School Proms - are they out of hand?

First world problems.

The best thing you can give your kids is the refusal to act under peer pressure, go by all means but at a price you can afford.

Good taste and planning can make you the envy of your friends.....

No wonder weddings and baby showers are becoming so expensive, people are ridiculous..then they moan that they can't get the deposit for a house. Grrrrrrrrr.

Our local school had it's prom last week, and two of the young gentlemen arrived in a helicopter.And instead of a 'do' at the school, they all went on a coach to London, and spent the evening on a disco boat on the Thames,followed by various parties when they came back.

Quite agree Rhinestone.

It's easier to bash another culture than to look at ones own participation in adopting elements of it. Americans didn't insist that this particular custom should become a 'thing' in the UK.

Kids have always responded to peer pressure, and the parents / schools facilitate this. No wonder it's become so expensive. Smacks of keeping up with the Joneses.

There also seems to be a lack of imagination in introducing something different for the kids to enjoy.

Perhaps DGD could get herself a Saturday job and pay for the makeup, etc herself with parents helping out?

Sorry - triplicated!

Duplicated and I don't know why. But if it's worth saying it's worth saying twicd!

No proms in the 1950s but we did have an end-of-year dance, not only for exam forms. We always had a band in which one of our science teachers played the clarinet. Discos were still unknown. My DSs and DGC have had leavers' discos at the end of primary school. It's fun to mark the end of a phase with some kind of celebration! But yes, proms have got out of hand. Salons are booked up weeks ahead with 16-year-olds 'needing' manicures, facials, spray tans and elaborate coiffures. And after the prom is over, do they all go home to bed? They do not - not in this village. The morning after, there were reports of rowdy behaviour and under-age drinking long into the night. The local police had a busy time.

No proms in the 1950s but we did have an end-of-year dance, not only for exam forms. We always had a band in which one of our science teachers played the clarinet. Discos were still unknown. My DSs and DGC have had leavers' discos at the end of primary school. It's fun to mark the end of a phase with some kind of celebration! But yes, proms have got out of hand. Salons are booked up weeks ahead with 16-year-olds 'needing' manicures, facials, spray tans and elaborate coiffures. And after the prom is over, do they all go home to bed? They do not - not in this village. The morning after, there were reports of rowdy behaviour and under-age drinking long into the night. The local police had a busy time.

No proms in the 1950s but we did have an end-of-year dance, not only for exam forms. We always had a band in which one of our science teachers played the clarinet. Discos were still unknown. My DSs and DGC have had leavers' discos at the end of primary school. It's fun to mark the end of a phase with some kind of celebration! But yes, proms have got out of hand. Salons are booked up weeks ahead with 16-year-olds 'needing' manicures, facials, spray tans and elaborate coiffures. And after the prom is over, do they all go home to bed? They do not - not in this village. The morning after, there were reports of rowdy behaviour and under-age drinking long into the night. The local police had a busy time.

abudhabimamie OMG!! ? I've never heard of that, how utterly ludicrous!!! ? ? All I can say is the parents must be mad and whoever thought of it needs to go and see a psychiatrist.

Nanabilly I've heard it all now how ridiculous. Only a year old and won't even remember it.
I hate cake smashes. I think they're ridiculous. I don't like seeing photos of children that are dirty and messy I like them to look clean and tidy.
As for having to have two dresses I don't understand that. Why? My daughter didn't have two. If I remember correctly because it was about 15 years ago, she bought her dress from TK Max for about £20, did her own make up and her big sister paid for her hair do. She looked beautiful. I remember they shared a limo, but can't actually remember who paid for it. I suppose we all donated towards it.

A few years ago I had some young girl knocking on my door to see if I would sponsor the local comprehensive school prom!! They weren't doing anything for the sponsorship (like a silence etc) or a raffle, just wanted money. Said no chance as I didn't know her or even have kids, let alone any at the school.

If the school can't afford to hold a prom, they shouldn't go round begging - not that I agree with holding them anyway.

I tend to agree Marion. No harm in any of these things when done sensibly and moderately but they are all getting ridiculously OTT

Everything has gone totally over the top. Proms, hen and stag nights, weddings etc. Everyone trying to outdo the other. We now seem to be going through a phase of getting married twice. Once at home and again in Switzerland France etc - what's all that about?!

