Going it alone.

This is all so tough for widows and widowers too. I've joined lots of groups and started to make some new friends (mostly widows.) It's the day to day maintenance of property that I find difficult and I try not to contact my sons because I want to be independent.

Going to the cinema/theatre on my own is something I find daunting. I really wanted to see Timothy West as King Lear but couldn't pluck up the courage to go on my own.

I think we are all very different. I have no trouble eating out alone.

I have to take taxis for babysitting and when the taxi person says "how many people are travelling" I always get a pang of loneliness when I say "one."

I'm taking it a step at a time at the moment - good days, bad days.

I am always inspired by the courage of widows.

I've found this a fascinating thread as I have been going to the theatre on my own for years as my late husband preferred golf; the 2 nearest to me (Oxford and Guildford)do very cheap matinee tickets ford over-60s and they are always full and people always want to talk, even (perhaps especially!) married couples. But the daytime cinema audience is sparse and I find it uncomfortable sitting in splendid isolation, so tend not to go unless I have someone to go with.
On the wider subject of going it alone: I've had a couple of holidays on my own since I've been widowed,which were ok. I wanted a quietish New Year and booked a coach trip the first year, where there was time for quiet reflection but we all sat together at mealtimes, which was perfect. Last New Year, despite going with the same company, different destination, I found myself sitting on my own in an enormous hotel and would have come home had I not been 'rescued' by a friendly couple I'd met on the coach. I'm generally a confident woman, but standing in that vast dining room being told 'Sit wherever you like' made me want to cry. Any advice, ladies?

I appreciate all your comments. I just want a friend now though. It's loss. Losing my dad, a good friend is in hospital dying of cancer and my son has 12 weeks left at home. I just want someone to come into my life instead of leaving it.

I have gone on holiday on my own for the last 4 years, well, with my beloved doggie and that has been fine apart from the health side. I have been out on my own today but felt quite alone for the first time really. I did talk to people and do, but it's not the same some times as being with someone and sharing experiences.

I'm watching Glastonbury, with Jeff Lynne on. I had Mr. Blue Sky played at my dad's funeral so this is making me miss him more but I can't switch it off, it wouldn't be right.

I am putting feelers out, with the church and through Macmillan nurses, but it is definately harder to make friends getting older than when I was younger. Maybe I come across as a wierdo, a bit like Victoria Wood character who is looking for her friend, lol.

The film is out on Friday. I have booked for the cleaner to come that day and then to go and have a massage (my very first one). So I will go one day next week when the crowds have lessened.

Maybe it would be a good thing though to see if local areas can post for people who do not want to go to plays, cinema, hospital even on their own. Would that be ok GNHQ?

Xxx

It's fine to go alone - I realise you'd prefer to share the experience, but I find going alone is pretty soothing! Nothing to do but concentrate and enjoy the performance/movie. Have you thought of finding some groups near you, though, to make friends at? Craft groups are good: so are things like cookery night classes. Best of luck, and I wish you lots of enjoyment of your nights out.

I go on my own DH likes guns and murders I do not.

Rubylady - you'll be fine. I'm happy to go to the theatre, usually a matinee, on my own and often end up discussing the play with someone. Cinema - at Silver Screen just saying, 'Do you come here often?' (!!) can start a chat with people even if they're in couples. Some are there every week, others just choose films that especially interest them, they'll all happily tell you their opinions of films.
Meals, I've found Wetherspoon's good. Cheap and cheerful with friendly helpful staff. Other places are fine too, it's only the first time that can be a little daunting. I ended up one lunchtime having a brilliant nostalgic conversation with two local older residents, strangers to each other, outside a small cafe in a London street market.
Sometimes I find it difficult to leave the house, you just have to give yourself a good talking to. I no longer go for walks but really must do something about that.

I often go the cinema on my own usually in the daytime when sometimes it is nearly empty which is good when you are on your own. In Maidenhead with some films you can see them as a Silver screening and it only costs £3 Although I enjoy going with my friends I also enjoy going on my own sometimes. I go to Windsor theatre quite a bit often with friends but if I want to see something they are not interested in
I go on my own with no problems

I also have travelled on my own for the last few years to some beautiful places and that is not a problem at all because I always make friends with other people in the group and most people are friendly

I'm a keen theatre goer and my husband doesn't enjoy it, so I go on my own all the time. However, the Theatre Royal in Norwich realised that a lot of people are solo theatre goers and have been running a get together group for several years. We meet up beforehand and in the interval and they also organise lunches and other events. It's hugely popular, raises extra revenue for the theatre and gives solo theatre goers an opportunity to meet others with a similar interest, so is a bonus for all concerned. It's well worth suggesting to your local theatre that they might run something similsr. The hosts for the scheme in Norwich are all volunteers and do a wonderful job.

