anxiety by one member of the family

Yes. Thanks.

I’m truly so happy for you. I know it was very difficult for you to wait out her anxieties, but I am so glad that you did and your relationship was undamaged.

Her planning a surprise for you truly shows that this was nothing personal towards you.

We got call early on Friday to say classmate had same day PCR test and negative! Pheew, what a rollercoaster.

DIL was instrumental in organising a massive surprise at another relative's garden, and everyone worked so hard to totally and absolutely fool us and keep everything quite. We were just told we were going on a picnic ... Only 10 of us, but it was magnificent and just what we had dreamed off. Wonderful- and good on DIL for helping to make that happen. We had a lovely week with them actually, as she was reassured that all measures were taken and weather was good. We had PCR test before going to stay, just to put her at ease.

We picked the right time, as the lifting of all restrictions is making stress levels rise again, understandably- so we may not be able to meet for a while. Will offer to do PCR test every time before we meet.

Truly grateful and happy.

they will do PCR test with next day result on Sunday, for early release- so let's hope we will be able to hug and have a few days together. But honestly, when we found out this morning I burst into tears and I swore x a lot!

Oh gosh

I’m so sorry to hear that

Glad you’re finding a work around

It was all going well- at last- very small gathering, outside for 8 people, and us staying over for a few days, so 4 + us two, as per Government rules- after such a long long time.

One student in GS class has tested positive today = all sent home and GS in isolation for his 12th BD tomorrow. Poor kid.

And of course not allowed to go and hug, or stay!!!! I could scream- but it is what it is.

We have had long discussion and we will go and stay for a few nights in Hôtel, taking our own duvet and pillows (the 2 worst risks from Covid pov) - and will meet outside.

S*d's law, for sure. DIL is being very sympathetic and prepared to make it work. somehow.

Kali2, as it’s now July, I hope plans for your reunion are going well!

Kali 2 I fully understand how you feel about this difficult situation. Your daughter in law is clearly very very anxious indeed. She must be going through personal hell. She is trying her hardest to protect your grandchildren and may well have the situation out of all proportion but her fear is very real to her . You have behaved correctly by not putting pressure on her - hard as that is ! My son in law has terminal cancer so we have not seen him or our daughter and their children for a very very long time. His immune system is at an all time low.
It seems you now have a date to meet up, that is the best news ever. Enjoy your time together and I am sure you will be able to let your DIL know you respect her endeavours to keep her family safe. In time I hope her anxiety levels will diminish to a reasonable level. Good luck ? and have a lovely time together. You have done so well not broaching the subject with her. Thank goodness for GN where we can all off load!!

Hope all goes well for you.

I have now seen my new grandson twice - he is 5 weeks old.

We are taking it slowly but I am hoping visits will eventually become more frequent as my SiL's anxiety gradually dissipates.

Kali2

Well she has been in touch and a date has been made for July- after 17 months. I did not ask, never said a thing apart that we were so looking forward to seeing them all. Never put pressure- the only discussion about it has been on here.

Thanks for those who have been understanding and kind.

I hope this works out for you.

I hope she’s able to put her fears to rest

Well she has been in touch and a date has been made for July- after 17 months. I did not ask, never said a thing apart that we were so looking forward to seeing them all. Never put pressure- the only discussion about it has been on here.

Thanks for those who have been understanding and kind.

At some point we are all going to have to realise that Covid anxiety is an irrational fear. Maybe it wasn't always, but now that most of the country is vaccinated any real threat has dissipated.

Most of us do not react to the irrational fears of others by leading our lives in such a way as to stop them feeling any fear at all. If we are sensitive, we show them, through our behaviour, that there is actually nothing to fear.

It is going to be a hard task but it is one for the whole country to engage in - showing those most fearful that the threat has gone and we can all get on with our lives.