I hired medieval costume accessories for a Millennium Eve party, and DH ruined his footwear during an impromptu outdoor conga. I'd to stand in a very long queue of recalcitrants when the fancy dress shop re-opened, holding half of a minstrel's mincing boot that I'd to pay for.

Sorry to digress.

Ridiculous American rubbish. What was wrong with Leaver' s Disco. I still remember mine with very fond memories & I doubt it cost more than a new dress- I did my own nails & makeup very well anyway.
About time schools banned them. My neighbour spent roughly £400 On her DD.
I hope they are passed before my DGD get to that age.

My son had a school formal in the nineties. He hired a tuxedo which had to be taken back the next morning. However dear son came home without the jacket. Apparently a girl had been shivering so he draped his jacket round her shoulders! We had a frantic morning phoning all the girls he knew to find out who had the jacket. Luckily it turned up. Otherwise we'd have to pay the shop for a new suit.

Not surprised. Isn't just about everything OTT these days?

It's a huge YES from me.

The money isn't totally "wasted" if they get to wear the dresses again for weddings, parties or even on holiday. Same with shoes and make up. The items can be passed down to sisters, cousins and I'm sure parents these days are wiley enough to sell things on ebay (sometimes making a profit!).

What is wrong with miserable ex teachers on here who moan about supervising the event and giving up their time? And why shouldn't teachers consider it important enough to put on their glad rags too, although I certainly don't feel the need to buy a new dress every time or to glam up? I'm their proud teacher who just wants to congratulate them on their achievements and wish them all the best for the future.

I would have loved to have gone to some sort of end of school shin-dig but my father had been posted and I had to spend the last six weeks of the term with a friend so I could finish my 'O' levels.

In those days you stayed on until the last day of term but I'd been given permission to leave after my last exam which was music and I was the only one in my class taking it.

As the papers were collected I glanced out of the window and saw the whole form gathered outside the entrance to the hall. They had come to say goodbye and although I was excited to be leaving and starting a new life I found it impossible not to cry.

The teacher who was supervising just said, 'Off you go now. Bell's gone.'

We were expected to be made of stronger stuff in those days

Dear Grandma
Proms have got completely out of hand. Totally sympathetic about peer pressure.
Apparently this started in America and only those students who completed the equivalent of A level were invited​ to attend as a celebration of achievement. As a retired teacher who had to supervise many of these prom events this is totally over the top now.
Girls parents spend hundreds of pounds on designer frocks or hire them and boys are wearing or hiring expensive suits. Even more is indeed wasted on cosmetics and tans, girls and boys too!
To be honest this is like a money making scam gone mad. The onus should be on school principals to rein in the excess and come up with a more sensible and inclusive approach to finishing year 11 exams​.

Also I find it's the parents with limited funds that spend what they can't afford and take pleasure from the happiness on their D or S faces.

I know from experience that some of them will be in the school social worker's office soon afterwards, distraught as they can't afford the repayments on the loan they took out.

Wanting to dampen down peer pressure and unnecessary expense so that the less well off are not made to feel like poor relations is not being miserable. I'm so glad that my lot had their proms (and thoroughly enjoyed them) when they were a new concept and just involved a bit of dressing up and a buffet and disco in the school hall, magically transformed by a few dozen balloons and a glitter ball. Last year some of the pupils at the same school arrived at the prom venue by helicopter.

I think the whole area of celebrations /rites of passage has mushroomed out of all proportion into obscene displays of commercialism - ordinary families aspiring to the celebrity lifestyles they see on the media and in magazines.
Yes, we always had "keeping up with the Joneses" but were realistic as to what was financially possible and within budget.
Many modern parents appear to need to prove, via social media, that they are excellent Mums and Dads by lavishing material goods on their children and this causes the peer pressure to escalate. In fact, as many of you have mentioned in previous threads, we have a generation of young adults who have an over-inflated sense of entitlement and a me-me-me attitude.
Nothing wrong with dressing up for parties and celebrations but the lifestyle expectations being fixed in the minds of the younger generation can only lead to heartache when , as adults, they are refused all their desires by virtue of circumstance. There is no longer a sense of anticipation - just I WANT IT : now.
Well done those parents who take a middle of the road line and source reasonably prices dresses etc for the Prom and do not bend to pressure.

Back in the "dark ages" 70s and 80s, I taught in Primary school when our "top classes" ( no Y6 then) left, we had a Barn Dance and all, including teachers, dressed up in cowboy gear - great fun!