Gransnet forums


I am new here and have joined in the hope of solidarity re the sheer depression I feel at the moment

(24 Posts)
Pebbles101 Sat 04-Jul-20 23:17:45

I cannot understand why it is ok for one grandparent to mix with family but not if there are two of you who live in the same house and do the same things. I am seriously going mad thinking I am never going to be able to be with my children and grandchildren again. The new rule today makes no difference because u cannot socially distance with a toddler.

welbeck Sat 04-Jul-20 23:35:20

i'm not sure i quite understand you, but didn't want to leave such an appeal unacknowledged.
we all have to weigh up how much risk we are willing to take, except of course those decisions also affect others, known and unknown, who are vulnerable.
our actions/decisions affect others.
maybe in a harmful way.
so it's not so much annoying rules , but how careful do we want/ ought we to be.
i know it's very frustrating, emotionally stressful.
but we are still in the midst of a pandemic. the risk is real.

Pebbles101 Sat 04-Jul-20 23:48:14

Thank u - the weighing up of risk is it in nutshell. However when there are two of you your ideas of risk may differ and this new ruling does not help solve that. Where is the scientific evidence ? Is that mental health is more important. Who knows .

sharon103 Sat 04-Jul-20 23:52:23

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe 6 people can visit from the same household at one time.
Is it possible that the toddler could sit in a pushchair, playpen or highchair for the time you visit so that there's a distance between you. flowers

sue421 Sat 04-Jul-20 23:53:57

Hi Pebbles101
We are in strange times, we have never had to deal with anything like this in our lives. It is ok to feel down, I had a day today when I havent got dressed and felt I couldn't be bothered with anything, it gradually lifted during the day but I still stayed in my nightie all day.
Have you told anyone how you are feeling?
I feel bamboozled by all the rules...and get worried about people breaking the rules.
I cant tell you what to do but do you feel you need to speak to your GP? Have you felt depressed for a long time? Speaking to GP may help. I'm sorry I cant help you more. But have a chat on here. Take care and stay safe.

Pebbles101 Sun 05-Jul-20 00:13:30

Thank u all again for support.

Oopsminty Sun 05-Jul-20 00:14:50

If you can have a little picnic in the garden you could both go!

Not that the weather is looking great but if so, that's a nice idea

Summerlove Sun 05-Jul-20 00:15:57

I’m so sorry Pebbles.

I hope you are able to visit soon

Teacheranne Sun 05-Jul-20 00:26:49

The rules are very confusing but I find the Gvt website the clearest. You and your partner are one household. You can meet another household ( of any size) indoors or outdoors but must socially distance hence no hugging.

The ruling re single person household being able to be part of a bubble with another household was to recognise the mental health issues for people living alone. I guess the risk of infection is doubled in households of two people so too much of a risk just now.

It has been tough for those of us who live alone and were shielding , I had not physically spoken to or met anyone for over 90 days until the sunny weather allowed a friend to sit with me in the garden for an hour. But she went home to her hubby and I went back to sit in an empty house - very lonely and depressing. Luckily Zoom has kept me in touch with many of my social groups but I often cry in the evenings after a Zoom session when I realise that many of my friends log off and go and sit with their partners while I am alone again.

Please done under estimate the impact lockdown has had on the mental health of single people. I have not seen my son since Christmas, he lives 100 miles away and is a key NHS worker so still won't risk visiting me even though he could now spend the night. I saw my daughter on Mother's Day even though she only loves 30 miles away, she is working from home but has two horses to care for! We will get together soon but there will be no hugging - I've not had a hug or another human touch for over 110 days.

Now I'm crying as its made me so upset thinking about it! So remember, there are a lot of people worse off than you.

FarNorth Sun 05-Jul-20 00:44:57

Pebbles 101, the whole situation just now is so stressful.
Even if we can have a reasonably normal life at home, as soon as we want to do something that should be simple - like buying food, or seeing relatives - there are difficulties to contend with.

Feeling down, and maybe having a cry, is okay.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, though, do think about contacting your GP. {{hugs}}

Pebbles101 Sun 05-Jul-20 07:34:04

I’m so sorry I do understand it’s been v hard on single people especially shielding ones. I hope u r able to see more people now. I know I’m better off than a lot of people too. Old habits of thinking die hard though. Working on it. Thanks for listening all.

Atqui Sun 05-Jul-20 08:07:03

Hello Pebbles and welcome. I feel the same as you, but I suppose the powers that be think that if two grandparents become infected it’s double trouble for the NHS, apart from it supporting single people in their loneliness. I have been seeing
our local grandchild who is a toddler, and it’s heartbreaking not being able to touch. I can see the confusion in his eyes. Other people seemingly ignore the guidance , but as others have said, it’s a personal risk assessment .

