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(19 Posts)
GagaJo Wed 03-Nov-21 13:22:48

Am I being unreasonable?

My ex has come to stay with my DD & my DGC. They live with me. As we don't have a spare bedroom (spares all taken up with DD & DGS living there), I have let ex have MY bedroom and I have decamped to my blokes house.

I made it clear to my bloke BEFORE that although I accept it is a covid risk, my being around him, that I would make myself scarce from anyone else in the house. I KNEW he might have a problem with it, so I checked before hand and as a condition of my staying. Not everyone in his house is covid careful.

He said it was fine. Yes, great! Come and stay.

All was well until day 3 when his son came home from an evening out and came and sat with us. Son has been out, hob nobbing with a huge group of friends, in a pub, no masks. Son IS vaccinated but who knows if friends were? I excused myself and left the room.

Later, my bloke was VERY critical of me. It was rude etc etc. I reminded him of the condition of my staying.

I KNOW I'm still taking some risks just being here, but I am trying to reduce them as much as possible.

Am I unreasonable? I wish I'd never asked if I could stay now.

MamaCaz Wed 03-Nov-21 13:35:38

You don't sound unreasonable to me.
What you did was exactly you had warned him in advance that you would do in such circumstances. He okayed it, so he's the unreasonable one to now be critical of it.

GagaJo Wed 03-Nov-21 13:38:26

Thanks MamaCaz. I KNOW I'm a grumpy old bag, but I thought I'd made it clear.

ElaineI Wed 03-Nov-21 13:42:37

You are not unreasonable at all. You put down the rules and he accepted them. I find young people are less likely to abide by simple Covid instructions so please keep being careful. You are also being very reasonable letting your ex have your bedroom GagaJo.

rosie1959 Wed 03-Nov-21 13:43:06

Not unreasonable as you told him beforehand
Perhaps a little unusual as you already live with others your DD and DGS unless they also stay in doors and mix with nobody else

MamaCaz Wed 03-Nov-21 13:50:24

Maybe he's like my OH, who often doesn't really listen, and blindly nods along in supposed agreement to things that are not important to him at that particular moment, then remembers nothing about our 'conversation' afterwards!

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Nov-21 14:11:47

Not unreasonable, you laid down your conditions and they don’t include sitting with someone who could very well catch covid from his mates and pass it on to you. Stick to your very sensible guns!

greenlady102 Wed 03-Nov-21 14:15:00

what I am surprised about is why you moved out for your ex!

Esspee Wed 03-Nov-21 14:20:32

You are being completely reasonable. I don’t think much of your bloke. Dump him.

Riverwalk Wed 03-Nov-21 15:07:25

Yes, Gaga yer being a bit unreasonable!

I reminded him of the condition of my staying. He's the one who's doing the favour to you, as a result of your doing a favour for your Ex, so it's a bit cheeky to lay down conditions.

You should have sent your ex to stay with your bloke!

NotTooOld Wed 03-Nov-21 15:14:51

I think your ex should have stayed somewhere else. Blooming cheek taking your bedroom even if you did offer.

GagaJo Wed 03-Nov-21 15:17:45

I let the ex stay for my DGS really. He adores his grandad (who is a bit of a flake) and hasn't seen him for over a year thanks to covid.

I ought to really Esspee, but he is quite elderly now and we've been 'together' a long time. I'd like to just be friends, but he likes being able to say he's got a 'young' (!!) girlfriend.

Nonogran Wed 03-Nov-21 15:28:10

Oh, so you stay with yr chap because he’s better than nothing then? Or “he’s elderly.” If you just wanna be good time’s friends, when you’re out together he can still call you his girlfriend!
Next time ask your ex to stay nearby at a B&B!
I’d never give up my cosy bed for anyone let alone decamp & risk Covid.
Having said that I admire your kind nature & not everything is black & white when it comes to relationships.

GagaJo Wed 03-Nov-21 15:32:00

I would stay at 'my chap's' more if the house wasn't full of covid risk-takers. As it is, I usually see him out somewhere, to be on the safe side.

If my ex were asked to stay in a B&B he wouldn't come and the ONLY person who would be upset about it would be my DGS who I adore.

BlueBelle Wed 03-Nov-21 15:34:35

Why on earth move out your own home to accommodate an ex husband he should have stayed in a Band B or daughter and grandson could have taken him away for a few days

I think it’s unreasonable of you to go and stay with someone else then make the rules. If you are concerned about being round others because of CoviD then you should stay in your own home you really can’t expect your ‘bloke’ to tell his children not to come in the room if you are there.

I can’t imagine letting any of my exes back in my bed whether I m in it or not ?

GagaJo Wed 03-Nov-21 15:45:57

I wasn't keen BlueBell. He's got the old sheets and duvet and an extra mattress protector on.

DD is stony broke, hence living with me. Ex isn't but wouldn't come unless he had a free place to stay. DGS IS having a lovely time which was the reason I allowed it in the first place.

I didn't ask my bloke's son not to come in. I just didn't expect to get nagged when I left the room myself.

I certainly won't put myself in THIS position again.

MamaCaz Wed 03-Nov-21 15:51:36

To be fair, BlueBelle, I don't think that GagaJo made any 'rules' - she didn't suggest that anyone else in her fella's home should behave any differently if she was there.

AGAA4 Wed 03-Nov-21 16:07:05

Covid cases are high now so the son who is mixing with a lot of others could be a danger.
I wouldn't stay in the room with him either. Only thing is if your bloke spends time with him he could get covid and pass it to you

GagaJo Wed 03-Nov-21 18:05:08

Yes AGAA4, and particularly after I've read the news about cases increasing in the older age range again. I think he'll be demoted back to outside meet ups only.