Frustrated with parents!!

Here's the picture of how not going out helps - the figures are gobsmacking..!

easybees I wonder why you have to generalise I am 86and have been in my house not going out for about three weeks now so we oldies are not all stubbon, fortunate to have family here. I am offended.

I’ve been reading these posts and am so glad my mam isn’t here to go through this. She went out everyday even when it snowed she just couldn’t stay in! She sadly died last year with dementia and when we think back we can now see this was definitely the beginning of it she would wander around the shops all day! Thank goodness we haven’t this worry as you other posters have feel good for you all.

quizqueen

Because certain key workers have jobs that are vital and hence cannot help going out, it does not mean that others who do not need to go out might as well carry on and do as they like. Even one person deciding to stay at home can prevent the virus being passed on to perhaps three others, who pass it on to three more each etc.

It does not matter if you think your part hardly makes a difference or that a couple of old people can't be as prolific in spreading the virus as a Health-Care worker, the point is, they could infect others. However low the risk may be in your eyes, it still makes a difference mathematically if people who do not need to go out do not do so!

Tell them they are about as selfish as they could be - infecting themselves is stupid of course - infecting others is criminal.

Soniah

Sadly they may be shortening many other lives too. Many.

Mauriherb my Mum had Alzheimer's and would have been incapable of understanding. They went out for lunch every day. She died two years ago.

Dad (89) has taken this all onboard though he finds it hard, as do so many people.
I think what brought it home for him a while ago was when he was saying he missed going out to his usual garden centre coffee shop and I told him it was closed, no-one could go.
That shocked him, as up to then I think he felt it was only the elderly who were being told to stay home and the rest of us were carrying on as normal!
He spent two hours in the gardens yesterday chatting with the other residents of his extra-care apartments.
They all sit well apart!

Regarding the problem getting supermarket slots:

After giving up several days trying to get a delivery slot, writing to Dave, CEO of Tesco, told to go to the store(!) then that they are adding more deliveries - still no slots - I gave up trying (in medium dudgeon.)and am no longer using this.
My neighbour picked up some breakfast oats for me. I am lucky to get milk delivered. My local Greengrocer delivers. So long as I can get eggs, I can get by. I also had bread from the Milkman.

When we are free to shop again I shall shun the big supermarket as far as I can. My local shops may be a bit more expensive but I really appreciate them and since this experience I shall remain loyal to them.

I know this sounds harsh but if they feel staying in gives them no quality of life you may have to accept that going out makes life more worthwhile even if it shortens it. You have made it clear, they are grown ups, if that is their informed decision you'll just have to accept it and try not to worry

Who is likely to spread the virus more-a pensioner going out for a daily walk and a once weekly shop or a keyworker, who is in contact with the disease, then going home to a family and going out shopping on their days off. We have to be realistic here.

I agree with geekeese. My almost 88 year old Mum is conforming with all the guidance but it is wearing her down mentally. She has now began to lecture me on preparing for her death!!! None of us go on forever she tells me and I have had a good life sp stop worrying.

Geekesse,I agree with you 100%

It's hard to fully understand what motivates other people - past experiences, the feeling they've already had a good life, fear, ignorance, depression, attempts to find a coping strategy... People are trying to be brave but , yes, some are also being foolish.

We need to talk to parents, friends etc with respect. All we can do is point out that any risk we take is potentially risking others.

We can't lock folk in ( at the moment) , but can only make them aware as calmly and logically as possible of potential scenarios, which are not just about them. An older/already ill person taking unnecessary risks and acquiring the virus could put NHS staff in the position of having to decide who gets the ventilators if there aren't enough to go round in their area. Or worse, they might just be the person who passes the virus to a relative, carer, cleaner, doctor, or nurse who is trying to help them. That person could then die a very unpleasant death alone, leaving bereaved relatives behind, including young children.

You are not responsible for their behaviour. You are not in a position to prevent them doing what they are doing. You will of course be anxious that they are taking risks with their own and the health of others. Sounds like the places they visit could even comment on why they are out. Sad as it is, you have no power to stop them.

Coco51
Excellent point! It is in fact the main reason for isolation.

My youngest DD could use her job in the Hospital to send her son to school. But her husband is working from home instead to look after him. It's harder for him so why are they doing it ?
My daughter has a very scientific mind. She said it is far less about her son catching the virus than about keeping one less person going back and forth and being in school where it increases the chances for the virus to spread to others and then to others .....

The virus can only live inside the human body. It has to enter the body through wet openings. It can travel about 6 feet through the air and remain active and ready to infect for many days on different surfaces, e.g. the pump at the petrol station.

If you do not obey the measures you are putting the lives of others at risk.

The only way to stop it is to not let it get into people.
Keep people away from each other.
do not touch your face
Wash your hands often and after touching things when out
or use alcohol based hand sanitiser
Don't go out unless it's vitally necessary

One person fewer out there can stop the transmission to hundreds of people... (we need the graph..)

