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Parenting Classes - in person preferably

(20 Posts)
GagaJo Sun 15-Dec-19 11:38:21

My daughter has expressed an interest in taking some parenting classes to help her deal with my exceptionally challenging, 1 1/2 year old, grandson.

He's become quite violent of late, hitting, biting, spitting. He is VERY defiant and doesn't respond easily to being told no or put in time out.

I've searched locally but there is nothing. Everything has been closed or cancelled during 'austerity'.

Anyone got any ideas where we could look?

M0nica Sun 15-Dec-19 12:06:51

I just tried googling 'parenting classes' and the name of a local town and it brought up a lot of different types of classes from a range of providers.

Callistemon Sun 15-Dec-19 12:14:01

Am I reading this correctly - he is 18 months old?
Or is he eleven and a half?

If eleven and a half I would be more alarmed

If 18 months old, personally I don't think that time out is appropriate or will work. It sounds rather draconian for a baby.
Perhaps the terrible twos have hit a bit early.

Many small children of that age resort to biting, hitting, scratching. It's fairly common and arises out of frustration.

If your DD is having rather a difficult time at the moment (forgive me, but I thought I remembered you saying that she is) then he will pick up on the anxieties.
Does he realise that you are going overseas without him? Even at that age he could pick up on that and be anxious.

What are his language skills like? If he can't express himself he may lash out, especially if someone invades his space.
Does he express himself through play? Chat to his toys? That can be quite revealing. Time spent looking st books together, chatting, can be calming too.

If he is eleven and a half then you do need to go to the GP, the school and perhaps seek professional help in the New Year.

EllanVannin Sun 15-Dec-19 12:15:09

There's usually one near to where you live, town/village or you could ring the local town hall.

Callistemon Sun 15-Dec-19 12:17:53

EllanVannin Sun 15-Dec-19 12:18:42

Diverting their attention can be a good start when they're little, totally ignore naughtiness, walk away but praise when good.

mumofmadboys Sun 15-Dec-19 12:24:07

I agree with EV's post.

Callistemon Sun 15-Dec-19 12:24:23

I've known a couple or more of dear little children who bit or scratched.
The only thing that stopped them eventually was when another child bit them back. They were so shocked that it actually hurt they stopped doing it.

Callistemon Sun 15-Dec-19 12:25:31

And what EV says

notanan2 Sun 15-Dec-19 12:35:36

They do exist but are by referral only here so you have to request it through your health visitor

Witzend Sun 15-Dec-19 12:39:55

I can't think that time out can work at 18 months - he's still a baby and too young IMO to grasp consequences. Ignoring bad behaviour is usually recommended but I'm sure can be very hard to stick to when you're stressed, very likely tired too, and near the end of your tether.

No help nowadays I know, but my MiL once told me that one of her toddler boys (not my dh!) was a persistent biter - until she'd finally had enough and bit him back.
The shock of that finally put an end to it.

eazybee Sun 15-Dec-19 13:05:13

Try the local clinic, the health visitor or the GP.
If she finds a course, it is important that she completes it; so many parents go expecting immediate solutions, and it doesn't work like that.

Greeneyedgirl Sun 15-Dec-19 13:29:20

I ran parenting classes when I was working and I found that parents with children of all ages said that they benefitted immensely from attending. I think they found much support and reassurance from each other, and being able to talk through difficult situations. Despite the internet, many parents feel quite isolated. and although may have held responsible jobs, parenting can be challenging in different ways, leaving competent people feeling helpless, with unrealistic expectations.
I hope your daughter can access somewhere GagaJo. She should speak to her health visitor, there are still a few left!

Callistemon Sun 15-Dec-19 16:47:24

Yes, chatting with other parents and helping one another with solutions is a good idea.
If there are no parenting classes immediately available, is there a mother and toddlers group they could join?

Just to have the reassurance that this kind of behaviour is not unusual, she is not a hopeless mother and to give her more confidence in parenting would help.

Because there were no such facilities when my DC were small and I had no family nearby, I found meeting with other mums with small children very helpful. We met in each other's homes in turn.

GagaJo Sun 15-Dec-19 16:59:05

I did the same thing Monica and lots came up. BUT when we started contacting the links, there is nothing there anymore. They've all been cancelled for lack of funding. There used to be one a 20 minute walk away (she doesn't drive) but it's folded. She tried Gingerbread, the single-parent organisation. No groups for 100 miles.

His speech is a BIT delayed. He'd been seen a couple of times at the hospital, but he's been discharged now. So no support there. The hitting started about 6 months ago, but the biting and spitting is new.

She goes to toddler groups with him and has friends with children. AND is looking for a nursery to give them a bit of a break from each other once or twice a week, once I've left (currently I have him a day and a half or so a week).

But what she needs (her idea, not mine) is somewhere to go weekly, to learn some management skills. A class. I agree with her, it'd be great.

I'll contact the link you gave Callistemon, thank you. That is handy to know, notanan2, thank you.

Greeneyedgirl Sun 15-Dec-19 17:09:01

I think there are some on line courses that may help with management GagJo?

GagaJo Sun 15-Dec-19 17:11:24

I guess if there are no actual classes, she'll have to try that. But I think that is a very poor alternative.

The irony is, if she were a bad mother, or had any kind of link with social services, these things would be available (have a friend with mental health issues, who is sent to baby sign language classes to help her bond with her child) but for an average mum, nothing.

Hetty58 Sun 15-Dec-19 17:11:28

I can remember actually biting my eldest back. I did feel awful about it. I'd picked him up to remove him from a fight and he'd sunk his teeth into my arm. He was only two but I didn't think about it, just reacted. He never bit me again!

Parenting classes and playgroups are limited, due to funding cuts. EV is spot on about ignoring the bad, distracting and praising the good behaviour. I've often noticed that the parents who punish have the worst behaved kids.

GagaJo Sun 15-Dec-19 17:14:32

I did that with my daughter, Henny58. Worked on her. BUT grandson is a different kettle of fish. I don't know if it's just him or its the difference between a boy and a girl, but he is full-on.

Hetty58 Sat 21-Dec-19 11:59:21

GagaJo, I think it's a personality (rather than gender) difference.

One of my granddaughters was a nightmare. She really couldn't help it, though, so any discipline didn't work. She is 'different'.

An awful lot of understanding was needed. She'd get overexcited at any gathering and end up in a tantrum. She'd easily fly into a rage when frustrated or bored. She's a lot better now (aged 9) but we understand her needs so much more now. We can predict and prevent problem behaviour.

She needs an awful lot of exercise, long walks, athletics, ice skating, swimming, riding etc. to allow her to remain calm. She likes a choice of things to do, never a direct order, more a persuasion. I do OK by talking to her like an adult.

Really, she is sensitive, emotional and hyperactive - none of which she can change.