GD terrified of 11+

Poor kid already shy and facing losing her friends. Let her just go were her friends are going.

I had one child who went to the grammar school and one who did not. Both had the right school for them.
Children get stressed for all sorts if reasons and the includes pupils who go to comps. I do not think we should blame the 11+.
I do not agree with the replies that say don't take it, if that is the parents wish, she should be encouraged. If she does not do the 11+ she will still have to do sats and other exams.
Children as they grow up will face stress in all situations, it's how they deal with it.
If my children were young today I would put one in for the 11+ but not the other as he was really not bothered or academically intrested.

Nannan some areas still have state grammar schools so pupils can take the 11+.

Private schools used to have the Common Entrance Exam - is that still the case?

I thought theyd done away with 11+? IS this just for private school?or sometimes its a similar test used for grammar schools?either she sits it& passes,so she knows shes more clever than she thinks she is(so a confidence boost)or fails and knows her parents&grandparents love her anyway and can sort her out a decent school in their area where if shes clever anyway she gets put in 'higher sets' so it will pan out fine.Private schools maybe a different kettle of fish,so best encourage her no matter what outcome,but leave the descisions to her parents.One of my daughters sailed through grammar school exam,disliked her school yrs,came out with lots of A stars- her younger brother didnt sit test as he was more of a 'doing' child than acedemic- still had a good education,her even younger brother,more acedemic,sat test but "ran out of time"-(i think he engineered this so he could attend our religion school with his his older brother)but i didnt mind,at least he tried,so he too came out with A's,A stars&B's. from high school,went on to 6th form,what im saying is,it largely depends on each child individually,and how they are personally,both at learning,and ability.and the parents know each child best.they know what theyre capable of,or not.please try not to interfere,even her grandad,tempting i know,im a grandma too now,but parents really do have upper hand in this,im sure theyl love her regardless,and they only want whats best for her,so if she doesnt pass theyl sort her out somewhere else where she'l still learn,and be happy.(where she still will get end of year exams every year,and GCSE's and end of year 11,just like every other child.she'l be ok.

Our daughter was the same until a fantastic teacher said "You do realise it's not you they are testing, it's me, whether I have taught you well" - a weight visibly lifted from her shoulders and she never looked back

11+ is good for those that are genuinely clever, Grammar School on your CV sets you apart from the rest, a prospective employer will take note and give you an interview.

I am not sure that this would be the case in this day and age as most areas do not have Grammar Schools.
If it was indeed the case, then no Welsh child would ever get an interview for a job, a place at university etc.

Don’t take it it’s disgraceful, our children are being stressed over education.

Some good points here already and especially M0nica
I do agree "it's the adults around her" and how they approach this.

Others have said about recognising she will be leaving her friends, so yet another separation for what ?? Good points, well made.

Lots of good points about other options for education and ways to valuable life outcomes so it's not purely about her education.

If, as another poster advised, DGD was to see a professional the only value for DGD in that would be - IF the adults around her made clear statements that she did not have to DO anything to keep their approval/love/acceptance.

IF the adults were willing to listen to what DGD feels/thinks/wants and are willing to respect her wishes - then, and for me, only then, would any counsellor/mentor stand any chance of dealing with her anxiety.

Otherwise any one trying to help could possibly be colluding with the adults to get FROM this child what THEY (the adults) want as an outcome. She would be DO ing this for them.

Sad to say so often someones "Value" is in their DOING not their BEING. We need to feel Valued as the Human Being we are not as a Human Doing.

While this may not be the intention of those around her there is a strong possibility that DGD gets LOST in others expectations.

I think I'd be trying to have that difficult talk about their expectations and the pressure they are putting on this child. In that there is lots of good points to draw on here.

My friend (of the MIL Debt) says "better a happy child willing to learn in a less than good school than an unhappy child to able to learn in a good school."

Good Luck

If she is bright she will do well at the local comprehensive so why put her through all the anxiety, or perhaps have her parents made her feel that the 11plus is the B all and end all of everything? I went to the grammar school did Ok but some of my friends did not pass the 11 plus, they have done well too

11+ is good for those that are genuinely clever, Grammar School on your CV sets you apart from the rest, a prospective employer will take note and give you an interview.
My 10 yr old GD is taking it next week, she is intensely competitive her older brother passed and has every confidence she will too.
Two of my daughters went to Grammar school the middle one didn't and they all went to the right school. Surprisingly the only one to go to Uni was the middle one who with one A level became a Midwife, the others with 3 A levels each joined accountants offices and qualified on the job.

We didn't encourage or discourage them it was always do your best and you will be happy.

Back in the 1960s probably the majority of children took the 11+. I failed and was disappointed but quickly realized that I wouldn't cope with the work. High School I loved, a real swot, close to the top in most subjects and got the expected 5 GCSEs yes 5!.
Got a job in a solicitors office at 16, brilliant, an education in itself, you got to know about everyone else's problems, couldn't say a word though.

