Feeling sad and lost - can anyone relate?

I think your dd’s comment has caught you at a weak moment and her off the cuff remark wasn’t meant to hurt as it has.
I too have family far away. My dd is 6000 miles distant and doesn’t sometimes contact as often as I’d like. It’s 4 years since I’ve hugged her and my dgs.
As it happens just 15 minutes ago she did a surprise face time with dgs and it cheered me up wonderfully. However she can also be quite direct and make a comment unthinkingly that leaves me feeling hurt.

I’m sorry your day to day situation doesn’t have any demonstrations of affection. Is this something that has just evolved over the years. Are you and your dh good friends that can chh Htg at about the tv show you are watching, or about the garden.

What would happen if you were to tell your husband that you miss a hug and would he share a hug with you.
(((Hugs)))

@coolgran, yes, the situation with my husband and I has just evolved over the years and he would of course give me a hug if I asked for one. But... you know...
Never mind, the hugs from you have cheered me up and I’m sure you’re right that my DD didn’t intend to hurt me.
I’m so pleased you got the surprise FaceTime call! ?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

So sorry that’s gone in the wrong thread
please Ignore me

I think a lot of us 'oldies' are getting a bit sad and depressed. We are all in a very strange situation, with seemingly no end in sight. I too live many miles away from my DS and grandchildren. The girls have always come to us in August. But not this year, Our DD lives quite close so we have been able to see her which is great. But we don't want to make plans for Christmas as we may be disappointed again .

Do think that far too many people are totally obsessed with Covid. This has been ascerabated by the continuous news coverage of everything to do with virus in minute detail
Other times, we rarely see even one news item on the amount of deaths and illnesses from such things as seasonal flu, which kills thousands every year, or from other illnesses which cause tens of thousands of deaths. These are just 'normal' so not newsworth.
I can sympathise with the OP's daughter, she has two small children who have been hit so hard by the effects of this pandemic and she, as any good parent - is concerned about trying to their lives back to as near normal as possible. So, she really could do without her own Mother obsessing about one particular illness.
Problems with all this isolation is that gets people becoming very insular. Shielding is over - it is probably time for the OP to come out into the world again. She is fortunate that she is not living by herself.
Sorry, if this sounds a little harsh - but real life must intrude sometime

I was having a conversation with family and friends yesterday about what excess deaths means. Someone said that the excess death rate is now lower than last year's because Covid had caused the deaths earlier this year of many people who would have died from other causes, possibly a month or two later than dying from Covid. I don't know if this is true but it does seem a likely explanantion for lower than average "excess deaths" at the moment.

I’m in the same boat as you Bbevan although both my DS and DD live the other side of the world. DD and family had been due to visit next month. Goodness knows when I’ll get to see them all again. It’s a long waiting game isn’t it.

Bryan perhaps you should make your daughter aware that there is increasing evidence that Covid has long-term health effects for survivors, even those who have been young, fit and well prior to contracting it. Tell her to google ‘Long Covid’.

That might make her realise that your worry is not an obsession.
I’m sorry she is unsympathetic to your situation.
Most people I know of all ages are taking the risks and the necessary precautions seriously. However I think we are now at the stage where individuals & families have to assess their own risk & act accordingly.

We’ve just had a visit from DD & family who live 200 miles away. However, the children have not been at school & they have been working from home, so very little contact outside their home & all socially distanced.
Would it be possible for your son’s family to visit you?

If its any consolation, everyone I know in our older age group is finding this covid situation a trial. I had the dreaded shielding letter and continue to be very careful but, I am going out. Isolation isn't good for our m.h. as we all know.
I miss my daughters and grandchildren, my friends and othe family members.
Younger people aren't as scared of catching the dreaded virus because for most of them, it won't be a killer or leave them with covid long. It's pretty clear from the information in the shielding letter, that if that group gets the virus we probably won't recover. That's a horrible prospect for those of us in our 70s or 80's. We don't want to die from a virus that's suddenly appeared. We know we face a higher chance of heart attack, stroke, cancer and do what we can to keep healthy. Locking ourselves away for two years or till a vaccine is found, feels grim.
We need to see people, as safely as we can. We need to go out, as safely as we can. Finding a new hobby or craft to enjoy at home, reading and watching stuff on tv that makes us laugh. I'm considering a puppy.......

I'm sorry you feel this way. It was thoughtless of her to say that talking to you is depressing. She could have kept it to herself. The Covid worry is a bit like a bad cloud hovering over many of us but mostly we keep it at bay.

