Frustrated with parents!!

Nan79, I’m sorry you’re struggling, but even on this thread surely you see it’s not just young people flouting the rules. It’s all generations

I am both angered and saddened by some of the comments being posted.

Some elderly are showing they are being as irresponsible and blinkered as some youngsters. The governments guidelines are now instructions.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Youcantchoosethem says.

Sorry but calling police or doctor etc will not do anything but just take up their valuable time.

I just hope the stubbornness of some doesn't cause our support workers more work. On our local news last night (SOUTHWEST) police are having to keep on the alert for "holiday makers". Fines are being given out. Emergency services are being called out to surfers in trouble and a car stuck on the beach with tide coming in.

Someone mentioned 75+ will not be ventilated. No evidence of this unless it was this item re Italy

QUOTE:
"My Italian doctor colleagues are keeping me updated. Ten per cent of COVID-19 positive admissions are requiring ventilation on intensive care units, there are staff shortages (either unwell themselves or self-isolating), supplies are dwindling and ‘private’ intensive care units are being utilised. They’ve told me that no admissions over the age of of 75 are now being allowed into Italian intensive care units."

Sadly, I have seen many elderly people going about their normal business (I am 75, don’t consider myself elderly, but am abiding by the ‘stay at home’ rule). Some of them are of the opinion that they are old and will die soon, but don’t seem to realise that they can pass it on to other people.

I don’t think we can do anything as they are being pig-headed and selfish.

Sorry, but this behaviour is likely to kill people. If not themselves, then someone else. Highly irresponsible to say the least. Frankly, I'd threaten them with the Police. Every village has its idiots...

Have they not had a letter telling them to self isolate?
If you have been totally blunt and told them they could die by their actions, that no one would come to their funeral etc etc & that they themselves could kill people then there's not a lot you can do.
Just wish them luck and tell them to make sure they have your details on them so that you can be called
If that doesn't scare them then nothing will.

We have the reverse problem! Our DD is absolutely determined to keep us out of the shops. She has ordered THREE enormous Sainsbury deliveries during the last weeks (the third has just arrived) and there is no way we can eat, store or process everything. The spare bedroom is full of dry goods which will last for months.
I have told her this is selfish and unnecessary, also that I shall be taking some of it to our local basics bank. And I felt that we had to reimburse her for the cost of a whole lot of stuff we should never have wanted or needed (qinoa, anyone?). I know she loves us and means well, but this is a burden not a blessing.
I don't know how she got the delivery slots. I also have an account but none available to me.

We are stranded in Australia at daughter's home with 3 gc! Our 40 something son and daughter called us for a 'family meeting'. They we're so concerned for us (69 husband with a heart cond + me 67 and healthy). After a good chat we decided to stay here with daughter insisting she does all shopping. So we have a walk daily and help around the house and garden. We feel safe and more secure here and love that our children we're so concerned for our well being.

My reply was to nannygranby, not Tillybelle!

Youcantchoose - I can see both points of view here - yours and your parents. I have my daughter living very close and she has been fortunate in adding me on to some of her regular deliveries but I hate relying on her and have tried myself to get online with no success. All the promises of extra delivery slots for the 'vulnerable' are fake because what you have to do is divert to the government website to register and that website introduces the word 'extremely' vulnerable and sets out criteria like having had a heart transplant or undergoing chemotherapy - this means that people who have been told they must stay at home like 70+ irrespective of their physical condition, have fallen through the cracks.
So, on three occasions hubby and I have been out in the car to 'look' at Sainsbury's, and yes to give the car a run because we can't let it stand for months, only to find queues around the store's car park perimeter and back onto the main road and of course we have simply come back home, with no provisions. So I do believe we should all stay home and leave only to buy essential provisions, collect medication, or for a short burst of exercise but for those over 70 and unable to get online delivery that's very difficult. You, however, have done what you can for your parents and short of giving them websites of places that will supply them with things like cheese, fruit and veg boxes there is nothing else. Perhaps telling them that if they are sick you can't help, and if they die you won't be able to see them or be at their funeral might shock them into asking a neighbour for a bit more help.

If their actions affected only themselves I would agree but just going out and taking no heed of the welfare of other people is something that should be condemned. This is a life or death situation. If they are competent to shop and do their banking they are competent to understand why they should not go out. By doing so they are unutterably selfish and are not worthy of being ’cut some slack’

geekesse

It's not about whether you catch it and die.

It's about how many people you infect.

People who might have an undiagnosed heart problem.

People who pass it on to other people.

And if you do catch it, before you die you'll be certain to call for help. Then you have unnecessarily put at risk medical Staff, used up a much-needed ambulance, taken up a hospital bed, required a lot of help from people who are needed by those who did not put themselves at risk for no good reason.

Have your introverted walk if you must but make sure you keep at least 2 metres away from other people.

Youcantchoosethem. I am so sorry you have this worry. I can't add much to all the good replies above. I think you have done everything you can. I know it is dreadful to feel helpless. But please try and comfort yourself that you did what you could. I expect you will keep trying as we are made that way. Sometimes there are good examples of how the virus spreads on Twitter or other places. You might send these to your parents when you see them.

Please try not to worry and stop thinking about it all the time. You are a good daughter, You cannot do more than try your best. You did that. Now step back and try and enjoy your life doing other things.

Would they take any notice if you said they could be spreading the virus and someone might die because of their selfish behaviour?

NannaPat. Listen carefully to the government information and you may understand more about cross infection etc.

