Anyone dissillusioned with a friend

Shes normally a sensible caring girl but seems to be acting as though its just a normal cold& doesnt matter! I think gov't guidlines are fogging what people need to look for- even other DD thinks its only cough& fever to watch for,yet online says early signs CAN be mistaken for winter cold& flu bugs! God help us as NO ONE seems to be getting correct information!!

For your own peace of mind I think you need to step back a bit. Presumably you know what your friend is doing because you are chatting on the phone or via social media? Therefore tell her quite honestly that you don't approve of all her outings and that you are very worried that she is putting herself at risk . Also point out that if she became ill who would look after her mum. But then say although you are happy to talk to her you do not want to hear anything at all about her outings and will only chat about other stuff.

My youngest DD is still having to work,and i worry for her greatly.but she lives a long way from me,and lives with her dads 'other' family(we divorced yrs ago) her step mum had a 'cold' last wk & has passed it to my daughter,who now thinks its 'just a cold' too and is planning on going bacķ to work tomorrow,without the 7 day- or 14 day? isolation.shes having to help her store stack food shelves,so im worried for her,and also for anyone else working there or food buying! Also as theres has never been the cleanest of houses! She said if its worse she'l ring 111.and ask work too but im not sure theyre giving right advice,as she said they said instore its not a rule to wear gloves as that could mean 'the virus'(if they had it) may sweat out into the gloves from their pores,but surely then the advice should be TO WASH HANDS THOROUGHLY AFTER REMOVING GLOVES! Not just dont bother to wear them!! Its a main supermarket too.And i get impression they are encouraging them to come to work no matter what.(daughters on a zero hours contract still after about 5yrs so i dont know if she'd get paid for time off?)

Looks like we all have a pal who won't follow the rules.

My friend ( who also thought it was fine to go abroad on holiday, and would have gone if the trip wasn't cancelled) keeps going out and about. She called round at our house twice last week, though she knows we are self isolating. I had to keep her on the doorstep and talk to her from halfway down the hall! My own family don't come round, to keep us safe. My friend then said she was popping round to see another friend. She has no sense of the risk to herself or others.

She has serious health issues, including heart and breathing problems. I keep telling her but it doesn't get through. What can you do?

Masks ...gloves.... sanitising gel!!! Where the hell are you folks getting this stuff . I’ve been trying for 5 weeks!!

Sanitising gel, sanitising wipes and detol wipes were all available in my Sainsburys yesterday afternoon.

I bought one.

Didnt see anyone else buy more than one.

there will probably come a time when this sort of thing will be taken out of our hands. Maybe a good thing to do would be to bang on to the friend the importance of meticulous hand hygiene, not touching anything unless you have disinfected your hands and not getting close to people, so that if she does go out the risk is reduced, disinfecting doorknobs in and out, bin handles, post.....if the friend can be persuaded to cut down on trips out, maybe at first to once a day, could you promise something that would be fun for both of you, not sure what that is for both of you obviously. Or ask local good neighbours who would not pander to anyone's unreasonable requests. My MIL was like the mother, she would send my ex out multiple times a day for things she had forgotten [pre cv] and his feelings about this were mixed. At once he was annoyed about needing to go out, and didn't want to upset her by saying hed go once a day unless medically necessary, but he also liked the excuse to step away from the situation even if it was just to pop to the shop, basically, he was angry that his freedom to go out for a long walk to places he wanted to, was incompatible with the caring responsibilities. He could have called in respite care, which would have benefited his parents when he was not there, and which they were to a certain extent entitled to and had a reasonable break himself, but some people will not think reasonably sometimes, just to mention that sometimes people have lots of odd reasons behind their unreasonableness

Some people insist on knowing and being right while others are more open to learning and getting it right- The second takes courage, the first conceit-

The pandemic is creating infinite opportunities to learn- Its revealing weaknesses and strengths in governments and relationships- If there ever was a time to find the courage to learn how to speak up, to discover the value and confidence to protect others or even your self, if not now, when?

Masks ...gloves.... sanitising gel!!! Where the hell are you folks getting this stuff . I’ve been trying for 5 weeks!!

Camelotclub Most people now get their pensions paid into banks because the PO was charging the DWP which the banks don't so they were pushing everyone to change. It isn't compulsory though and there are still quite a few people with the PO.
People aren't sometimes aware that there are easy to open bank accounts for people who don't have a lot of identification or a good credit record or they have just always used the Post Office and have one nearby.

You know maybe if people didnt have people telling them what to do from all angles, they might stop digging their heels in and might stop doing it.

I know that DH and I have learnt to try not to "advise" our parents at all (in general) because there is something about the adult child/parent dynamic that makes them more determined to do whatever we advise against.

If we bite our tongues instead they tend to come to the conclusion that its a bad idea sooner than if we say we think its a bad idea.

Even if its something that DH and I specialise in professionally, as soon as we try to advise our parents they react as if we're calling them senile

Maybe going out for those trivial things is a declaration of independance against being told what to do by your nephew. And if he stopped the "battle" then doing it might no longer seem so important IYKWIM

It is dangerous to assume and try to judge when you can't be sure, things are not always as they seem and it is too easy to get hold of the wrong end of the stick.

