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(15 Posts)
Willide1 Wed 10-Jun-20 18:57:45

Hi, just wondering what others would do in my situation, I live on my own but prior to the lockdown my son had been living with me for the past 2 years following the breakdown of his marriage. He had care of the his two children on a 50/50 shared care arrangement. He also has an teenage son from a previous relationship who stayed overnight 2/3 nights a week. Following the lockdown he agreed not to see the children as he was still going out to work and he moved out of my house to stay with his new partner because of the restrictions regarding seeing partners. Son is now working from home as is his partner and he now wants to resume having the children overnight as before. He couldn’t do this in partners home as she lives in a 1 bed flat so he wants to have the children here in my house but then return to partners home to work on the days that he doesn’t see them as it would be difficult for him to work from home at my house for various reasons. I am aware that children have always been allowed to go between separated parents but I am really worried about the risk this arrangement poses to me, I’ll be 60 next year, and also to my elderly father who I visit 2/3 times a week to provide care to as it would involve mixing 4/5 separate households which is clearly not in line with the government’s rules. On the other hand I Know how disappointed my son and grandchildren will be if I don’t agree to the arrangement and wondering if I am be overly cautious. Can I ask what would you do please in these circumstances, I feel like I’ve been put in such an impossible situation!

annep1 Wed 10-Jun-20 19:18:32

Your elderly father is at risk. I think if the children and their mother are going to shops or anywhere else they could possibly pass the virus on. Also are your son and partner staying away from others? You need to be careful. Its early days. Just say no if you're not comfortable doing it. If they don't understand its their problem.

NfkDumpling Wed 10-Jun-20 19:23:07

It sounds as if its still against the rules, so if you feel uncomfortable with it you have the excuse not too. What’s the R level where you are? You could use that too as a reason to prevaricate until things improve further.

Iam64 Wed 10-Jun-20 19:39:36

Yes you have been put in an impossible situation. Mixing four or five households in the way you describe not only goes against the government guidelines, it goes against everything we know about this virus. The more people you are exposed to in enclosed spaces, the higher the risk.

MissAdventure Wed 10-Jun-20 19:42:51

It's not one of those scenarios where we can ask "What harm could it possibly do?", because it's clear to see where.

Willide1 Wed 10-Jun-20 20:10:28

Thank you, my son has assured me that he and his partner are not having contact with anyone and I’m fairly confident that the children’s mothers are sticking to the guidelines as well, but they are still going out shopping, as is my son’s partner. I think they are all being as vigilant as they can be but I still worry about the risks but then worry that I’m overreacting. I just feel so torn.

MissAdventure Wed 10-Jun-20 20:23:22

That's an awful lot of people coming into contact with your son's family.
It's probably going to be fine, but the repercussions if someone did get the virus could affect a lot of people. (Who may well be fine, even with the virus)

NfkDumpling Wed 10-Jun-20 20:24:53

Are you in a high risk area Willidel? So much depends on where you lives and how likely it is you’ll meet an infected person.

We’re lucky. In our rural District Council area only about 0.2% are likely to have the virus today. And half of them at least will be isolating. So the chances of meeting one is fairly remote.

Oopsadaisy3 Wed 10-Jun-20 21:23:56

When in doubt, dont, you are risking not only your health but your elderly fathers. It isn’t fair on him.

Willide1 Wed 10-Jun-20 21:42:49

I’m in Wales, we have had a high number of infections where I live although numbers have been dropping in recent weeks and only small number of daily infections now being recorded.

fevertree Wed 10-Jun-20 22:01:12

I really feel for you, what a dilemma.

How big is your house? Can you keep out of each other's way as much as possible when they are in the house?

How old are the other two children?

As others have said, are you in a high infection area?

Can you be extra careful about sanitising before you go to your father's place?


CanadianGran Wed 10-Jun-20 22:31:57

So he has children from two previous relationships and has now started a new relationship with a woman in a one bed apartment.

Sounds like he needs to get his act together and find a place for himself and his children. His new girlfriend can then move in with him.

Sorry to sound harsh, and i know you are trying to be as helpful as possible, but he needs to be self reliant.

MissAdventure Wed 10-Jun-20 22:34:07

I was thinking that,
Glad you said it, though!

Esspee Wed 10-Jun-20 22:57:14

He can still see his children, just not have them overnight. I feel he is most unreasonable to want to put you and your father at risk.

annep1 Wed 10-Jun-20 23:53:44

I agree with Espee. He's being selfish.