Download Festival.

ruby; the S.O.'S son [who used to go to download and still knows people who do] says that some people are asking for their money back in view of the terrible conditions and the lack of facilities. He said a lot of people left. There were pictures of tents with water just running through them. I know no one can do anything about the weather conditions so it's interesting that people are complaining about other issues.

Ruby have you got everything washed up after Download. I can remember all the mud when our lads went to music festivals!!

I remember taking food parcels and also shopping in Sainsbury's Huddersfield, they both seemed to have money for beer and alcohol. I never went to university so student living and priorities were an eye opener, it was also the first time I had a pint.

That's going to be a fair drive. Which college?

Cambridge.

Yes,to be fair, we didn't exactly "rough it" at St Andrews, but I was thinking of my DDs DD1 started in Owens Park in Manchester, which I believe has since been demolished-say no more!! I can remember driving up with "food parcels," (or taking them to Morrisons for a BIG shop) with all three either when they were in halls in their first year or in the following years when they were sticking to a strict budget - some of those student houses left a lot to be desired but they loved the independence and making it "home". It is all character- building
I am sure I have asked, but may have missed your answer. Where is your son going to?

Tegan I have tried to PM you but it won't go through. He is back home, all dry and feeling like himself again. Thank you so much for your kind offer, I really appreciate your support. X

Alea Maybe in your day, if you managed to get to University, but they don't "rough it" in Universities anymore my dear, full en suite, private kitchens and double beds where my son is going, thank you. Plus he doesn't even like baked beans! What sort of a family do you think he has come from? Baked beans huh???

But it's like Glasto isn't it? The wetter you get the greater your streetcred.
I have seen tents and clothing so muddy they (the tents anyway) had to be hosed down in the garden and just left outside for long as it took. That's what being young is all about
I just hope rubylady's son doesn't have the same attitude to student life, he needs to be prepared for cold baked beans out of the tin and to rough it a bit!

The rain is now torrential again; it's hardly stopped all weekend. I feel so sorry for all the people there having such a miserable time after spending so much to go there.

...not many tents would withstand the rain we had yesterday...I didn't like to say how bad it was...

Have been out since 8.30 ruby, and just got in. What's happening..are you one the road? Won't he miss Ozzie?

TOO WELL!

Maybe camping is not just for some people, like me. Maybe it shows how well he is looked after at home.

Oh dear rubylady!
Coming home soaked through, dirty, hungry and broke is on of those rites of passage. I am sorry he felt let down (but surely he tried out his sleeping bag and tent BEFORE he went?)
It's a pity you hadn't gone away for the weekend/turned your phone off/had your new car in for servicing

Where is he going to university in the Autumn, I do hope this isn't a foretaste of his first weeks! Sometimes it is best not to know.

He wants me to pick him up Tegan, he's had enough he says. His tent is soaked through inside, so is he, he's hardly ate, he's shattered through not sleeping, he hasn't made many friends but has no money for drink and doesn't really drink anyway, he's just not enjoying it. So I told him to try and sleep tonight as it's too late now to go for him, and I will go when I've had a decent sleep too. Just as I was planning to do some seriously enjoyable things, take away, dvd's I've been meaning to watch for ages, sleeping, nice long bath with no one sat outside telling me about stuff. He hasn't took his bank card so I can't transfer money into his account for him to get the train back even. I haven't drove that far/long since driving again so not looking forward to it to be honest, but there you go. Good job I bought the old A - Z for directions! We'll be round at yours for a cup of tea about 2pm ish, ok?

It isn't far to walk to the nearest Co-op; he could get a loaf of bread and sandwich fillings, plus cheap water from there.

Sorry Tegan, wrong Gran.

He is struggling though. The stove and gas cannisters he took are prohibited items so he can't use that to cook the food he has taken. He has two tins of food which he can have cold. He says his tent is too small and so is his sleeping bag. Tegan It might be a good idea to put my son and yours together, see if yours has a way of cooking that my son can cook his noodles on maybe. He is there until Monday so four days yet to starve. He's spent most of his money as food is so expensive and I wasn't counting on giving him any more as I haven't very much at all this week to give him. I'm only eating up what I have in, I've not managed to get for a shop this week.

Thank you Mildred I needed that, some understanding and I know you are right, although he has text me a few times. I spoke today to his mate's dad today, where he stopped last week. He had only given him edited highlights of why I had asked him to go and stay at a friends house. So I filled him in a bit and he very kindly said that if the problem arises again, all I have to do is text him and he will take him off my hands for a couple of days to give us both a break. I hardly know this guy, met him once a couple of years ago but our kids have been friends in that time. How is it I can depend on a virtual stranger to help when family members have never mentioned taking him for one night to give me a break? I am so grateful to him, bless him. Just to know it is an option will make it easier for me now. And this guy has his wife and six children to look after! None of my family have had any dependants full time over the times I have asked them to help, apart from my ED having her children recently. Now I consider myself to have people I am related to but no family. My family will be people made up of the ones there for me to help me out, like the people on here who have time after time after time understood and comforted me. All I've wanted was for someone to say "I'll help you out", even if I don't eventually need the help, just to be told it makes me feel less stressed. It could end up saving our relationship really.

I think you will both benefit from being apart for a while. Your son is very young and I think boys mature more slowly than girls, enjoy the break, but try to put up with him until September when he goes to university he will have support some support there, I worry that you say he has had depression and he will love you even though he doesn't show it no teenager appreciates their Mum taking them for granted is normal.

I'm so sorry. I am fed up of the up and down of the situation and I am sure that you lot are and I'm sure that you will all wave your flags when he goes to university just so that I shut up about it all! My period is due again, pains starting and I know that it affects my moods terribly. Plus I have terrible tooth pain at the moment.