MayBee70

I think we’re all having different coronavirus journeys and must respect how different people are dealing with it. (Except for anti vacc’ers/anti maskers/anti lockdowners: I won’t respect them). And those of us that have had the vaccine are in a different place to younger people that haven’t and young mothers that have children to worry about.

Let's respect everyone! Oh except for the ones we don't respect of course.

MerylStreep

I don’t think this situation is going to bode well ( looking at the future) between you and your daughter in law.

Nor me.

But I hope I’m wrong.

I don’t think this situation is going to bode well ( looking at the future) between you and your daughter in law.

I agree with BlueberryPie. We've only heard one side of the story, but I don't think it's the DIL who needs counselling.

Many of you must live somewhere far away from where I live because here, especially a few weeks back when this thread started, a person who wanted to isolate their family as much as possible would not widely be thought of as having any type of mental condition; they'd just be damned smart.

I've actually had the opposite problem where one side of the family congregates freely and has throughout, though we've been in quite the Covid hot spot. They coerce their nearest and dearest to join and there's hell to pay if they refuse. The strange thing is, the couple doing this are older and both have more than one underlying condition. They were the ones most likely to become seriously ill or die from it. I was still furious though because could you imagine how any of their/our loved ones would feel if, looking back, they realized they were the ones who had inadvertently passed Covid on to them in the first place just because they visited this couple when they knew better?

I stayed in my corner of the world with my lips zipped because if I wanted to go visiting, it would be to slap them for their ignorant selfishness.

Ahem. However, NOW the vaccine here is widely available and NOW we're all vaccinated so imo NOW is the correct time to end the isolation and resume non-essential visits.

Also, how we decided to handle the pandemic was our call, within our household, and no one outside our household included. If my husband did not present a united front on whatever we had decided between us, regardless of how we reached that decision between us, to me, that would be a problem.

This sounds a very extreme form of mental health anxiety. I don’t know of anyone who has isolated themselves so severely for 15 months. Yet I assume the children attend school? It must be very demanding and stressful for your son too Kali2. Are things really no better?

I hope this poor woman is receiving support from a health professional. I imagine her anxiety is impacting on her children as well. It seems extreme.

MissChateline, MamaCaz Mon 17-May-21 19:03:13
I strongly suspect that your own predicted reaction is very far removed from that to be expected of a genuinely anxious person told to "to get a damn grip and stop being so ridiculous."

I have been following this discussion since it started and have been quite bothered about it. I have discussed the issue and concerns outlined with both my wife and with close friends. I have asked them what they would say to me if I started to express such overwhelming anxiety about the virus and meeting up with both family and friends.
Overwhelmingly they have all said that (to my great relief) that they would sit me down, look me in the eye and in no uncertain terms tell me to get a damn grip and stop being so ridiculous.
Hopefully this would catapult me back into so sort of reality and see just how out of touch with reality I had become.

As lockdown is eased and vaccination continues, there probably won't be a significant increase in infections despite all the scare stories about the Indian variant.

If the general situation improves over the next weeks (hopefully), Kali2, your DIL may find her anxiety reduces and she may finally feel comfortable to meet outside.

However, people with a tendency to anxiety will always find something to be anxious about - so if it's not Covid something else will worry her!

My sympathy is with the daughter-in-law; for whatever reason she is terrified of a meeting involving her family, so leave it be. You have contact with them, you know they are well; the rest is up to their parents.

Ladyleftfieldlover- thank you. There are other things which point to bizarre and often controlling behaviour. And no, we know that discussion if not a good idea.

Yes, hopefully we will meet outside, after 17 months!

of course we video call them often- but it is not the same.

eazybee, you cannot be further from the truth, and your post sounds truly unpleasant bordering on the nasty. Shame.

Of course it’s not unreasonable to be sad. You can’t help how you feel.

That said can’t you video call your GC? They’re teenagers so as much as they love you I very much doubt spending time with GP’s will be to the fore of their minds.

Keep in touch virtually. Instead of working yourself up like you did on the original post about when, when, when? Maybe try and make the best of the now?