Alexa Sun 05-Jul-20 08:35:34

Pebbles, you are not alone, if that is any consolation. Many people very much miss their families.

Can you arrange a meeting in your garden, their garden or the public park while you all stay away from each other ? I agree the toddler is a problem, and I think the toddler could be confined for a short time.

Illte Sun 05-Jul-20 09:27:40

Like others have said, can you meet up outside?

I don't see distancing with a toddler as a problem. After all you wouldn't let them rush up and grab a strange dog or a horse. The parents would hold onto them or catch them before they got too close.

The main danger is to you (and the medical services) if your family is out and about-work, shopping, meeting with other people.

My daughter says she couldn't live with herself if she gave me the virus so we still don't meet, especially since my one and only garden visitor tested positive two days later!

BlueBelle Sun 05-Jul-20 09:40:35

Pebbles welcome to the group
I m not sure I understand what you mean Are you thinking that you and your husband can’t both see the grandchild/children at the same time ......but you can I think you may be over reacting to these ‘rules’ which are only guidelines It’s really for each family to decide what is best and sensible for them
If you and your husband have both been shielding why can you not be in your daughter or sons ‘bubble’
As for keeping a distance from a toddler it can be done but does it need to be done Who is at risk? who are you worried about.?
Do you live in a high CV area ? Are your children in high risk jobs.? Are you or your husband high risk yourselves?
If the answer is no then go and enjoy a visit there are no police going to swoop down and cart you off to jail
Make your decisions as a family taking into account what you all believe is safe and sensible

Teetime Sun 05-Jul-20 10:58:11

Hallo and welcome pebbles101 I think Bluebelle has put it very well I hope you can make the decision to see your family very soon.
I shall be seeing my daughter and grandson for the first time since early March next weekend- no power on earth will stop me hugging them!

Riskybuisness Sun 05-Jul-20 11:54:01

I think if the Government had been more specific from the start with thier plan people could of organised sooner. As These bubbkes are not a new idea. I was lucky enough to beable to move in with my son and be ckassed as 1 unit. The thought of what everyone must be going through is terrible. The only way out of it realy is 2 grandparents living together isolate if your home is big enough. Id even buy a caravan stick it in the garden and stay in it isolated. Then As long as you are limiting your own interactions and the children are kept safe too i dont see a problem.

Riskybuisness Sun 05-Jul-20 11:58:27

Bluebella hit the nail on the head.
""Make your decisions as a family taking into account what you all believe is safe and sensible""
I think this unity and care will always outway the guidelines which is put inplace and directed at many with no commonsense.

Illte Sun 05-Jul-20 13:00:10

The trouble is people have such varying ideas of what is safe and sensible.

The virus spreads mostly through close contact. Sensible would be to avoid close contact. But lots of my friends and posters on Gransnet judge the hug worth the risk.

My son, a doctor on a Covid ward, would say it wasn't. I saw him yesterday from a distance, the first time since March. He looks dreadful. Gaunt, with dark shadows under his eyes. Exhausted and sad. Your willingness to take the risk comes at a price.

FarNorth Sun 05-Jul-20 13:47:10

Exactly, Illte.

annep1 Sun 05-Jul-20 23:08:00

It's a very very hard time, and many of us are going mad, but at least we are still here. I sometimes feel so depressed and disorientated. And lose all sense of purpose and I'm sure my physical health has been affected and I wonder will I ever see my children again. They don't live in NI. Nevertheless I know we have to keep being careful and it's not just our own lives at risk. We have to make sensible decisions especially as a second wave is expected. It's awful I know. I just pray we get a vaccine soon.

V3ra Mon 06-Jul-20 00:08:24

My three year old granddaughter has said she didn't think she'd ever see us again! My daughter was quite worried about her.
They came here a couple of weeks ago (when it was allowed) for a socially distanced picnic in our garden.
We didn't hug, though that felt awkward. Better than not seeing them though.

Tuppence15 Mon 06-Jul-20 02:22:10

I’m with you Pebbles101 with all these confusing rules. Especially as they seem to be different in every part of the UK.
I to am feeling depressed about the situation. I live in NI. I haven’t seen any of my family since last year as they all live in different countries. That’s six children and seven grandchildren. I’m beginning to think it will be next year before any of us meet up, inside, outside or in whatever groups are considered safe.
It’s been hard just looking at photos and little videos on social media. Two of my grandchildren are now walking and talking. They were tiny babies last time I saw them.
Makes me wonder what we’re all staying in for.?

annep1 Mon 06-Jul-20 07:20:06

We can go out Tuppence but we need to keep our distance, especially as a second wave is expected. How long are people like Illte's son able to cope? Rules are confusing I know but because the government says we can do it doesn't mean we should..imo.