🦞 Locked down no longer but still firm friends 🦞

I know the hospice will feel "safe" and that will be comforting - just having people who are experienced and caring around will reduce everyone's stress levels

I know this is not what we all hoped for though... thinking of you.
🙏

Might be going to hospice instead. Sorry I can’t write more my head is all over the place xx

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Well done light chasers Mamissimo!
DD lives in the Highlands but has never seen them. She says it's too misty. Here's her glen.

Good luck with the DS house sale .Nfk. Stressful times for them.

I hope and pray 🙏 the Doodles are on the move home

Did you see them? Been up half the night watching the magic....and chatting with all the AC who were also charging to the coast and up hills. DD2 saw them first over the Thames Estuary, DD1 from 2 miles in away in Hampshire rang me to get me out in the fields and DS drove 10 miles from his light polluted city to the top of our hill. A tired but happy family of light chasers. 🙂

I am so pleased that you are getting lots of advice and tips from those Gransnetters who have experienced what you are going through.

Please do make sure that Mr.D's pain is properly controlled before he comes home. Intractable pain will take its toll on you as well. Will you be able to arrange for some pain-killing meds to be given as and when so that you are not waiting on someone to contact you or call?

So sorry I've not been around to offer support Doodle, but I have been thinking of you both. Here in Norfolk we have Hospice at Home and it is wonderful. Just how the NHS should run. DH didn't have a long time in hospital so he didn't have the fight to be discharged, but Hospice at Home stepped in as he needed it. Having cancer opens doors which other illness' don't, as I fear it's a road oft travelled so Oncology knows what to do and when. They just liaised with Social Services and made it happen. For DH it was end of life care but I know the Palliative Care side can be there for as long as needed and when it is needed as with any hospice.

I hope so you don't have too much of a fight. I would suggest pleading on your knees, except that, if you're like me, having to then ask for help to get up rather spoils the effect. Sending positive vibes and prayers.

(DS is putting their house on the market and yesterday was the Day of the Photographer. They've worked so hard getting the place straight and I've been over there helping to clean on the basis that any help is some help, and keeping the hairy hounds out of the way while the house was being arranged to photographic advantage. The photos came today and look fantastic. Goodness knows where they hid all their Stuff. I don't think they dare open a cupboard or shed, they must be crammed full!)

I've just seen your post too Doodle. I really hope you can get Mr D home, you are both really struggling with him being in hospital. Grammaretto knows, home comfort is best. Sending you my love and warmest cwtches X.

I so hope you can Doodle. It truly is the best thing.
It seems strange having medical people coming into your house several times a day but you get used to it and there are still many hours with just you two together again.
Fingers crossed 🤞 it works out.

Thank you Jan we are trying hard to get DH home with palliative care. He is so uncomfortable and in pain I just want to be with him 24/7 .

Doodle. Just seen your post on Gransnet. All I can say is I hope your worst fears don’t come true and that DH can come home very soon. Accept all the help you are offered. Sending love to you both x

I hope you are managing to eat a little Doodle - you need eat and drink even if you don't really fancy it.
When you're emotionally exhausted it's easy to ignore your own body.

Hoping little by little that things will improve.

Thanks both. Don’t feel brave just panicked to be honest. Feel overwhelmed by all that’s going on.

'Sometimes', said the horse.

'Sometimes what?' asked the boy.

'Sometimes just getting up and carrying on is brave and magnificent'.

For Doodle. ♥️

It must feel overwhelming Doodle.
There's no training for the job you are doing. But you are the only one who can do it.
wishing you strength
Bless you 🙏

Not sure what to write. I’m struggling to see a way forward at the moment. Once awake I can’t sleep again. Just thinking about DH and how uncomfortable he is. Take care all x

I'm glad you kept your coat and tights on ixion, and DH his suit and waistcoat. You don't look overdressed at all.

I have spent yet another day doing very little apart from coughing. I sat outside and coughed there. I did some weeding and transplanting. Slugs or snails have begun to demolish the beans I planted yesterday.