I am frustrated by my sister's behaviour. She is very kind and caring but does not see to grasp how deadly this virus can be. She has received a letter telling her to shelter at home as she has a heart condition yet she still goes out shopping more than once a week. My nephew has phoned me very upset as he takes her shopping and then she pops out again on the same day for a trivial item she forgot to ask him for. I have had to ring her and point out she is being selfish to worry her children like this, and her other sisters and I by not staying in. She said oh I just needed a newspaper. I told her no you did not, read an online newspaper. Now I have found out she told my niece I rang her to bully her. I was beyond speechless. I don't understand her because she is normally so sensible.

it's like people who say that there is too much traffic on the road - they usually mean that they want others off so that they can drive more easily and quickly!

I’m here with my mother during this tough time. My mother is 87 very independent and fit, still drives but she has had two valve replacements,, has sporadic RA attacks and takes warfarin along with numerous other medications including self administered injections. My mother is a woman at risk. But so am I with asthma! I do the shopping,cleaning, taking her to the doctors or other appointments and they are many! Mom is suffering terribly from cabin fever. How do you stop someone going out when they say their short of a certain tablet, would like the paper, can you get me this and that? Her only joy in life before the virus was being able to do her own thing, visit relatives, do the shopping and now she has to stay home. Your friend is coping with this every day! Her additional outings are the lesser of two evils and let’s not beat about the bush here, I bet her mother ‘forgets’ sometimes on purpose? Please don’t let this discolour your relationship, she is doing the best that she can under very trying circumstance, be kind to her and support her, she needs friendly ears right now.

Slightly OT, but I thought pensions were paid into bank accounts now and no need to go and collect them.

I wonder if in the case of her mother it's loneliness and fear. When my stepmother was alive and living on her own she made her eldest son go shopping every day for her, she wrote a list of several items, she couldn't have needed them every day . It meant he had to call to collect the list and then deliver the shopping. She would also call saying she couldn't get the tv to work after he had gone home and he would have to go back. Maybe your friend doesn't want to say no to her mum. It us a difficult time for us all and I think it must be very frightening if you have very elderly relatives to care for.

How is being non judgemental when we see people acting selfishly going to help put an end to the daily death toll.

Message for your friend

EVERY SINGLE contact you have with another human increases the risk of YOU picking up the virus and passing it on - to others- to your mother who you are trying to help! This is the reason for minimising the number of times you go out for any reason.

We needed to hear that Franzipan60. It is NOT about being judgemental, it is about keeping the pressure off the NHS and protecting the vulnerable. GoldenAge makes some extremely important points and what may seem to be an innocent trip has the potential to do untold damage. I live in a small village and haven’t set foot outside for nearly 3 weeks. I’m healthy, but my husband is not! I go on an exercise bike once a day. Village or not , I know of two people who have died.........

I have also noticed a trend to shaming people over the content of their shopping baskets too!
A friend went to the shops a few days ago to get a few bits she needed and also grabbed a birthday cake for her partner (birthday was a few days ago) and a bottle of wine to celebrate! she was upbraided by someone behind her at M&S with the jolly mantra “that’s not essential ! “

What seems to be misunderstood is that the lockdown is about easing pressure on the NHS
Your friend would be very upset if she or someone she knew was not able to get treatment because of an overwhelmed health care system
She is being selfish
The majority of us are doing our best to minimise the effects of this disease
She is adding to the problem

It's hard to get it right. I was in tesco yesterday. My groceries were being scanned when the assistant snapped "stand on the X , social distancing". I hadn't seen the X as it wasnt there last time. I also made the mistake of going to an empty till only to be told there was a system and I had to walk the length of the shop to be told what till to go to. You've guessed, the same till I'd been at.

This rings true to me too Ive actually had to unfriend several people on Facebook as they have annoyed me so much.

One friend had Coronavirus but thought it was OK to go to pub after a few days as long as he stayed outside and his wife just carried on shopping and going out during this time!

My mum is getting very fed up as a friend is boasting about daily trips out including on the bus when mum is isolating.

I feel that some relationships will be permanently damaged after this.
Maybe we need to have an honest conversation with the rule breakers and point out just how hurt and let down we are by their behaviour and how it’s making us rethink our relationship.

I agree notanan2, we don’t know what people are dealing with at home, or health wise.

There are lots of health issues that visit us in later life that could cause us havoc if we sat in one room for over 12 weeks.

Also, take care of precious friendships, they will be needed afterwards.

I live in France, I am horrified by what is happening back in the UK, is the media and television telling you all what is happening in the rest of Europe, it’s horrific, particularly in Italy and now Spain and here in France, we are all under strict lockdown with high penalties through fines and prison sentences if necessary, for breaching the lockdown rules without carrying signed attestations which state the purpose of your journey in that specific day and how long and how far you are away from where you live!
I have close family and friends in the UK, and I keep telling them to ramp up their own isolation rules now, the Uk is approaching peak of this virus, France is already there...the UK is not far behind, and is a congested populated country.
I don’t care if anyone attacks my post for telling everyone, that only minimal and essential journeys are now necessary. I have just done my first esssential shop after over 3 weeks of strict lockdown.........and with the will of local people, we are even rotating group shopping trips to limit all exposure to this virus!
This is not scaremongering, the fact is that many are dying, even healthy people, and those who are looking at Europe from the UK saying they are not dealing adequately with the pandemic, need to look again, at what the UK population is NOT doing and what it should be doing NOW.
This is not about civil liberties, this is about saving your own life and that of others. Please, please, limit all your exposure.
A few weeks or months is nothing compared to a lifetime ❤️❤️???