Grandma daycare when shielding pauses

Just because shielding ends doesn't mean everything will go straight back to 'normal', so you may have a little more time, although it sounds as if you have made up your mind. Your OH could be working from home for ages and your DIL may not be called back anytime soon. I am not sure if it is fear of the virus or exhaustion with childcare which is the bigger problem. Best thing would be to talk it all over with son and DIL just to find out what they are thinking, many offices are changing their plans now.

Are we, or are we not allowed to look after grandchildren here in the U.K.
Have them in our homes on their own for instance.

@Gingergirl. Yes you are correct in Scotland we can hug our young DGC but still socially distance from DC (and others). Not sure what the situation is elsewhere in UK.

You do really need to discuss this with your daughter and do be honest.

Tell her you love her and your grandson, but having not had him for a while has made you realise how tiring it was and that you feel too old and tired to go back to full-time five days a week care.

If you like, you could offer to have him two days, or two afternoons a week.

Talk to her now, so she can start making other arrangements. You may find she doesn't want to go back to your old arrangement either.

Unfortunately things can't get back to 'normal' yet. As you say your DH will not be going to work in London which indicates things can't revert to your original arrangements. Working from home is very difficult with children about. I think we all need to be cautious and prepare for area lockdowns and maybe a second wave. In my opinion we won't be able to see until next spring as to how this is going to pan out. In your situation the lockdown has let you realise how looking after your GS was too much for you and allowed you to reflect on what you may wish to do going forward. You can certainly use the medical issues with DH, him working from home and also your anxiety levels at the present time to encourage your family to use a nursery for DG while saying you will be there for emergencies, occasional days etc when all restrictions are removed (and in that I mean total return to normality). I hope you can get things resolved in a happy way for all.

This sort of thing confuses me. It’s a bit like the upsetting photo I’ve just seen that gransnet has put on the page, with a comment about booking a holiday to be with your grandchildren, showing an older woman holding their hands. What happened to social distancing? Don’t we do this with our grandchildren anymore? Is it not part of government advice? I know in Scotland they’ve said young children don’t need to distance but they haven’t said that in the uk have they? In which case, you should not look after your grandchild. But anyway, if you don’t want to now, I think that’s absolutely fine. Hard to tell your son this I know, but they will have to take it on the chin. The last months have taken its toll on everyone, and when you’re older, that means less energy ...and it’s all far from over.

I can see trouble brewing Rosie when you don't appease a DiL! Have a honest chat with your son I think they forget that we are all getting on.

And being brutally honest,not sure I want to go back to 6am starts and 11 hour days looking after an almost 3 year old

Even disregarding all your other circumstances, if this is how you feel, looking after him isn’t a good idea for you or for him. You need to have an honest conversation with his parents.

This doesn’t apply to everyone though, Humbertbear. We’ll be disappointed if we can’t get back to our “normal”, which includes a couple of long days a week with the grandchildren.

11 hour days with a young child are just too long. I always say there’s a reason why women stop being able to have babies and it’s because, like it or not, we don’t have the same amount of energy as when we were younger. We all want to help our offspring and have a relationship with our grandchildren but they are expecting too much of you. Could he go to a nursery/ playgroup in the morning and you pick him up for the afternoon?

I quite understand your reluctance to resume your babysitting duties for lots of very good reasons. Can he not go to nursery/childminder? I think for all your sakes a straight talk with your son and dil that it’s not safe to resume and how tiring it is looking after him for you.
Good luck.