I'm so sorry to read your latest post Doodle.
Sending you love ❤️
Thinking of you xx

I do hope your meeting met with positivity from the Docs, Doodle. You have had nothing but an uphill struggle every time Mr.D goes in and comes home.

A game plan, as Mamissimo so wisely says, and one agreed by all parties, needs to be in place to enable your poor man to find the comfort of home he craves.

Hoping Grammaretto is feeling a tad better today.

Spud mobile? Cor.
Is it four legs in the morning or two feet in midday?

We have been to the seaside today. All these youngsters in their skimpy outfits running round our deck chairs and ruinung our sunbathing. (See pic).

*Mamissimo I have approached the Doctor today with this very subject in mind. He is very very ill and I’m not sure he can cope with any more. I’m so sad 😢
Take care all x

What engulfing worries Doodle 🌷

Hospital at Home is worth raising with The Dude's medical team Doodle, but if a full service isn't available in your area coming home would be a huge challenge for your family until he has begun to pick up strength. If you go too soon it can make things worse and a return to hospital would follow.

I wonder if it's time to ask his team for a meeting with your DSs and yourself to explore both his mental and physical needs and their proposals for meeting them? I think you need some clarity from them and the beginnings of a plan that your family are all able to support.

Grammaretto that's a bummer! The arrival of the sun seems to spur us into action so you must feel jolly frustrated -and not in the mood for chicken soup-- .

Spud has his first tooth .....and first gear! He'd been stuck in reverse for a few days but is now making forwards with aplomb and a very strange style 🙄

Is there a chance he can come home Doodle?
Around here there is what's called Hospital at home which is what we had for DH though he only needed it for a few weeks. It was a Godsend especially during covid when no hospital visits were allowed.

The GP was the key person but District nurses, physio, OT and even the occasional student came to care for him and we had unlimited visits from the family.

I so hope something similar can happen with Mr D.

I'm still not fully better from this flu thing that's laid me low. I come out in a cold sweat at the merest exertion.

A shame because the weather is lovely at last and there's much to be done.

. A little better today in some ways. Doesn’t know where he is other than he wants out now. Cough seems a little better just praying nothing else goes wrong now. He has lost so much weight he is just skin and bone really but has no interest in eating. Such a worry. Will try and catch up more tomorrow.
Love to all.

Weak? Our Warrior Queen? Not a bit of it. You may be exhausted in mind and body but that's no wonder because you have fought for so long.

If this were me (which of course it isn't) I'd be having a conference with doctors to find the soonest date when he can be safely discharege with daily home care.

Home is a therapy in itself and surely even the UK hasn't yet sunk so low that there is not daily, home-based care?

That way, you will both have some firm thing to look forwards to and I am guessing the hospital will go all out to make this possible for you both.

All of us can look back on what you have done:
* how you've battled, often against the evils of understaffing, underfunding and fatigue affecting the kindest of desperately overworked staff.
*tolerated endless discomfort without even a comfortable chair to help your vigil.
*driven hundreds of miles to be with your darling.
*dealt with your own serios health problems.
* and still found time to post here knowing that each of us who love and care about you two, we waiting to hear.

Weak? No my girl, you are still our strong, indomitable, wonderful friend and if now, after this long, long dreadful haul, you are wishing to be home, safe and looking after dear MrD yourself, no one blames you for an instant. It's only your low mood which is leading you to blame yourself.

You musn't; it's an illusion as you will see when you are able to look back.

Rally your sons, get straight answers from the hospital, request demand a date for release and work towards that.

Much love to you both
xxxx

Oh, Doodle, you are no more weak in character than any of the rest of us. Your Best Beloved is suffering and down, so of course you are as well. Why should it be otherwise? He and you are as one. You can only be with him to support as best you can, and you're doing that fantastically well.

As ixion suggests, speaking to the Hospital Chaplain may be a help to you both. At the very least a listening ear. It's impossible to let your feelings go in front of your sons or friends, they're too emotionally close. But I know a sympathetic neutral ear can be a great relief and support. XX

Doodle, I guess you have been unable to get to your regular church services for a while now.

Have you met the Hospital Chaplain in his travels? Would he/she be one you feel you could tun to for support and a listening ear?