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Am I being over-cautious?

(23 Posts)
Luckygirl Tue 14-Jul-20 12:23:07

I mentioned this on another thread.

I am feeling mildly desperate today. My friend has just taken in her family as they are between moves - the grandchildren are climbing all over her and cuddling her. Her OH is an ex GP with an immune deficiency disorder and has been in the shielded group. It is all very puzzling and sometimes I wonder if I am being over-cautious.

I have not even bubbled with one of my DDs as they work from home and lots of people are in and out; the children are at school; and they mix with my other local DD's children (their cousins) who also mix with their cousins on the other side of the family etc. etc. A chain of potential virus transmission.

I have just been clearing out some of the GC's books ready for my hoped-for house move and it has proved a slightly depressing task - I have saved the best ones, but wonder if I will ever get to read to them again.

Not meaning to be depressing, but sometimes I wonder if I am being over-cautious. As a widow living alone, I could bubble with one of the DDs.

Pantglas2 Tue 14-Jul-20 12:37:45

You should only do what you’re comfortable with Luckygirl, everyone’s risk assessment will be different.

DH and I took the decision to fly to Spain with the utmost hygiene,mask, temperature taking precautions available and we are being very careful whilst here.

However, I wouldn’t dream of suggesting to anyone else that they should do likewise or anything they considered risky.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 14-Jul-20 12:48:32

You have to do what is right for you and only what you feel comfortable with.

BlueSky Tue 14-Jul-20 12:57:27

Lucky yes reading some of your posts I've felt that you could have become too cautious. Don't worry because I'm in danger to follow suit and I didn't ever shelter so it's understandable, but I've got my DH to encourage me to do a little more than before. Still just do what you are comfortable with or you'll end up worrying about it.
Pant well done, that's just what my DH wants to do if I didn't stop him!

MerylStreep Tue 14-Jul-20 13:01:36

I think the question you have to ask yourself is: how long are you prepared to live like that?
Will it be until there is a vaccine?
Until there have been no new cases for how long. A month, 3 months?

I have mentioned before that several of us neighbours meet every week in one of our gardens. One of our friends had not left her home since the lockdown because of serious health issues. She met up with us because she decided im not living like this any longer
We all have a choice.

PinkCakes Tue 14-Jul-20 13:26:11

Each of us has to assess risks every day of our lives - driving, crossing a road, eating/drinking unhealthy foods, etc., etc.

Covid-19 is the same - we can weigh up the risks of catching the virus, by minimising what we know to be risk factors - so, keep your distance from people in shops etc., wash your hands often, keep away from anyone with symptoms, etc., BUT I'm still working (hospital ward recptionist), seeing my family at weekends (2 GC included) and I'm still going to cuddle them. We all went out for Sunday lunch last week, followed all the safety measures in the pub, and it was really enjoyable.

I'd say SEE your family, have some happiness. We can't all live like hermits.

Marydoll Tue 14-Jul-20 13:30:39

I think the important piece of information is that the poster's friend's husband is in the shielded group. That puts a totally different slant on things.

When is the end of shielding in England? If he is still shielding, I too would be cautious.

Dinahmo Tue 14-Jul-20 13:34:31

Perhaps you could meet up for a picnic or barbecue in the garden. You should be able to keep your distance and still see your GC. And sit around blowing bubbles!

janeainsworth Tue 14-Jul-20 13:42:43

Luckygirl Are you saying you haven’t seen your family at all since lockdown?
If that’s the case, then yes, I think you’re being over cautious.

Luckygirl Tue 14-Jul-20 13:55:46

I do see my family - they come over here in the garden; and I go over to both their gardens. But distancing from each other. No hugs for them or the GC.

They really need me to do some child care, and I would love to do this. I feel that my close relationship with the GC, which has arisen out of close regular contact, is just slipping away - and I find that very hard indeed, especially having recently lost my OH. The special relationship I have with them is very precious to me - and I think to them.

They were here playing loads of the time, but that has all stopped. And we had special rituals at "Mama's" which they loved - and so did I! All gone now.

When they come round in the garden, quite quickly they are wanting to go home because the normal things they do cannot happen.

Like others, I am finding this all very hard now.

Illte Tue 14-Jul-20 13:58:36

I saw one member of the family in the garden for half an hour about three weeks ago. Two days later they tested positive for Covid.

It gave me a jolt.

A friends daughter visited grandma. The next day the daughter visited my friend. The day after the other daughter visited my friend. They and their families have all tested positive now. That's nine people we know of from one spreader.

The easing has made people think its on the way out. My son works in a hospital. Admissions are rising.

My family has decided we don't need to meet up. None of us feel desperate enough to take the risk.

janeainsworth Tue 14-Jul-20 14:40:31

Luckygirl Given what you’ve said about how much your GC are mixing with other children, and the fact that they’re at school, makes me think you’re not being overcautious.

My DD & GC are coming to stay for a week in August, but SiL and DD are both working from home, and GC haven’t been back at school, and they are being extremely careful.

