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Coronavirus

Should I feel guilty?

(141 Posts)
aonk Sun 24-May-20 14:36:45

I’d like your views please. Until Friday we have stuck rigidly to all the lockdown rules. We have visited local AC and GC and spoken to them from the pavement. On Friday it was my birthday and the local AC brought their grandchildren down the side entrance to our back garden. We chatted from a distance and the children made a lot of noise. No one went into the house and we kept our distance at all times. Yesterday our DD and family drove 20 miles to do the same thing. We hadn’t seen them since early February as they had to self isolate before the lockdown. I now feel, much as I enjoyed these visits, that we shouldn’t have allowed them to happen. The noise made in my garden may have also upset my neighbours who are unable to see their grandchildren at all as their DD won’t allow it. Please don’t criticise but constructive comments would be very welcome.

aonk Mon 25-May-20 20:52:10

I don’t understand your post Jishere. It’s nice that you’ve delivered shopping to elderly family and chatted from a distance. However you haven’t had the same contact with your DD and GC. I would do it the other way round. I’ve said that I’ve met up at a distance with my AC and GC but wouldn’t dream of doing so with elderly family or neighbours as they are most at risk.

Nitpick48 Mon 25-May-20 18:58:46

We did the same last week! Sat in the conservatory with the door a little ajar, and grandkids had a picnic with their mum on the grass. No risks taken, kids knew we had to be apart so we wouldn’t catch “the virus germs”. They understood (7&4) and were fine.

Jishere Mon 25-May-20 16:45:07

Sorry to hear that May7 that has been and still is one of the saddest things about this virus lack of people allowed at funerals. This is Why many are up in arms at Cummings breaking the rules.

Unless I have missed something we will have to agree to disagree. I have seen elderly family whilst delivering their shopping and sat in their garden which is large enough to be a park. But my daughter and grandchildren no not yet and I can't wait to see them but who can tell me when that will be and I think this is what this thread has been about. We have all had to make sacrifices and if we use cs then we and our love ones will remain safe. Take carex

NannyC2 Mon 25-May-20 15:45:59

No, do not feel guilty Anok.
Many people are living in fear and they should not have this inflicted upon them.
We met my husband's niece as she left a shop. It was her first time at the shop and she just burst out crying. I just wanted to hug her....I didn't of course, just gently talked to her til she was okay.

Repercussions on people's other illnesses are really taking a battering - just read several comments elsewhere of dentistry problems and even to the extent of someone trying to stick there crown back on with superglue and did it the wrong way round.

There is much more debate and knowledge unwinding but often you will not find it on mainstream media.

Yes, I will remain sensible but I will not be made to feel afraid.
Bless you all.

Harris27 Mon 25-May-20 15:44:18

Don’t feel guilty we are moving forward and I think the pm will be putting new way forward again soon. Enjoy it for what it was.

May7 Mon 25-May-20 15:41:37

Oh and my understanding is that Dr Alex George met his girlfriend for a picnic in the park whilst being 2 metres apart which according to the rules is allowed. Not in his home or garden

May7 Mon 25-May-20 15:34:52

Well since you asked ,jishere I follow the rules laid out on the gov.uk website.

We have had no visitors whatsoever. Our house is up for sale we havent up to now allowed anyone to view.
We care for elderly parents and I do that online or telephone constantly. Difficult but not impossible. My daughter lives 10 mins away and we Facetime. My son and family live over 100miles away, we Facetime. We haven't seen them in the flesh since lockdown. We have a new grandchild due in July. It breaks my heart but not my spirit. My friends live nearby we facetime or WhatsApp. My clubs are done through Zoom. We shop once every 10 days. We couldnt get online deliveries even though we were regulars. We walk our dogs daily round the local field that's our exercise. Boring yes.
We dont go to our second home but still pay the full rental
We dont have Bbqs our council have asked us not to during this time
We have lost a relative in a care home to the virus but we couldnt attend their funeral
We have had a wedding anniversary party cancelled and have missed both our birthday celebrations.
Some of our neighbours break the rules to satisfy themselves and then they are all out clapping banging saucepans and letting of fireworks on a Thursday. Just so hypocritical. When the rules relax more then we will follow that.
I agree Boris et al is a mess and it does appear to be one rule for them and one rule for us but selfish is selfish whatever way you wrap it up

Jillybird Mon 25-May-20 14:27:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuckyFour Mon 25-May-20 14:24:24

We have had a couple of social distancing meetings with our daughter and family who live one mile from us. We were very careful and didn't share food or drinks or anything else. We have to stay sane. Don't worry aonk.

Jishere Mon 25-May-20 14:21:13

May7 what rules are you following? It's an absolute mess just listen to Boris all we have is common sense. Even an A&E doctor is social distancing himself on a picnic with a girlfriend. Which he well deserves. You can't control what others do, but you can control the common sense you apply to whatever you are doing. Nothing to do with being selfish at all.

Have a good afternoon all if you can't use instinct next best thing is common sense and remember not compulsory because Boris is too laid back to be that firm wear a mask especially on public travel. Take care allx

Jillybird Mon 25-May-20 14:19:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sharon103 Mon 25-May-20 14:13:48

I'm gobsmacked!
Well said Missiseff Mon 25-May-20 10:24:17
The rule was that you could meet ONE person in a park etc at a 2 metre distance.
After reading the comments on hanging and quartering Dominic Cummings, pot, kettle black springs to mind.

