Refusing to wear a mask

Don't tell him what to do - just say that you wear a mask because it's the law (not because it's right, or healthy, or respectful). The ball will be squarely (roundly?) in his court.

Kwest ?

I live in the US and the political environment here is quite frightening to me and I think impacting people’s decisions. We have a president that is out of control and is anti mask and anti science, which makes no sense. I have friends that are antimask and I don’t understand it.

I just told my friends that wearing a mask protects other people from getting COVID from you if you happen to have it with no symptoms. It’s about protecting others who could get very ill with it.

I’ve seen people get very sick with COVID and it’s no joke. It’s not the flu and we’ve yet to discover long term impacts to our health.

I don’t understand why the US is becoming anti science. It’s insanity to me.

You’ve got to decide how to address your son. I’d be soft about it but tell him it’s about protecting others from the illness. If he gets sick he’ll see the truth.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Interesting theme SP. Thank you. I always feel that the privilege of rearing of children is settting them good guidelines with strong foundations including moral codes. However, we usually also encourage them into this big wide world by thinking for themselves and sometimes referring to their upbringing for application of logic and common sense. My children and I have different viewpoints on many things but I usually lovingly 'respect' their opinions even when I radically disagree with them. I think back and fondly remember my Mum suggesting she despaired of me when I brought home more of my 'funny' ideas. 'Didn't get them in this house!!' And yet she was the strongest advocate that I should work things out and think for myself. Funny old world..... and comforting that some things never change.

I agree, I wouldn’t say anything.

I would simply ask him if he was interested in how you felt.

I agree with Sandelf. Not your business. I have several younger family members who feel exactly the same as your son.....in UK.........and I am sympathetic to their views even though at 77 I am much more cautious then them and I hope they respect my views too. I do feel that many of "the rules" are inconsistent and should be challenged.

I don't think the issue is clear cut on either side and scientists are not all in agreement. Remember we were told for many weeks that wearing a mask was futile. Now we are told differently....till the next turn of the roundabout.

He's an independent adult. He makes his own decisions. On this issue you don't agree with him. No need to fall out.

Hi. Think it is good your son can talk openly about such matters but worry how his wife feels getting described as a trophy wife. I thought we had moved in from such belittling attitudes about wonan and especially family members. XxGod bless xx

Could you just ask, "Are you sure?" and if you feel you should, add, "I'd rather be safe than sorry" then leave it at that? This conveys your feelings without causing upset, hopefully.

He is in a very different culture from here, and we all tend to be influenced by what we see and hear around us, even when we believe we just weighed all up and made up our own minds based on evidence. I know I am not an expert and therefore go along with what the experts advise - unless there is strong reliable evidence to the contrary. And your son is an adult - we can surely say to another adult that we have a different opinion, without expectng conflict. Adults often disagree with respect for each other.

Isn't it the same if someone is over the top about this virus, and others not so. Ie my daughter is a teacher, won't get on on public transport . Or go out anywhere to eat etc. Where as I'm quite happy on public transport( with mask on) and eating out. And I would love to go out and have a meal with her. But I know that's not going to happen, because she's so worried about this virus. But me I'm more ill do things but always stick to the rules. I would never make my daughter feel guilty about the way she feels .

I have found that when he is going on about his latest theory, not engaging and leaving an ominous silence leaves him with nowhere to go, my son similar in many ways to yours has known me long enough to know when I disapprove without words really being necessary. Just as in childhood when'The look' was enough.

I agree with the majority here Espee, I’d leave it. It’s not worth arguing or causing bad feeling over. He’s an adult and should be able to make rational decisions for himself. Unfortunately, as hard as it is to watch our children make preventable mistakes, we can’t control their thinking forever. I would probably slip in a comment about how you like to wear a mask in case you’ve unwittingly caught COVID , so you can shield others who may be, or may care for a vulnerable person. Other than that there’s not much more you can do xx

Andymorris - what is NX, please?

Esspee, it’s difficult for you, but I agree that stepping back to keep a good relationship is probably the way ahead. I feel for you x

you have the right to say what is the truth so tell him just like you did when he was a kid no different stand up for your rights I would and if he is a loving son he will understand that you love him and tell him that it is making you ill to think he may be ill himself good luck ( do with my boys it your right to say what you need to )

I know somebody who was very scathing about Covid, it was all media hype, a load of rubbish, Government trying to scare us. Then his grandson got Covid, he suddenly changed his ranting to people be more responsible, wear masks etc., etc.

I am 77 - have had Covid - way back in March/April - survived luckily - especially as I am deemed extra vulnerable. However I tend to agree with your son. There are divided opinions about the wearing of masks. I also think we are in danger of getting the whole Covid situation out of perspective. The endless statistics we are given often seem skewed to me. For instance the number of cases in the early part of the year was undoubtedly thousands more than is recorded simply because tests were not available - I personally know 10 people who had it - we are not part of any statistics. According to an article in the Telegraph today the latest ONS statistics show that the death rate at the moment is the same or slightly less than it is usually for the same week in past years - i.e. people dying of flu, pneumonia and other causes. Older people like me must just be careful and let the young get on with their lives.

Having spent a year in the USA, I know that attitudes there are very different. Also he is a man, and I suspect that men are more likely to take a "macho" attitude to illness risk - maybe because they are used to having a woman to look after them. Women, who do the caring, are more careful.

Personally I wouldn’t say anything, ask yourself will it make any difference and will he change his mind. I don’t think it is worth the possibility of the upset especially as you say he’s a good son and good at keeping in touch. It’s his opinion as an adult so I’d just respect it. I have friends who feel the same as your son and others that are rigorous with the rules. Each to there own.

I would say nothing, he is on another continent and unlikely to infect you.
You have to be careful who you talk to, I have been told " it's alright for you you'll be dead soon but we have to live with this for a long time "

Esspee Mon 19-Oct-20 14:57:47
My son who lives in the USA shocked me yesterday by stating on WhatsApp that he is now refusing to wear a mask.

He is an adult and can make up his own mind. If you are worried about his reaction, say nothing. He will probably know you disapprove anyway.