I learned several years ago that If I did not go to places on my own, then I was the only one missing out. The hardest thing was restaurants. It took a lot of courage to walk into a restaurant and ask for a table for 1. I was jolly lucky as when I took the plunge, I chose a local Indian restaurant who could not have been more welcoming. The waiters did not bat an eyelid, and I was not placed in a corner as a solo diner. They introduced themselves by their first names, and asked mine. I had a wonderful meal and a wonderful time. From then on, whenever I visited this restaurant, I was greeted by my christian name and shown to a table for 1 without fuss. I have never looked back. I am happy to go solo wherever life takes me.
Bite the bullet rubylady and have fun. life is far too short to say 'If only'.
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I say go for it. Enjoy it.

When I do things by myself I sometimes enjoy more than when I go with others because I can enjoy in my own way.

I think I just feel that I SHOULD be with people. Be liberated let YOU do what you want to do I say.

Hope that makes sense.

I would say go for it. My late mum went to Russia and travelled by train to the Himalayas by herself. She had been widowed at 50 and had some really nice holidays with her friend and when her friend sadly passed away she still wanted to be out and about. Cinema and theatre were out though as she did not drive and lived in a country village with no transport in the evenings. The nearest cinema was more than 20 miles away so holidays were what made her happy.

please make the effort to go,my husband's in a care home,so we're limited in where we can go together now.I sometimes go to the cinema,it doesn't matter that you're by yourself there.I've also been to the theatre,while on a short break or nearer home.I went yesterday,I had wine in the interval and got talking about the show to a couple of people.I've decided that I have to live my life,I have people I can go out other places with,but I don't mind being in a theatre by myself,it gets easier after the first time.

Yes, go for it, what's the worst that can happen?! I've never been to a Hyde Park concert but am going there on my own next Sunday to see Carole King performing the whole of 'Tapestry'. Wild horses won't keep me away! My lovely DH isn't interested, so is going with me to London, but prefers to visit a museum. I'm looking forward to the atmosphere, the music, and perhaps meeting any other GNs who are going!

I agree with most of the others. Just go! Enjoy yourself. You may get chatting to the people sitting next to you and - who knows! - new friends. Have fun!

I went to a concert on my own last week. Normally I'd take my daughter but she's unemployed so I have to pay for her and as this was to see Barry Manilow and the tickets were £77 each (that wasn't even the top price!), she had to stay at home. I soon got chatting to the two women next to me though and Barry was FABULOUS.

If you are worried about looking like a billy no-mates, take along a newspaper or book to the theatre, and sit and have a read in the interval. Theatre and literature are two cultural activities in one go! I am happy to go along to anything by myself, and just people watch.

My husband died two years ago, before that he was ill for 4 years during that time my sister and my two best friends died. although l know many people the few friends l have are married. l ,ve been on cruises and holidays on my own met people and had a good time but l hate going to the theatre alone, l always feel so lonely. l also hate eating out on my own, and so l never do it. its so hard to find a friend when your older. l,m going on holiday on my own in July and September. Maybe one day l will find a friend.

I see a lot of theatre on my own, Have been for years, if the option is miss out or go solo, it's solo every time. Might feel odd the first few times but persevere, it will be fine. Ive only just recently had some solo holidays, escorted coach things with Ledger and Shearings which prompted me to go to Florence on my own a year ago which was fabulous. I'd dispute that women alone in bars can be regarded as "loose", but maybe that's because I'm in London.

I've joined a few groups on Meetup, lots of cinema groups in London and good theatre groups.

I used to be really scared of going out on my own, but after several years after divorce I started going to things. Far from being a lonely experience, it has found me new friends as I see the same people at things I attend regularly. As are silt of braving it the first time, I now find I rarely have to anymore as I know lots more people. You won't meet new peop,e if you stay in !

I would sometimes go to the cinema on my own when I was a student.It was generally in the afternoon but I thought nothing of it. I would do so now if there was something I really wanted to see andDH didn't.

I used to go to gigs by myself when I was young, as I tended to like people whom no-one else liked! Hadn't done it for years and years until I wanted to see the live screening of "Madam Butterfly", a couple of years ago, and no-one else in the family wanted to go. Went by myself and it was fine.

I also went in a pub by myself for the first time ever, a few weeks ago. (To be honest, I'd had a row with my husband and didn't feel like staying at home!) I took a book, drank a pint and felt very comfortable.

Have never been to a cinema alone or a theatre, but prefer to go alone to galleries and museums, to take my time and look at the things that interest me.I would go anywhere alone if I had to.You could go during the daytime ruby if you would rather that than go in the evening.

Yes go on your own - or join U3A - maybe we should create a group so people could find other gransnetters who want someone to go on trips with.

I go to the cinema about twice a week ..on my own. No one really notices to be honest, just enjoy.
My policy is that if I don't go alone I don't go....and that is 'not fair'. !!!

Go on your own and be happy. The chances are you may well meet another person on their own and make friends.