May7 Mon 25-May-20 14:09:40

missiseff
Selfish people are always self serving.
You clearly have a lot of common sense and have understood the rules correctly. Those using common sense as an argument for flouting the rules are really just trying to make excuses for their behaviour (safe distancing of course)
Unfortunately you can lead a horse to water........

icanhandthemback Mon 25-May-20 14:03:57

MadeInYorkshire, you are aware that those with kidney problems are in the higher risk category and most are in the "shielded" category. I think it would be very risky for you to start socialising at the moment. Of course, if you want to play Russian Roulette that is your right but if your daughter turned out to be a carrier, how would she feel as you lay at death's door?

Jishere Mon 25-May-20 14:01:35

Same with my parents Rosina and it does help lift the mental health. Glad you are all safex
I know that seems what the papers are guilty of showing crowded beaches which are photos of last year. My worry I've heard is not all public toilets are open at some coastlines?

Tiggersuki Mon 25-May-20 14:00:40

I feel very envious of you being able to see any members of your family. I am totally on your side and can assure you that your risk has been neglible. I live in Devon and my sister and her husband near Manchester have not left the house since March, my only son and only grandson live in Hertfordshire and we were in lockdown when they were due to visit at Easter! No idea when we might see them again and though my son calls every week my grandson is struggling to cope, not seeing friends when you are only 5 is tough. They are also having a loft conversion being done, started before lockdown as it was planned last year, so their garden is out of bounds full of building components and the house is disrupted. He now won't come to the phone so haven't spoken to him in 3 weeks. I hope he can go to school on the 1st.
With all the latest changes to lockdown we have been inundated with visitors ( we love by the coast and nice beaches) some from as far away as Manchester and people illegally staying overnight in dunes and even 4 couples breaking in to a locked up campsite. Traffic wardens ran out of tickets last Wednesday as cars blocked roads in the area. I would say keep safe as best you can and avoid the idiots (like DOMINIC CUMMINGS) who are risking all our health. I trust soon we will all legally be able to visit relatives however far away, if in the UK

Jishere Mon 25-May-20 13:54:51

Nannan2 I never said you did I think you have misinterpreted my post. ??

Jishere Mon 25-May-20 13:52:00

Misseseff what case do you rest that his a guy that went into love island although well known went back to his role after his stint on the show as an A &E doctor it only shows how down to earth and caring this guy is! No case rested common sense rules.

BlueSky Mon 25-May-20 13:42:00

Thanks Nannan only started doing this recently when restrictions have been eased a little. Before I didn't go near a supermarket. But my problem are water tablets, I decided to take them later in the day rather than first thing as I nearly had a nasty accident!

Nannan2 Mon 25-May-20 13:36:00

Bluesky,i couldnt always last without a loo either- i went in supermarket once, (waited till shopping finished) but id disposable gloves on, but washed hands (still in gloves) afterwards& sanitised them and made sure i touched things as little as possible, &opened door with a piece of tissue, then binned that on way out. when i got home, i removed gloves (turning inside out) binned them, then showered & changed before wiping down shopping.Its exhausting! But safer. If you dont want to risk public loos try drinking less before you go out.it may help.smile

Rosina Mon 25-May-20 13:29:04

Exactly Jishere. My daughter has a vast garden, about an acre, and I was able to access it without going through the house. We sat ten feet apart at least throughout the short visit. If she had a postage stamp of a garden I would not have attempted it - I am too concerned for her health to have done anything risky, but we were both so much happier for our meeting. There isn't a 'one size fits all'; if we are not breaking any rules, keeping apart, are outside in the fresh air and washing hands and sanitising, surely the benefits to mental health must be considered too? I have just watched a clip of the beach at Bournemouth today. The media refer to it as 'packed'. As the camera panned across it was obvious that people were keeping at least 2 metres apart. It seems some of these so called 'packed beaches' shots are from last year, and an article demonstrated how the camera can very much lie - two different photos of a queue showed people squashed together when viewed from the front, but a shot taken from the side showed that they were distancing perfectly in line with the regulations. I would like newspaper editors to be held responsible for the muck racking, inflammatory and lying copy they are printing at a time when we need so much better from them.

Saggi Mon 25-May-20 13:27:14

My two grandchildren 13 and 8 came to see me in my garden two days ago....with their dad...as mum ( my daughter) living away from them in ‘shielded’....first time in 10 weeks...we followed all the rules, they only stayed 30 minutes as well. My 8 year old on leaving came running toward me to try give me a cuddle , I had to stop her in her tracks ....she looked tearful but understood. OUR INSTINCT was to cuddle. So why Mr Cummings thinks his instincts should be allowed free reign, and mine shouldnt have free reign I do t know. Answers on his ‘pin-head’ please!

Nannan2 Mon 25-May-20 13:24:19

Jishere- i never said ANYONE on here was 'hugging or kissing' their families- i stated myself & my 2 youngest had'nt even hugged as i do share a home with them, and although im sure its probably ok to hug the people whom you live with,we have NOT even risked that! Gaw blimey some folk can't interpret what people say anyway! hmm

Missiseff Mon 25-May-20 13:21:59

Love Island?? I rest my case.

BlueSky Mon 25-May-20 13:21:55

So it's OK to use public/supermarkets loos? I have to anyway (with precautions as I mentioned) or I couldn't possibly last till I got back home! I do change my outdoor clothes ad shoes of course but I don't shower and put everything in the wash straight away. Do you?