Husband is exercise mad!

I think these men are all egotists. My husband exercises obsessively. I've told him that when he has a heart attack or stroke owing to carrying on like this at the age of 81, as his best friend did, and who is now unable to care for himself, I shall not be prepared to take on the rôle of carer. Cruel but he won't be told ( in fact you can't tell him anything, even though he is frequently proved wrong).

Yes I can relate to your problem. My husband is a runner, mostly fell running so we have races and training. He does pilates twice a week and cycles. We both use to hike up and down mountains all over the world but my medical problems have stopped that I have taken up cycling in a big way. We both now go out at least twice a week and any trips away involve cycling. As cycling is weight bearing it is so much easier on the joints. Of course you can always have an electric bike but I prefer a good old fashion bike with plenty of gears. So cycling is one option. Maybe you could suggest swapping one session at the gym a week for a pilates session and if you tell the instructor about your medical problems they will find a way around it. Why not find some other hobbies you fancy doing and join a class or group. Because I now cycle we use this as our day out and have plenty of stops and lunch, in fact its become quite sociable.

Mine is a fanatic since his heart attack at the begining of the year.I agree he has needed to exccercise but he goes to the cardiac rehab once a week, then mid week he goes spinning, a maniac on an excercise bike, then on Fridays he goes with a group to do excercises, apart from that every day he walks three kilometers, a bit OTT but at least I get some time to myself, looking positively.

It's not excessive if the time he is spending at the gym perhaps includes a coffee after, or a steam/jacuzzi. My ex partner was a gym manager/personal trainer at a health club. I worked out 5 times a week at the club but it was also social. So I would do a spin class/circuit class/swim/aerobics then have a coffee and a chat afterwards with other members. It was a lovely time and a great way to keep fit but also socialise. There were a few male members (one was a body guard) who worked out a lot but often chilled out for a while afterwards and had a chat with other members.

I suggest you join in but in a very gentle way. Make enquiries to see what they do for those who are not fully fit. Our gym used to have chair aerobics for example.

If that doesn't appeal, perhaps you could suggest some walks with him and see if he wants to compromise and cut out a couple of gym sessions to walk in the fresh air with you.

It's all about compromise and at least he's not going to the pub with his cronies, coming home sloshed and giving you an earful or worse.

More and more people seem to be getting obssessed with exercise these days.
I was speaking to a lady yesterday who i see on my weekly trip to swiming pool. She asked me how often i went and i said i only manage to fit it in once a week due to work and she told me she went 5 x a week, plus other keep fit classes and Tennis now she's retired!

Well it would not be unreasonable for him to change his routine so that you could have some sort of life together. Miss a day or two, go to an earlier session etc. Find some interesting things to do and suggest that.

That's an awful lot of gym. Maybe you could suggest you have lunch out together once a week? I have to say I love it when mine's out or away with his plane-spotting mates. He went off on a fishing trip yesterday - it's great here on my own. Do you have hobbies, friends to see, that kind of thing?

OP, do you have any hobbies or interests that you can do without him?

I’d love it if mine went out on his own a few times a week. He’s not lazy, far from it, but he spends hours doing the garden, walking the dog or sitting in his study writing etc. but I’m rarely left home alone.
He’s always just around.
To be honest, I find having somebody permanently nearby really suffocating so maybe he needs a bit of space away too?

I have my own hobbies and I socialise a lot outside of the home. It keeps me sane.

I'd pop along to the gym and surprise him one day.

attend the gymn with him, sit in the cafe read a book, newspaper kindle etc. If there is a pool spend a little time doing some simple walking exercises in the water..

Heartsbet.... swap yours for mine. His exercise regime is....get up about 9/9.30...have breakfast...turn on tv...sit and watch tv til 12.30....ask what’s for lunch....eats lunch that I’ve prepared , has nap in front of tv .... watches tv til 6pm..... eats dinner, that I’ve prepared,on lap in front of tv, in case he misses anything....has nap....watches football, then a bit of football then more football and goes to bed at midnight ish...only exercise is pressing remote control. I defy anybody to have a lazier husband. And before you think it’s because he’s old....he’s been like this since he retired at 50.

Maybe you should concentrate on joining a few clubs etc. where you can do something you really enjoy?

That exercise routine sounds over the top to me. My daughter is a fitness freak and would never train as much as that. Are you sure he is at the gym?

That exercise regime sounds excessive, unless as already stated he is preparing for some great feat of ohysical endeavour.

Do you know why he has become such an exercise fanatic? Is it because he is afraid of growing old and by being able to stick to this punishing regime he feels he can hold old age at bay? For older people, here can be health problems resulting from excess exercise. It can lead to excessive wear on the joints increasing the risk of arthritis. There is also some suggestion that it can cause calcification of the arteries.

I wonder if he is like the two men I used to see when I went swimming before 9 o'clock at the gym. They used to appear at five past eight in bone dry swimming trunks, head straight for the jacuzzi, occupy most of it, watch all the young women in the baths, and leave at about ten to nine not having taken a stroke of exercise. They then sat about in the coffee bar until they had read all the papers, then went home to tell their wives how good they felt. I knew one of their wives slightly and she was mystified why he spent so much time there every morning. Never said.

That is a lot of exercise in a week for most people, unless he's in training for a triathlon or iron man challenge.
Is it more now than it use to be and as you no longer go it's more of a problem for you ? Exercise is addictive, all those feel good hormones rushing about the body makes it very hard to miss a session doesn't it.
I think you need to have a chat with him about how left out you feel now that your abilities are different, it's not easy is it when you don't want to sound life a spoil sport .
Are there any activities you can still manage that you can do together ? It's not an easy task redefining yourself when life throws a spanner in the works, all the plans and expectations of how things will be are thrown out the window.
So no, in answer to your question I don't think you are being unreasonable in feeling disgruntled. If your medical condition has come along fairly quickly and has stopped you in your tracks you haven't had time to prepare for the changes in your life.
Talk to your husband, tell him how sad you are feeling about not being able to share this huge part of his life, it was a shared activity once that you'll be missing as well. Keep talking, keep thinking of how you can still do some things but maybe differently than before, make new hobbies so that you don't get swamped by loneliness .
It would be unreasonable of him not to understand what an impact your medical condition is having on you and adjust his gym times / frequency / length of sessions etc so that he has more time for you.
I hope you feel better soon and can adjust to the changes ahead, you both need to adapt a little to enjoy your retirement