Gransnet forums


Covid in the care home and end of life.

(16 Posts)
Nanawind Sat 12-Dec-20 14:03:58

Mil (91) went into a nursing home in February. Has put up with not having any visitors during lockdown.
Contact was via telephone and zoom calls.
In August we were allowed to go to the window. 3 weeks ago the window visits were stopped
as they had covid in one of the 4 units. (Not her unit)
2 weeks ago all residents were confined to their rooms. So no calls, zooms or visits. DH has phoned nearly every day.
Thursday the manager called to say Mil has covid. This morning we have been told to expect the worse
but still not allowed to even go to the window.
This means she will die with no family members around. Such a sad end for her.

Situpstraight2 Sat 12-Dec-20 14:12:23

Same happened with my MIL. Very sad but nothing that we could do. She died just before her 90th birthday.

nanaK54 Sat 12-Dec-20 14:15:03

Oh I'm so sorry, that is so sad
I wonder what their justification is for you not being allowed to go to the window?

timetogo2016 Sat 12-Dec-20 14:20:42

I am so sorry to read that Situpstraight2.
And yes nanaK54,i thought the same.
And nanawind,i think i would kick up a fuss,even if you have to go to the press.

Situpstraight2 Sat 12-Dec-20 14:23:47

My MILs window was high up and couldn’t be seen from the road or garden, the home said that they would allow one family member in during her last hours, wearing full PPE, we thought that MIL (who had dementia ) would probably freak out and wouldn’t know who we were anyway, so no one went. We were too far away and in Lockdown, but I know that my SIL who lives close by really regrets it now, but she is in her 70s and was shielded. So sad all round.

SueDonim Sat 12-Dec-20 14:59:26

Nanawind I am so sorry. flowers

I think this is an unbelievably cruel thing to do to families and it makes me angry that no one has come up with a proper solution. We have just lost a friend to cancer. He was admitted to a home and isolated for the last three weeks of his life. His wife was allowed in to see him just two hours before he died. When he was admitted to the home, he wasn’t expected to die just yet but it seems that without one single familiar face around him in all that time, he lost the will to live. It’s a bitter ending to a life and one that will resonate down the years with his family until they too are no longer on this earth.

Grannynannywanny Sat 12-Dec-20 16:25:02

Nanawind that’s a desperately sad and cruel situation. I really thought that in an end of life situation that close family were allowed in to the bedside wearing PPE.

I know it wasn’t allowed in the early part of the pandemic but I was under the impression the guidelines had been amended to allow compassionate visits.

That’s terribly cruel and I’m so sorry to read it.

M0nica Sat 12-Dec-20 16:40:30

I would check the rules and raise a complaint, even threaten legal action (however unlikely to be successful) in order to at least be able to go to the window. If she already has COVID what does it matter if you choose to risk COVID to visit her? You can wear full PPE at your expense.

Grannynannywanny Sat 12-Dec-20 16:41:05

I’ve attached a screenshot from the government’s advice on care home visits. This is the link to the full article. Reading this I can’t see how anyone could be refused a visit to a dying loved one.

Grannynannywanny Sat 12-Dec-20 16:43:33

Don’t think this attached to previous post. Apologies if I’ve duplicated.

GrannyLaine Sat 12-Dec-20 16:44:47

Nanawind I'm so very sorry that you are in this situation. This is not universal across all care homes and you may consider challenging your MIL's care home. My son in law lost his Nan 3 weeks ago to exactly the same scenario except the family were informed that she was on end of life care on the Monday morning and invited them to visit. She died 6 days later but they had been with her for much of that week, and through the night that she passed away (PPE worn at all times)

Nanawind Sun 10-Jan-21 12:07:40

I don't know if anyone would like an update.
Mil got over covid. And on Friday had her vaccination.
We still are not allowed to even go to the window. But the home have someone phone with Mil(deaf) so that they can tell her what we say.

Oopsadaisy1 Sun 10-Jan-21 12:12:03

Such good news!

Jaxjacky Sun 10-Jan-21 13:02:34

Cheering news.

SueDonim Sun 10-Jan-21 13:08:35

Gosh, that’s amazing, Nanawind, I hope your mil continues to make a good recovery!

Grannynannywanny Sun 10-Jan-21 13:09:48

Lovely to read your update Nanawind that your MIL recovered after being so very ill with covid.

It’s tough that you aren’t allowed to visit her but I hope you can take comfort from the fact she must be receiving very good care to have come back from her life hanging in the balance.