I have 4 GC. My daughter told the school that the two eldest, both boys, would not do the 11+. The eldest starts A levels in a local college on Monday, redoing his Maths & English..
The 12 year old starts a new school, also on Monday, where the aim is to prepare him for independent living, (He has ASD/ADHD).
My 10 yr old GD is also not taking the 11+ next week. My daughter will apply for her to go to a local faith school that has a good Performing Arts programme, (she is a semi professional dancer).
It is doubtful that my 7yr old GD will take the 11+, and she will also go to a faith secondary school when the time is right.
Are they suffering academically because they don't go to Grammar Schools, (We live in Buckinghamshire ), No!. Are they happy at school and with life, Yes.
Theoretically the 10 year old could pass but the grammar school, at the end of her road doesn't offer the subjects she wants.
I think it's up to the individual child and their parents as to whether to permit them to sit, but if the OPs GD IS so stressed I'd casually suggest to her parents to withdraw her, even at this late stage.

Blondie 49
I've never heard of a fee paying Grammar school before!

We live in a Grammar/Secondary Modern area. There are a couple of Comprehensive schools, but they're much further away.
DS went to the Grammar school, as did most of his friends, and it suited all of them.
We didn't put him under any pressure, he looked around the Grammar and the Sec Mod, spoke to teaching staff and present students and made his own mind up that he wanted to go to the Grammar school.
We gave him one practice paper so that he was familiar with the format, but other than that he had no help.
Hm999
DS was not tutored in any way, by his Junior school or us, to pass the 11+, not everyone puts their children under that sort of pressure!
I firmly believe that if they only pass the 11+ with tutoring, they may struggle with the workload at Grammar school, I've seen it happen with a friend's son. Surely they'd be better doing well at Sec Mod than being miserable and stressed at a Grammar.
It sounds as though OP's partner's DGD is being put under pressure by her school, and that needs to stop.
A practice paper or two at home, in a really relaxed atmosphere may help her, but pressure to pass definitely won't!

My granddaughter is in Leeds area. No 11+ but she had to sit what the government call Sat7. This apparently helps to stream them in the comprehensive schools. You have to sit a separate exam for the grammar school which is a few paying one, unless your really clever and get a bursary. I’m not sure she would have had a choice whether to sit the Sat7 or not, but surely if she didn’t that would have made her feel slightly alienated from her classmates.

Have the parents thought of seeking professional help for their daughter and the family. The reaction to the exam papers is a symptom that this little girl needs some support and needs help voicing her feelings. The school maybe able to help with a recommendation. The children may get on well with both parents but they may have problems coming to terms with the divorce and/or other problems.

Many of the posts so far have been about the 11+ and I would include STATS in that problem. I went to a meeting at my GS school about STATs and you could feel the fear in the room .

In Kent nobody has to take the 11+. It’s usually a mutual decision between the school and parents. So the school must think she is capable of passing. I’ve worked in both secondary moderns and grammar schools in Kent and the grammar schools are marvellous for very able children. The quality of teaching is good and the behaviour of the students tends to be better. If your OH’s GD is struggling at the thought of the test, she shouldn’t do it as the pressure in a grammar school could be too much for her.

Perceive not percieve

I have a friend who I met at secondary school. She always got horribly stressed and anxious at exams..unlike me who never appreciated the need to prep! She always did very well..as opposed to me! However we both via different routes ended up as teachers. It still bugs her today that I had what she percieves as a far more successful career than her. She got straight As & I did not.
Point of my anecdote is exams are a small part of life.. some need the stress to perform well, others avoid it & still do ok! Sadly some get over stressed and cannot perform at all. Best those people find a different path to success.

I agree with DoraMarr
My three went to a faith comprehensive school, which was in fact streamed according to ability. The pastoral care and the attention given to how they were doing was amazing.
They all went to Russel Group universities and are actually doing better than some of their peers who went to Grammar school. The children who were not so academic were looked after as well and went on to have successful careers or apprenticeships of their choice. Everybody was treated as equal and that’s how it should be.

Try working through a paper or two with her. You will probably find she knows more than you and this builds confidence. Laugh at your ignorance and point out that ignorance of these points hasn't stopped you being happy!

One GS didn't get the grades and is in Secondary School , he is well , happy and top of his form , but will have to leave and go to Grammar or Further Ed to do A levels . Younger GS refused to sit the damned thing and is doing well too . All my lot were Grammar educated with varying results and I wish we had been more laid back

The problems lie with the adults around her, who have made a big deal about it, plus the problems at home. If nobody around her was bothered about it, or its result she is unlikely to be bothered about it either.

If there are grammar schools in the area, the other schools are secondary moderns, not comprehensives, because the most able pupils have been 'creamed off' (hate that expression). Having said that, grammar schools are full of those who have been crammed for the previous year or two for 11+. There are even Saturday schools, as well as tutors, specifically for that purpose.

We moved out of Kent deliberately to avoid our children having to take these tests. We moved to a Comprehensive area and both boys went to good universities.

Perhaps the 11+ has to be taken in some areas if they don't have comprehensive schools but purely grammar and secondary ones.

If there are comprehensive schools available, I guess one option is to not take the 11+.

I suppose they could leave it a week or so and then try to reasonably discuss the matter with her. A lot depends, I suppose, on the girl's general nature.