I know I'm preaching to the converted, and apologise if you feel affronted. I just feel, like the OP, frustrated at people who do not understand. Maybe she could send these replies to her parents.

Geekess...just to say I totally agree with you. I am fortunate to live by the sea and so my hours allowed walk every day is along the beach ...there are Police patrols going up and down and I carry my address with me to show them if asked that I am not a day tripper but live round the corner ….I avoid others at the necessary 2 metre distance ...however, many don't and are still taking the family to the beach and the dogs …..which concerns me as if the government does bring in the more stringent rules to stop ANYONE going out, this will impact on so many lives, not just those selfish people …….what a shame ! I live in a small flat and the garden is not is use ...so I would simply be sitting looking out of the window for months ……..I also own a caravan to which I was planning to go for the summer ...now not possible (but the Park owners are opening to allow any NHS out of area workers to use the site ...which is kind of them and I am pleased about that ! So, also I have my funeral paid for and no one who would come anyway, so that doesn't bother me. I could be a carrier ….and not know, but then, so could anyone......stay safe and hoping all those people who have to go to work are safe ,,,all NHS staff, postmen (although we just had letter saying our post office is no longer open all day ..only between 7.00am and 9.00am which is good ….bus drivers, delivery drivers, refuse collectors, shop workers, school teachers (the primary school next to me is still open, not sure if it will be after the Easter holidays...and anybody else who cares for people such as home carers, etc PLEASE can the government get PPE for those people

Everyone in Torquay seems to have decided enough is enough and they're out and about doing whatever. Don't know where the police are.

My parents died a couple of years ago, but my sister and I agreed that they would have been a nightmare if they were around now. Too proud to ask for help, too stubborn to heed the warnings. I really sympathise with you

I do wish I lived closer. I and my family here are following all the rules. I haven’t seen my two grandchildren in weeks as was already isolating as much as possible before the lockdown due to previous medical history. I can completely understand they are proud of their independence and don’t want to rely on neighbours to get shopping and haven’t been successful, other than the milkman, in being able to get deliveries. I tried last night again for Tesco and all the slots had gone by 00:02 (they release slots at 00:00) and had been in the queue to get access to the site for five minutes before midnight too. So they pop to the shops to get food and bits and yes there is only the two of them so they are not strictly flouting the rules although the frequency of visits to the shops, and the bank, is more than what I would say was essential. I don’t think though they should be going out at all! I have tried to tell them stories of what’s happening but it’s the “it won’t happen to us” attitude that’s the problem and the lack of understanding that they risk others too. It’s so tough for so many and they just don’t seem to see it, or want to see it. Mum also had TB as a child and was sent to convalescence for two years and still has scars on her lungs from that but believes getting out in the fresh air is best.... just take a lovely lonely walk then.... !!!

@CarolAnne I am perfectly capable of reading listening and seeing advice and understanding the principles of cross infection control thank you

Maybe you could emphasis to your parents that they could be carrying the virus without knowing and infecting other people, i.e, nurses, doctors, key workers, etc. Ask them how they would feel if they had caused possible deaths to the young. They might think twice before going out again.

I heard this morning that 3000 people were in Brockwell Park yesterday and so today Lambeth Council have closed the park. I used to live very close to the park and most of the roads nearby are houses with gardens although there are 3 tower blocks also nearby so I don't understand why so many people needed to go there.

Most of the visitors seemed to be younger people. I wonder whether so much emphasis has been placed on the elderly being more likely to die from the virus that young people don't think that they will catch it.

I am 81 and my husband is 87 and our daughters have insisted that we do not go food shopping even though we are still fit and active. I do feel guilty about the fact that our one daughter is having to get our shopping as well as hers for a family of four. However we are prepared to put up with this as we know they want to keep us safe.

We are fortunate that we live in a retirement apartment with a balcony with nice views of the cathedral and large pool and it is very quiet with very few people about so easy to go for a walk each day. However I would find find it hard to cope if we were stopped from going for walks.

On another note I have a friend who lives in a small village with no amenities and is still driving to the next town to go to the supermarket in spite of neighbours offering to get shopping for them, she is 89 and her husband 91 with ill health. I must admit I do feel appalled by this. Unfortunately her family live a couple of hundred miles away

Give up any idea of controlling your parents. They are adults, if their actions give them the virus and it kills them, it is their fault, not yours.

Those stupid people (young and old) are risking other people’s lives!
I wouldn’t hesitate to phone the police if someone I knew was flouting the lockdown rules and going out unnecessarily.
Maybe a visit from the police and the risk of a fine will get through to them?

My DIL is a doctor looking after Covid-19 patients in a London hospital. Aside from the lack of ventilators, the medical staff themselves do not have sufficient suitable protection and are relying on inadequate plastic aprons and ordinary masks. Many of them will contract this virus and some will die.

It’s irresponsible behaviours like this that make me so angry. If you know someone flouting the rules, report them. This isn’t about being a nosy neighbour, it’s about everyone doing their duty and being a responsible citizen!