Are you struggling to think of things to talk about when she rings? Would it help to write a few things down and leave this by the phone so that when you talk it can steer you to other topics?

BryanthePigeon
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling.Im 50 and struggling too.I have health problems and need to be careful.I feel it's not knowing when life can be "normal" again that's so hard. I'm on a down week.I try to keep busy,I've been sewing alot,scrubs and face coverings,and bought some paints to try to keep my mind busy and it's something I haven't done before.My Mum is on her own in another country,we lost my beloved Father last year,and I have every sympathy for anyone who is alone.She says that not having a hug from anyone is so hard.Your daughter needs to see things from a different perspective and her comment must have hurt.Could you try a new hobby,order some things online? Puzzles,paint by numbers,reading? I know its basic but something that takes your mind away for a while might help.Our lives have changed beyond imagination at the moment.I have a DD and DGC overseas also,its hard.Take each hour/day at a time and try not to overthink.I also try to avoid the news at the weekends just to avoid some stress.Take care We are in this together.

I am sorry for you bryon but I think there is far too much distress and yes hysteria build up around this virus and it’s the media and social media that have whipped up a storm worldwide and we need to calm down
I totally agree with the theory baggs has explained
although I m in the older age range I have never stopped going out and for the last month my life has been totally normal apart from mask wearing when I go in shops I m back at work, eating out with friends, and yes giving my grandkids a cuddle when I see them ( teens so not very often)

My mental health in my last years of life is paramount and more important than the virus to me luckily all my friends feel the same way

That’s a good idea lovebeige I have one daughter who is not a conversationalist (with me) so I write a list before I ring so there are no awkward silences it doesn’t always work but once I try and think what to say my mind goes blank and it’s awkward for us both

.....*he would of course give me a hug if I asked for one. But... you know...* I don't think I do know! Ask away! Who knows - he might be feeling the same way. How can he know your needs if you do not spell it out?

I do understand your situation with DD. Mine are out and about visiting, hosting guests etc. and do not seem to be over-worried about the virus. However they are very careful indeed when around me, as they are aware that I am far more at risk of complications if I catch it.

What I try to do is actually not talk about the virus and its impact on my life - I ask them what they have been doing and take visible/audible delight in this - so they know that I enjoy hearing the fun the children are having etc. And I praise their achievements and generally try and have upbeat conversations.

There are some sad conversations as my OH and their Dad died earlier this year. But I let them initiate these.

I think that you have to make sure that your conversations with them are not a litany of your concerns and worries, even if you have to switch into actor mode!

Iam Younger people aren't as scared of catching the dreaded virus because for most of them, it won't be a killer or leave them with covid long

Sadly, that doesn’t appear to be the case. Here’s a recent article from the Conversation about the long term effects some young people are experiencing.

theconversation.com/heres-what-we-know-so-far-about-the-long-term-symptoms-of-covid-19-142722

So many in the same boat on here with DC and DGC far away to make the situation even worse! I think we all have bad days when everything gets on top of us and then maybe a surprise FaceTime call cheers up no end. I agree those of us who still have their partners are luckier than others, even if they miss children and grandchildren badly. I think we can only take a day at the time, there's no other way.

Thanks very much, everyone, for your valuable insights and suggestions. There are some great ideas here and it’s immeasurably comforting to know that others are experiencing some of these same challenges too.
I really appreciate all your comments.

Thankfully, my daughter is as worried about the virus as I am so, even though I don’t see either of my children or grandchildren these days I do chat with my daughter most days about the latest research. I don’t know how I’d feel if neither of my children took the virus seriously. I don’t chat with my son much these days but his wife works for the NHS and also shares my concerns. I did see a quote from Jonathan van Tam the other day in which he said we have to carry on being careful till at least next Easter but, by then he thinks things will start to return to some sort of normality. Of all of the so called scientific advisors he is the one I respect and listen to so this cheered me up slightly.

MayBee70. Thanks for letting us know about what was said by Jonathan van Tam. It gives many who are very worried by this virus hope.
I don't talk to my children about Covid at all unless they want to. They all have children so GCs are usually the topic of conversation, which is a much nicer topic than the virus. There are a lot of things to chat about even if you don't have don't have GCs
Bryan Maybe your daughter is just concerned that you are focusing on Covid too much and would be happier if you could distract yourself with happier things.

janeainsworth, yes I'm aware of the research.