Of all places you would think gransnet would give the elderly some slack. When you think of the thousands of workers, commuting daily and reckless young gathering you come down heaviest on the very aged.
They never did go to matches and gatherings of hundreds and thousands and haven’t suddenly lost their marbles (well some maybe have). And any of them or anyone who has not received the letter - thank goodness. As a GP explained in the New Statesman it’s covert message is that doctors, authorities, ambulance crews, police, have been told you will not be moved from your home if you get Covid -19. It’s like a cross on your door. You will not go on a ventilator you have been judged as not valuable enough in this very ageist and disability unfriendly age. Think. Be kind. Do your best. But don’t hurl brickbats at the innocent. And as for the ‘call the police’ it sends shudders down my spine how soon could we descend into a Stasi- like society, snooping and tale- telling to the authorities.
I have the same problem in my family my SILs parents in their eighties are carrying on their very limited life much as usual to the fury of my daughter. Though they now accept shopping being done to the point that my daughter was phoned up and told that they fancied some fresh halibut for their tea please. Sometimes you have laugh. They have given up church .. and now can’t move to new bungalow next month. Their memories aren’t what what they were. It is a very worrying time. Don’t disable and discount them any more. Old age is not for cissies.

Saw something posted on Facebook - remember a house isn't as small as a coffin!

As Terry Waite said we are not being detained just kept safe.

I shop for an elderly neighbour who is on the restricted list. He had his letter and I have now organised the food box delivery and other support. He's not happy and I sincerely hope he doesn't refuse the help. He says to me that I am allowed to go out shopping. Maybe be I am but when my family are looking after me I can hardly go behind their backs! Plus I have a well stocked freezer and cupboards, can get milk from the village shop. My daughter-in-law gets me fresh fruit, veg and eggs. I was more often than not just going out for the ungrateful neighbour.

So long as they keep their distance from other people and wear gloves and masks they should be somewhat protected. However they need to be told to continually wash their hands and not touch their faces, as well as washing the vegetables and fruit and wiping everything else with disinfectant wipes... Will they do that? It's what we in Israel have been doing and although there is quite a high proportion of people ill, there's not a great loss of life. Thankfully.

How I agree with geekesse I am nearly 80 sitting at home on my own, my husband died 30 years ago. I get texts from my family but no conversation. I am carrying out government instruction, but it annoys me that many younger people are just doing as they please. They are the ones spreading this virus, not us seniors who haven’t seen family or friends for over 3 weeks. This virus will never end if people flout the rules and us seniors will be locked down for longer. We should take a leaf out of Spain’s book, where police are fining on spot or spell inside. My friend lives in flats with a lovely green, yesterday a young couple sitting on bench (not residents) having a picnic with food and wine. How is this fair. Stopped residents using green.

I have a friend who sent me a msg yesterday to say that she goes out with a friend and her dogs for a 6 mile walk 3 times a week. I feel very cross with her but will not comment. If she does infect others through her utter stupidity and selfishness be it on her head!!.
Some people are so thoughtless and egocentric.

Have problem with my other half - 76 tear old - who one minute is watching news and saying "It makes you frightened to go out" and the next is nipping out to the front of the house to wash his beloved Jaguar and saying "she needs to be taken for a run, I think I'll pop to the Aldi in Atherstone" I have not left home in 3 weeks.

If they are practicing social distancing, handwashing etc, is it so much of a problem? There will be more negative consequences of this pandemic than catching the virus: mental health issues and other illnesses and conditions going undiagnosed and/untreated for example.

Yes my Mum would have been the same, she lived through the war and survived so this is nothing!- frightening

I live in a rural village, there is a family just down the road who live on a small farm. Mother and father live in the bungalow on the farm . Son does the work on the farm He is married with a teenage son. Father is 87 and on the isolation list, Mum is 83 and not in good health. Son is mid fifties severe asthma( I realise he has to feed the animals) his wife is similar age, MS, only one kidney which is under investigation as it has spots on! They are carrying on like normal. Son even took his Mum shopping on Friday- two people travelling in a car BUT NOT from the same household. The son's wife is blatantly ignoring the rules.

I have a friend who lives on the Wirral she is recovering from cancer. She has neighbours whose whole families are in and out all day long and it is making her frightened. She feels she doesn't even want to go sit in her garden.

I have never reported anyone is my life but it really makes you wish that there was a hotline to do this.

WHY are people NOT listening??

Geekesse, do you REALLY not get it? All this isolation and social distancing is not just to protect you, it's to protect others FROM you.

You must know by now that this virus has a 2-week incubation period. So this means if you catch it, you won't know for 2 weeks that you've got it. Therefore your attitude of "not going out of your way to avoid it" is also "not going out of your way to prevent infecting others". Or don't you care about that? Sorry, but I stand by those who describe that attitude as irresponsible. Or possibly murderous.

Very difficult - would turning round to advising them to stay home so they don’t give anything to anyone else help?
Don’t beat yourself up - you can only do so much - which you are doing

The best thing you can do is just stay in touch. You can't change them and keeping on about staying in will just cause friction, stress and bad feeling on both sides. Accept that they are adults and can make their own choices, however stupid those choices are. I speak from experience.

Well glad not just my elderly mum who doesn't seem to grasp the virus problem and how serious. She is fine mentally and physically at 89 but all I get is "We lived through a war and had bombs dropped on us". I read her the riot act the other week but only ended getting myself in a tizzy, went to do the shopping and found I had left my purse at home. Oh how embarrassing at the check out! She wouldn't budge I was going shopping for her on a Wednesday instead of her usual Friday and said she didn't want anything, it wouldn't keep! She has a fridge and freeze, oh please give me strength! Grrrrrrrr.................................