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Unvaccinated - Do I stay or do I go?

(20 Posts)
Jillybird Tue 03-Aug-21 12:49:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Galaxy Tue 03-Aug-21 12:52:20

I think you are going to have to talk to the people involved, I dont see any way round it. I dont think you can just pretend that you are comfortable, it will be obvious in your behaviour that you arent.

Shinamae Tue 03-Aug-21 12:58:21

I think you’re going to have to be absolutely straight with all parties, it’s not as though you’re being unreasonable

Nannan2 Tue 03-Aug-21 13:01:05

You will have to come clean whatever you do,won't you? But I'm sure then he would understand. I don't understand why his DiL isn't having jab for that reason though, if she's not even pregnant yet? And besides haven't the scientists decided its safe for pregnant women anyway? Safer than catching Covid, at least.

rosie1959 Tue 03-Aug-21 13:10:04

You have to tell your partner the reason for your apprehension.
But the choice is ultimately up to you. You have been vaccinated and the chances of coming close to an unvaccinated person in every day life is real so it depends on your feelings on this

JaneJudge Tue 03-Aug-21 13:14:24

I think like other have said, you are going to have to tell your partner and have an adult discussion with all involved. Otherwise practical solutions might involve;
-all of you taking an LFT before they arrive and after they arrive
-them limiting going into crowded places whilst they are with you
-windows open as much as possible (it is going to cheer up weather wise mid week apparently, it's already quite nice here today)
-they do their own washing/cleaning etc
I'm sure people have further suggestions. My daughter is vulnerable and although we are double vaccinated and her staff, we still take precautions like mask wearing in her home (not if she visits us) LFT tests before visits and they take our temperature. I suppose life has to go on?

Pammie1 Tue 03-Aug-21 13:32:38

I am CEV and caught Covid in February before I had a chance to be vaccinated. It was the most ill I think I have ever felt. I contracted it again a few weeks ago and thankfully it was very mild. Even though we’re fully vaccinated I am still being very cautious, so my answer would be to take whatever action you need to, to protect yourself. Are you fully vaccinated yourself ? If so, you would likely have some protection from being seriously ill, but even then there’s no guarantee. I think I would advise coming clean with your partner and take things from there. I know life has to go on, and there are those who will say that you can’t know whether everyone you come into contact with is vaccinated, but if you’re vulnerable you CAN control something like this.

Pammie1 Tue 03-Aug-21 13:35:45

@Nannan2. I saw something on a news report the other day that said they’d decided that vaccines were safe for pregnant women and that some limited testing they’d managed to do, showed that in vaccinated women, the antibodies were passed on to the babies. Didn’t catch all of the report so don’t know if they meant the antibodies were passed on at birth, or through breast feeding.

BlueBelle Tue 03-Aug-21 13:54:16

I have to agree with everyone else you have to talk to your partner and explain the situation However anxious he gets he is an adult and needs to know, you can down play it but just explain you can t afford to catch CoviD ….if you just go away to your sons it will look awful like you don’t want to see them so you can’t do that without a full explanation
It has been reported as being safe for pregnant women to have the jab, far safer than catching it along the way
Once you have come clean you could go to your sons or make sure they are all fully tested before and during the only problem with that is the test can show negative when u
My very healthy very strong 20 year old grandson has just had the delta and been very very ill not hospitalised but very poorly as he hadn’t had the jab yet he was poorly and had a negative test two days before testing positive
I think you have to come clean then go away for the weekend for your peace of mind then your heart er can enjoy his well earned time with his family

silverlining48 Tue 03-Aug-21 16:33:29

COPD is potentially serious so you do need to discuss it with partner, his son and wife. If that were me I would want to put the visit off, but then I am and have been rather cautious.

M0nica Tue 03-Aug-21 16:42:11

How would your partner feel, and his misguided DiL, if she caught COVID, perhaps not symptomatic, and you caught it from her and were very very seriously ill or died?

I know there might be a slight feeling that it serves this misguided woman right, to have to live with the knowledge that her bad decision did such harm to someone, on the other hand risking yor life and/or health to protect hour partner does seem extreme.

Tell him and tell her and then make sure you act suitably martyred so that she realises just how selfish she is being.

silverlining48 Tue 03-Aug-21 16:50:09

Depending on distance can you not meet midway for a day out, keep outdoors and you can all meet safely. We haven't seen our daughter fir two years and have no idea when we will. It’s sad of course, but these are difficult times and as Monica says if you were to pick something up from her...

CleoPanda Tue 03-Aug-21 16:55:25

Please, please don’t risk your health! Talk about the issues. You have to.
This isn’t a bad cold, it’s a potentially life threatening illness.

AGAA4 Tue 03-Aug-21 17:04:58

It's also possible that your DiL could pass covid on to your partner even if you weren't there. That would mean, to be safe, he would need to stay away from you for a number of days.

I have asthma and I wouldn't be comfortable being in close contact to someone unvaccinated.

You need to be honest with them all about how you feel. Better to be safe than sorry.

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 03-Aug-21 18:09:42

Before we meet up with any family members we take a Lateral Flow test, it’s quick and easy. Can’t your DIL do one before she arrives?
We have seen people who haven’t had their jabs yet, but all have taken a LFT on the morning of their visit, including GCs, nobody has been offended by the request.
We’ve also had to do a LFT before we visit the physio or Osteo, they require a photo of the test on the morning of our visit, again, we weren’t upset by them asking.

onlyruth Tue 03-Aug-21 19:34:08

If you are fully vaccinated, I'd simply ask her to do a test before they set off.

You are going to have to tell your DP eventually though.

nannal Tue 03-Aug-21 19:51:15

If you are vaccinated your chances of getting covid are slim, vaccinated or unvaccinated people can still carry covid..

Tell her to test before she comes!

Txquiltz Tue 03-Aug-21 19:58:13

Be sure she has a negative Covid test immediately before arriving. Masks would be a must all the time for you and her. Talk to your doctor an then give your plan of action to your husband. Hopefully he will be comfortable with all the precautions. Best wishes.

Jillybird Tue 03-Aug-21 21:01:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winterwhite Tue 03-Aug-21 21:49:04

Your partner presumably realises that you have symptoms that make you very vulnerable to COVID. You could drop some heavy hints first and also say you would want to take every precaution if they come for the sake of the dil. And she herself has prob been keeping away from crowded places and so on. Unless you or they live in areas where infection rates are high the risks are no more than, say, welcoming home a 17-yr-old would be. I can see why you’ve kept the COPD from your partner. Horrid to have to throw cold water on his pleasure.