I think we’re at the point where everyone has to assess their own risk and decide for themselves. If you live in an area where there are very few cases, it’s different from if you were in the middle of a hotspot, for example. Or if you’re particularly vulnerable for some reason.
The offer of doing childcare for them must be very tempting, but it’s something you should only do if you’re comfortable with the idea.

Kate1949 Tue 14-Jul-20 14:56:03

It's difficult to find a balance. We haven't visited a shop since the beginning of March. We've seen family in gardens. DD and SIL have come into the house twice. We did venture to our local pub. They had a desk at the door, took our details, a hand sanitising machine that we didn't have to touch. We just held our hands underneath it and it dispensed sanitiser. The tables were two metres apart, there was a one way system. We ordered on the app. Pretty good really. We felt better for it.

BlueBelle Tue 14-Jul-20 15:17:09

For me you are being over cautious but that’s for me and the area I live in so only you can decide what’s right for you
If you live in an low risk area I would certainly be meeting the grandkids and playing with them I meet my family who are all working and out and about and I m at work meeting customers again but I don’t feel unsafe as things are set up to protect us as much as possible
When do you think you will feel able to be with your family I can’t see an end to this in the near future so we have to adjust and hope for the best our mental health will suffer badly
If you have illnesses yourself then it’s probably different

BlueBelle Tue 14-Jul-20 15:19:03

You see everyone has to decide for themselves I ve been out and about more than you kate and back at work but I wouldn’t dream of setting foot in a pub ?

Kate1949 Tue 14-Jul-20 15:25:10

Well yes, BlueBelle I can understand that. We love our local pub so tentatively wandered down to see how the land lay. There was just us and one other couple in there. It felt as safe as anywhere.

Farmor15 Tue 14-Jul-20 15:28:53
Latest information seems to be that children are low risk for spreading infection, so having contact with grandchildren, even if they are going to school and mixing with other children, may be reasonably safe. However, as others have said, each person has to weigh up what risks they're prepared to take and compare with the risk to mental health and family relationships of staying semi-isolated.

AGAA4 Tue 14-Jul-20 15:34:59

Luckygirl. I too am a widow living alone. Up to last week I have only been seeing people outside but some of my family wanted to come and I decided to risk seeing them.

We had a very nice few hours together and took as many precautions as we could. I am glad they came.

I think you have to assess your own level of risk and how nervous you would become if you were inside with others.

Covid will be around for some time so we need to get used to managing our own safety.

Greeneyedgirl Tue 14-Jul-20 16:51:19

I think this is so difficult for you Luckygirl and so tricky for others to advise you because we all have different circumstances, and different approaches to risk. “Common sense” is not common to all.

I think it is much worse if you live alone. My GCs live a 140 miles away, and we saw them once in the garden and a walk out to a playing field on a very windy day. They insisted on eating outside because they didn’t want to put us at risk.

I am fairly risk averse and try to base what I do on what up to date research there is. This shows (so far) that young children are less likely to pass COVID-19 to adults. It’s different of course for older kids who are more like young adults.

It would seem therefore the risk of catching Covid is not from young GCs but from their parents.

ninathenana Tue 14-Jul-20 17:30:06

We have been seeing DD and GCx2 for the past few wks. DD and their dad are both key workers so no choice at times but the boys are 8 and 11 and are not keen on hugs anyway so no problem there smile
They are the only people we do see

kircubbin2000 Tue 14-Jul-20 18:33:21

I felt a bit uncomfortable at the weekend as gc from dils family joined us and his mum is a covid nurse.I had to go in the car with them but kept the window open.

Franbern Tue 14-Jul-20 19:16:50

I agree with those who say, do what you feel comfortable with. BUT do realise that the virus will not just go away, and will probably be around for a long time. Worst time will probably be early in New year.

I have been very pragmatic. I live by myself, am going on for 80yrs old. However, I also knew that I had to care for my mental as well as my physical health throughout. So, I met up with my local daughter in local park most days during April and May ( usually well apart, but at least someone to talk to). I continued to do my weekly supermarket shop myself. Did go to visit another daughter and g.daughter and stayed overnight a few weeks back. I go to local shops now, but always when they are not too busy. We have had family outings - but always, and only, to outdoor places. Local daughtert and her family now count as my bubble family - so g.children do come to visit me in my flat now.

I have not yet ventured into a restaurant, or had my hair down, although plan to do the latter in about another fortnight.

So, I have not kept myself totally isolated, which has been very good for me. I do not take notice of what other people do or do not do. I go with my own risk assessments and do what feels right by me.

This is what you need to do. I was quite astonished at someone I know, who has been totally and completely shielding since March. First time yesterday she met up with her son and g.children, first time she went out for months, and they went to an indoor restaurant!!!! But, each person must do what they feel happy about.

So, no-one can advice you, nor should you be upset or take notice of what other people may be doing.

Good Luck

GrannySomerset Wed 15-Jul-20 12:01:46

This has all been extra hard on you, Luckygirl so I am not surprised you are very wary. We haven’t seen our AC and GC this year but are planning for both sets to visit in August en route for Devon. This will mean staying but I am so desperate to see them that I think the risk is acceptable, and as the GC are teenagers they will probably be glad not to be hugged.

As others are advising, go with what feels right for you.