycha

Your dh is right. Confirming original plans are not possible for now.

If plans change, your son in law can always stay with oldest child at home while your dd is in the hospital giving birth. They can also arrange transportation for your dd to go to hospital and come back home. The hospital may even assist in that situation.

Put your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.

Just on a slightly different tack, the Midwives of the Chelsea and Westminster hospital have put out a lovely message on their FB page reassuring women who are booked for home birth or who are considering home birth, that they will do everything in their power to support them in their choice.
Pretty amazing right now I would say.

My son & d-i-l expect 2nd baby beginning of May. Husband is 70+ & i will be 70 in June. Son doesn’t drive. 1st grandchild was meant to be staying with us whilst at hospital (C-section) & H was taxi driver. They haven’t discussed plans & H tells me it is up to them to discuss it with us as original plans not possible. ??

My husband is a bit older than me at 69, and has COPD. My heart goes out to you and your family. I know I have to stay here in strict quarantine for my husband's sake, because he is in the highest risk category. I often think of what would I do if one of my children were sick and needed me. However, in a larger sense, our being stable financially and physically well provides a safety net for the adult children still struggling that I really can't afford to compromise. It is all incredibly horrifying to contemplate. I am just trying to hold things together until after the Covid crises passes because who even knows if the kids will have jobs? They might all be returning home at some point, and I want there to be a home for them to return to because if my husband passed away, I couldn't afford to live here without his income. I had taken some time off from work to help with his healthcare and had planned on returning to work this spring. Now I can't because I worked in healthcare and can't take the risk of bringing anything home so who knows what I will be doing in the future for work. I am so grateful that I was not working when this all happened. We still haven't passed the 14 day mark and my husband was coughing a good bit last night, hopefully just from allergies.

When my kids left home, they got more of an "adulting" experience than they ever bargained for I am afraid. This may be the first time in their lives that Mom can't be there for them, and they may be completely on their own. It is something that would have happened eventually, naturally at some point, when I die regardless of Covid and the course it takes. I never had a Mother to be there for me in birth situations or as a help in life and because of that I have tried to be there for my kids every step of the way, but this time I may just not be able to.

I hope everything goes well for you daughter and your grandchildren! I pray every night for us all, and especially the young mothers and mothers to be.

If you explain the problem to your surgery they can prescribe your husband's medication to cover your absence, the chemist can deliver. Could you make some simple meals to freeze e.g. stews, cottage pie, macaroni cheese etc in single portions he could heat. Arrange with a neighbour to drop off at door milk, newspaper, pre pay or settle up on return. And move in to care for grandchildren until you are safe to return. The staff at the hospital will take care of her during birth. Who is looking out for you? Remember you must isolate it is the only way this virus can be beaten. I'm sorry this must seem like an impossible task right now for you.

Really difficult. DD should discuss with midwife asap.

You can’t look after her children and be her birthing partner. Very sad but at least she has given birth twice before. Also if her children go to their different father, she will not see them for 3 months. Such difficult times.

Here where I live, no one is allowed birthing partners atm , not even the baby’s dad. Just like the (good) old days.

I had my first baby in a cottage hospital without my partner as they were not allowed in, in those days - the 70s. It is possible to give birth with just the aid of the nurses and doctors. Very hard to contemplate in these times but it worked okay.
Perhaps grandma would be better looking after the other children and hope her daughter can come home quickly, not the 10 days we had to spend in the maternity hospital. Good wishes to you all.

I’m due my c section on the 7th and have been told there’s a great likelihood I will have to go alone. There’s also no partners allowed on anti or post natal wards.
You can probably help most by looking after her two children. When did you last see her and the children?
My toe are going to my mom if my partner is able to attend. There’s no way round it.

Had my children in the days when you did not have a "birthing partner " so it is not necessary to have one, I am sure she will cope especially as it is not her first child

You are allowed to leave the house to help vulnerable people so it's always a decision on who is more vulnerable x

How sad the fathers of the children dont want to step up, be FATHERS and face their responsibilities.

A previous poster was right - your dd wants everything.
She cannot have you as birthing partner and take care if the kids, unless you have a hidden twin that allow you to be in both places at once.

Your dd must talk to the medical personnel and explain her circumstances. I doubt she is the only woman who is sadly in this situation.

You musnt go and you know it.
What if you get sick? You are going to become a burden to her, not helping her.
What if your partner needs you but you cannot be there for him?

Giving birth without a partner is notes tragedy. She will survive.

Your dd must find another solution- I am sure there is another arrangement that works.
She must also wise up and pick men that are real fathers.
If the first father doesn't want to contribute, she picked two out of two that are not worth the title of "father"

Stay home. Dont become part of the problem.

No. And again :no.
All the time, (no matter how well intentioned) people keep on breaking the safe distance between one another, there is potential for contamination to all.
Talk to the Midwife. There will be ways round this, that are safe for all concerned. This will not be an isolated incident, babies will be born, parents/grandparents will feel guilty.
Be strong and stay away for all your sakes.

GagaJo's reply seems sensible to me if your partner is okay. The midwife will be the birthing partner - my best birth experience was when there was just one midwife present. Your DD obviously needs help with the children though and I'd discount the father as his attitude is irresponsible. My OH's doctor told me I did not need to self-isolate as long as I'm careful. OH has underlying health conditions - I have to be able to go out to fetch shopping, tablets etc. It seems the same here - if you or someone else can drop your partner's shopping and medication off at the door, is he able to look after himself for a couple of weeks until DD is up and about?

I would ask the maternity nurses/doctors.

If you do not isolate for 2 weeks before she goes to hospital than you really should not go into any part of the hospital.

Is it possible for you to isolate for the next 2 weeks and then isolate at her home while you help her? You have a clear but horrible choice between being with her full time or with your husband - which is the lesser of these two difficult alternatives?

I don’t think many hospitals are allowing a birth partner (whoever that might be) to attend at the moment, so you’d probably have to stay home and look after her other children.
However, things might be different in 6 weeks time.

I’m afraid this is the point where you have to decide between your partner or your daughter, who needs your support the most. Given his age and health your partner shouldn’t be moving in with the family even if you do. Can he manage for a lng period on his own because if you go I’m afraid you will have to stay till lockdown is over.

Personally I see the care of the two children as the main issue. It is perfectly possible to give birth without having a birthing partner. I know, Ive done it and it’s not her first time so she knows how it goes.

I’ve also come home to two small children and a new baby and no extra help. It’s not easy but it’s possible. How old are the two children. Old enough to appreciate what’s going on and help?

There’s six weeks to get something sorted. She needs to talk to the midwife asap so that you can make your decision.

My daughter lives with me and is due the same time , I have been told , at the moment I can be with her as her birthing partner , only one person a loud , she is autistic, I was on video call with her when she had her antenatal friday , the doctor thought that was a good idea , because she can not cope with certain situations, I am her carer