Anyway, I still took him this morning, I ended up crying driving away, it was like taking him for his first day at school. All these lovely people with tattoos, multi coloured hair, rock t shirts on, it looked fantastic and that was just the pick up point! He said he felt overdressed in just a normal t shirt. He did look like a newb with his new bag etc., poor lad.

Tegan I have given him your details so just watch out for a bedraggled young man, tall, long curly dark hair (unwashed, obviously), smelly, stick thin, dragging his knuckles along the floor as he crawls to your door for some TLC after days of noodles, water and no sweatshirt or coat! "It's roasting, I won't need my coat" ok, whatever. He'll learn. But thank you again for being so kind.

Right, time to open that bottle, I think . . .

I have just been on our Council website and it looks like we should have been getting some help with things for some time but haven't and I think it has got to the both of us. I will ring when I get up later and find out what is available and rattle some cages to try to get the help I need. My son has been doing all my care now for the last 10 years, all on his own so it is no wonder he wants a break. I am hard work, I know that, I wouldn't like to deal with me sometimes. I do hope he enjoys this weekend as I do love him, I just don't want my illnesses to ruin our relationship, which they will do if I don't get some help and soon.

I had arranged to drop him off in the morning but he has sniped and sniped all day since he came back from college and so he will have to get a taxi now. I am really upset that I am sending him off like this, I really wanted him to go happy and secure.

I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner about him not being here, I wanted to sort my own head out. It could be other things affecting me too, grief, menopause, friend dying, no wonder I want to lighten the mood from time to time.

I have never wanted a fast forward button, but I would like to skip to September and then this doesn't have to happen. God, our kids can make us feel guilty, but what choice do I have?

Thank you all once again for your wonderful messages. He is off in less than 12 hours. Then I get in touch with the housing and get the locks changed. I will phone Shelter and our council to see where he stands in getting accommodation for the forseable.

Since I went into hospital the other week, and subsequently four days later, to the doctors for the iron tablets, he had done nothing for me, not even one cup of tea. The house is a mess. The garden wants cutting. A week last Friday I told him to find a mate's to stop at for a while as I couldn't deal with him. He has stayed there for 12 days. He has been back, I said, to help me out and to finish his college work for his A levels. He has been back, no help apart from a couple of brews, refreshing my water jug and the rest of the time he has been in his room doing whatever, I hope, his work. So no tidying up, no washing up, no washing, no garden done, no hoovering, no dog walking.

Again, like a fool, I have fallen into his trap. I really didn't want him to miss the festival as I don't like to go back on promises and it was promised as a present. But he was supposed to be helping to some degree in return of some of the stuff I have bought him. Why is it that I think that if I am good to him and try to be obliging, he will be the same back? Why doesnt't that work? I have even ordered take away a couple of times recently because he won't cook me a meal.

Where did the lovely boy go to? The one who thought I was the bees knees? Not that that is what I want now, but I do want respect and not to be told I am psychologically abusing him, like he has told me tonight. It's impossible and is making for a very unhappy home. The dog keeps running and hiding when he is around but when we have been on our own we have had fun and cuddles and songs and love. All I wanted was some help, is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

So, once he is gone tomorrow, I will be making phone calls and getting my life in order. He is a grown up now and responsible for his own decisions and I have given him time this last 12 days to make a difference to our circumstances but he has chosen not to. I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with him here.

Maybe if I didn't have these illnesses I would be ok until September when uni starts, but I keep getting pains in my head and my chest and I can't afford to have that happen, not with my health history and that of my parents. My mum had a brain haemorrhage at 59 and heart attack, my dad had a heart attack and stroke so I need to look after myself and if my son does not want to do this with me, then I have to go it alone. But at least I will have peace of mind.

Regardless of the fact that he has not seen his father for 11 years, he has the same characteristics as him now. Not that I tell him this, as that would not be good to say that to him, it would only make him more angry. But he has. He used to laugh all the time, make jokes but now he is so serious, everything is a big deal. I have to talk politics and not frivilous stuff, that he sees as me being immature and pathetic.

Yesterday me and the dog were sat on the swing in the garden when he came out with his football, a hard one, not the thin plastic kiddies have. I told him to be careful with it as he was messing about and then he belted it right at the side of me, catching my leg. If it had caught the dog, she would have been knocked out, she is so small. Maybe it's attention or a reaction he is after but he has a very strange way of going about it at 19 years old.

I wanted to relax for a few days while he was away, chill out, watch some dvd's etc. But now I will have to be sorting out him not being here when he gets back. I might just change the locks and leave everything else up to him. I am not going to find him somewhere, I just wanted to know that he would not be on the street. But then, when I went for mediation when the marriage broke up, the solicitor then told me off for caring too much what was happening with my ex husband. She said that was for him to sort out now and to just look after myself. Well, now it is time to do the same.

Ruby Download is MY festival - love it and been going for years but not been able to make it last year and this. I'm assuming he's camping so will have the gear already for this? My top tips would be wellies, definitely wet weather cover up although you can buy ponchos if it rains and something warm for the evenings as it can get cold. However at 19 he's way younger than me and in my experience the kids take no notice whatsoever about the weather and are happy enough to just have jeans and t-shirts, a hat and suncream . He does need his phone and a charger (possibly a power bank if he has one but there are phone charging stations there) as well as keeping a contact number on him should he need it. A toilet roll is handy and wet wipes. Food is very expensive though and bottled water usually £2 each so if he can carry it a pack from the supermarket before he sets off is good and maybe some food he doesn't need to cook. He can expect nothing more than great music, meeting fellow festival goers and probably no sleep or showers for the entire weekend Very jealous! My own son is going so if all else fails get him to contact you and I'll let my son know and we'll put them together - at 44 he's very sensible lol