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Tongue in cheek view of Coronavirus measures in Australia

(17 Posts)
SueH49 Sun 19-Apr-20 01:34:48

Sadly this is not far from the truth.

This should clear up a few things for you.

In case you're still not sure what's going on with COVID 19 in Australia, here are the official Coronavirus guidelines:

1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can, but it depends on where you live, and what you do.

2. Some beaches are closed but others remain open, you can meet in groups of two to 10 depending on where you live, but fishing or hunting on your own is dangerous.

3. Masks are useless, but maybe you should wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well, but you cannot find them for sale.

4. Stores are closed, except those that are open. Some that are open can let less in than others, in any case depends on how regulations are policed, or not policed.

5. Some stores can sell non essentials, other than stores who cannot.

6. You should not go to hospitals unless you really must go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick, if you are too sick, please stay home, if you were already sick, your operations have been stopped, until some time later.

7. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that some die, but only if they were already sick, but now the old flu is no longer being reported, unless it is the new version, but we are not sure our tests know which, so until we know, or don’t know, any flu is coronavirus, unless its not.

7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help, if you can find them for sale, but please sanitize them on a regular basis.

8. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it's important to GO OUT, unless you are going out with out a good reason, but when you get there and what you wanted is not available, you can go back out looking for it, and yes you can stop for a hair cut or to shop at Bunnings (like B&Q) as long as it is essential, unless you are going out for a non-essential reason.

8a All markets are closed unless they are markets that can remain open and or the police policing the regulations decide the market is an essential service where they will decide if non essential items can be sold or not sold

9. There is no shortage of toilet paper or groceries in the supermarket, unless they have run out, and if there is a lot of what you want, you are limited to only 2 of that item, so you have to shop again tomorrow.

10. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects and those affected may show no signs of the illness, but can give it to you, but can all go to school unless the school they go to is closed.

11. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there……..but be careful if your diet includes bats who cannot transfer it to you unless you eat one that can.

12. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms, but even if you have the right symptoms, unless you have been overseas, please stay home and do not get tested.

13. Police will issue updates on the regulations, but the officers empowered to uphold the regulations may not understand what they mean, but those that do will be advised by another, just in case they are unsure.

14. The Virus came from either a Bat, in China or from the US, then transported to a Bat who was subject to animal welfare abuse, which means the world has shut down, because of animal abuse unless the bat flew from the US got tired and died so was eaten appropriately.

15. Anything you are told is not correct unless Facebook tells you it is, as long as a UN department tells Facebook it is correct, which may not be correct if the UN advisor is not quite sure.

16. If you are unemployed, you will get much more money, if you had a job you will get less, if you have a disability you get nothing more, same if you are a pensioner, but if you are an employer, you can have money to pay your staff even if you are still operating, unless you are self employed then you must apply for support after paying your accountant to show your sales are down, but so far we are not sure when any of this will happen.

I am not confused by any of this, unless I might be, but then who knows what is real, I need FB to tell me.....

SueH49 Sun 19-Apr-20 01:41:09

Just to make it more confusing, you need to bear in mind that in Australia we have 6 States and 2 Territories all of which have their own Government and laws as well as the Federal Government so what happens in one State does not necessarily happen in another.

Hetty58 Sun 19-Apr-20 01:41:34

Brilliant - just about sums it up!

Oopsadaisy3 Sun 19-Apr-20 07:42:01

I posted something very similar on my FB Page last week, a UK version but very similar ( and confusing). I think that we should do what we think is right, so it’s masks and gloves for me if and when I venture out to the shops.

SueH49 Sun 19-Apr-20 07:51:47

Oopsadaisy, apologies I did not see your post.

I just thought it was an amusing piece and pretty much sums up the inconsistencies with the "rules" in whichever country one is in.

Gaunt47 Sun 19-Apr-20 07:56:45

SueH49 Thanks for this, it's brilliant! Tongue in cheek but accurate. Could have been written in the UK.

Oopsadaisy3 Sun 19-Apr-20 07:57:21

sue mine was on FB not on here, it would be funny if it wasn’t so bang on!
Everyone seems to be muddling through and your list sums it up nicely.

Calendargirl Sun 19-Apr-20 07:58:57

Not sure if this info is still accurate, but when I spoke to DD last week who lives in Oz, they had had 62 CV deaths, and she said many of them related to cruise ship patients.

Of course, this may all be different by now, haven’t checked.

Auntieflo Sun 19-Apr-20 08:18:42

Thanks SueH49. Sounds just like us here!

Davidhs Sun 19-Apr-20 08:23:51

Officially the Aussies are very liberal and PC, as individuals they are very different, so the OP is no surprise. The death rate is very low so far, less than 100 attributed to C19

BlueBelle Sun 19-Apr-20 08:26:56

Yes not just Aussie that same post is going round UK

Marmight Sun 19-Apr-20 08:29:38

DD is in Aus. They are all staying home and abiding by the rules - except SiL had a weekly business meeting on site ‘out West’ and one of the GS goes to the beach (alone) to surf 2x a day. Oh and a friend tells me the coffee shops are still open but it’s ok, its just for take out and she wouldn’t survive without her daily latte!

Gran52 Sun 19-Apr-20 08:39:39

Brilliant. Sums up the situation exactly - it does not make sense..... and meanwhile we are all told by the government we have to stay indoors in fear of our lives while 5G is installed. Something is very very wrong somewhere

SueH49 Sun 19-Apr-20 09:05:10

Calendargirl as of today I believe we have 71 deaths of which 23 came off cruise ships - 19 from one ship. The vast majority of deaths are from people who have come back from overseas travel.

Marmight some coffee shops are still open but as your daughter says just for take away sales. Like your DD I do like my daily coffee but I have a coffee machine so don't need to go out for it.

Callistemon Sun 19-Apr-20 10:06:35

I understand the negligence of the company which owns the Ruby Princess contributed to many of the cases of COVID19 in Australia.

It's surprising that there are not more cases in Australia but perhaps the measures they took early on by quarantining people have worked so far.
I hope it doesn't suddenly become worse.

eazybee Sun 19-Apr-20 11:44:02

A very fair representation of how it is. Life, really.

Oh for the day when the world is ruled by the reporters and TV presenters , all of whom are blessed with remarkable hindsight and will be able to tell us exactly what to do, before it even happens.

BlueSky Mon 20-Apr-20 12:47:56

So true! We are getting conflicting advice on every aspect of this damn virus!