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Split lip - bullying or rough and tumble?

(10 Posts)
Lyndylou Mon 07-Mar-16 22:23:49

My 8 year old DGS came out of school last Wednesday with a swollen mouth, a graze on the outside of his lip and a split to the inside of his mouth. He had a note to say he had fallen in the playground and had been given first aid. He says another child pushed him hard in his back. The child says he was hugging DGS and they both fell over, but a third child says it happened as my DGS stated.

We know this child well, he is spiteful and has had a tendency to push the other children around since very young. I have seen him deliberately push DGS before when they were both on a high step. DGS often comes out of school with a tale about being pushed or kicked by him. They have been close friends when very young, however DGS now prefers to play with quieter children, but this child pushes in on their play all the time and takes it over.

I attend his parent/teacher meetings with my DD because DGS has SEN and I tutor him in numeracy and literacy twice a week to help him. We have a normal half year meeting with his teacher tomorrow and a SENCO meeting Wednesday. He may have educational needs and is quiet and introverted but he is very popular in his class and has several friends.

I usually hate to interfere with children's friendships, most breakups are usually swiftly sorted by the children themselves. My issue is should we push this as a bullying issue when the school have apparently put it down to an accident during play?

I've just read through all that I have written and talked to DD and we have decided we will bring this up as possible bullying tomorrow. It was a quite minor injury in the end but it could have been much worse and it's not fair on either child not to discuss it. I would still love to hear what other GNs think about it.

Luckygirl Mon 07-Mar-16 22:32:08

I do agree with your comment that ignoring it is not fair to either child. Children who bully are often very sad and insecure and in need of help themselves. He may simply not be able to handle the fact that your DGS has found himself some different friends. The fact that it is not an isolated incident is an important factor here.

I am sure that this can be dealt with tactfully by the school, who will have the well-being of both children in mind. I hope you manage to achieve some resolution of this.

janeainsworth Mon 07-Mar-16 22:43:47

I don't think a swollen mouth, a graze on the lip and a split on the inside of the lip are minor injuries.
I think at the very least the school should have suggested that your DGS was taken to the dentist or doctor to make sure that no teeth had been broken or loosened, whether or not they think the other child was responsible.
It sounds to me as though they don't want to admit that bullying is going on.

grannyactivist Mon 07-Mar-16 22:58:12

I would certainly raise the matter with the teacher, but like Luckygirl I do think that both the bullied AND the bully need help in these situations.

I had my 6 year old grandson to stay this weekend; he also arrived with a fat lip gained at school on Friday. Apparently the boys were playing a game in the playground called 'Boomph', which involves barging into each other with arms folded - a split lip is a fair price to pay for the winner it seems, although as the other boy involved also had a fat lip I think it was a draw. hmm

Lyndylou Mon 07-Mar-16 23:39:14

Thanks Luckygirl; janeainesworth and grannyactivist.

Luckygirl yes I do have some sympathy for the child. I think he does need help.

janeainesworth it's a very good point about his teeth. I was just grateful he hadn't lost one, but I will remind DD to get them checked out, thanks.

grannyactivist Exactly, boys will be boys!! Boomph sounds like just the sort of playground game my own son would have loved. He was the complete opposite to my DGS. DS would often turn up with daft injuries that would take interrogation to find out what he had done. He once cut his tongue with scissors trying to get the last bit of sherbet out of a sherbet dip (while it was in his mouth!!) and he would have been about 9 at the time. confused

Iam64 Tue 08-Mar-16 20:25:37

It's good to read that you're going in to school with your daughter Lyndylou. I agree with the comments about this not being a minor injury and the fact that if your grandson and his friend are giving a more accurate description of what happened than the other boy, he also needs some active involvement to help him manage his feelings and curb this behaviour.

f77ms Tue 08-Mar-16 20:37:02

I think you should bring it up at your meeting. I know children do have tiffs but this seems a little more than high spirits . Just think what could happen if this boy pushes someone and they hit their face or head on concrete .
I think a firm word from the Teacher about what could happen as a result of `pushing` may be all that is needed .

trisher Tue 08-Mar-16 21:01:54

I think you need to raise the issue. In the playground children are sometimes supervised by teaching assistants who are lovely but sometimes just want things to go well. Your GSs teacher may just have accepted events as they were reported to her. She might appreciate you giving her the real version of events.

Lyndylou Tue 08-Mar-16 21:33:07

Hi Iam64 we raised the issue with the teacher today. She is going to talk to all 3 children and make a record. I'm glad we have raised it. Hopefully this will be a turning point and he will get the help he need.

Lyndylou Tue 08-Mar-16 22:10:32

Thanks trisher and f77ms. I'm grateful to everyone whose taken the time to make a comment. It's never nice to "run to teacher" even at 64, but I glad we have at least got it on record now.