Children in nursery and even KS1 still in nappies!

I certainly remember a child in Reception who wasn't in nappies but should have been., We always used to make sure we weren't sat next to her.

Also when my son started school 30 years ago there was a couple with issues.

Grandson says there was one child who wore the pull up types. He had bladder problems and this was beyond his control. His peers were very helpful and the teacher managed to make it far less traumatic than it might have been .

So no, it's nothing new. And some children are not being wilful. They're not cursed with dreadful parents. They are often suffering from medical issues.

So maybe enough of. the castigation.

What blue25 and bibbity said

We saw this a lot in my years working in a school in an area of extreme deprivation. And yes, it was mainly down to parental incompetence, but these were parents who hadn’t learnt from their own parents, and so the cycle continued. We had many asylum seekers and refugees, families who’d fled war zones with nothing and didn’t have first world priorities. The same parents were still spoon feeding their children, because it was quicker than teaching them to use cutlery. The same children came to school never having seen a book, and not knowing which way up to hold it. They were rarely talked to, so had poor communication skills.

The Sure Start centre set up at this school during Tony Blair’s era was doing great work with these families, teaching parentcraft as well as basic skills and English where needed, providing healthcare and maternity advice for families who never left their own narrow environment, teaching the basics of cooking and nutrition. Things were looking up.

And one of the first things the Tory / Lib Dem alliance did was to axe its funding….

My DS was 6 before he was properly toilet trained and that certainly was not down to my laziness, I started at age 2 1/2 and was still at it as he started school. My DD who was 2 years younger was clean and dry day and night at 18 months, way before DS was. He never went to Pre school or school in nappies he just had to change three times a day. Which is best I wonder, changing an outfit then bagging it up or changing a pull up and binning it.
We must not judge others, ever. You all need to look at yourselves and ask, am I really that perfect ?

My older DS gave me a right struggle with toilet training, he was just getting out of nappies at two years old, which was considered late then (1972) then his brother was born and he regressed immedietly caused by seeing the baby in nappies.He eventually got clean and dry during the day, but was still having a few wet beds on starting school.
DS2 was a different story, he just about toilet trained himself by 18 months as he hated being wet or soiled.He would start trying to pul his nappy off so that was a signal for the potty or toilet.He would manage to pul off his wet nappy every morning and throw it over the cot rails and by two year old was dry every night.
I agree with the posters who say disposable nappies have a lot to do with late toilet training. Faced with having to wash and dry terry towelling nappies every day parents made sure their children were out of them as quick as possible. Imagine trying to walk with a soaken wet rag between your legs!. Disposables, as well as being too easy are too absorbent, the child seems unaware he or she is wet.
Each generation seems to be different though, my mother was disgusted that my two were not trained by their first birthdays! She will be spinning in her grave now.

My children were all toilet trained and dry at night early. I was lucky as it was easy to get them dry. However I was not working !!! This made a massive difference, working parents are tired and toilet training does take time and diligence from parents. It must be very hard getting children up and dressed for school / daycare, taking them there before a full day at work, after work collecting children from Grandma/ nursery or after school club. Then it's play time , tea , homework , bath and bed. I certainly do not envy them !! Taking all this into account I can understand why toilet training takes a back seat. Not ideal I know! but I see why it happens.

Mine DD too Shelflife. Dry in the day at 1 and at night at 2. With very little efford on my part. DGS, a YEAR of potty training. But done by 3.

(scuse typos)

Mattsmum2

MamaCaz

I think it must be because both parents are usually working full time these days, so even when the nursery is on board too, it is a much more difficult process than it was when a child was being looked after on a one-to-one basis (usually with the mother).

Lock down helped with my youngest dgc in that respect. Because of it, she wasn't in nursery as she approached two, so we and her parents managed to get her out of nappies. She didn't find it easy, and I am pretty certain that we would have had to abort our efforts if she had still been going to nursery for part of the week.

I worked full time during late 80’s and 90’s and had no trouble toilet training before nursery.

You toilet trained them before nursery? What age are you talking about?

Most mums are back at work now by the time a child is a year old, with many starting nursery at 6 months.

I find it hard to believe that you had fully toilet trained yours by that age, when many still can't even walk or talk!

I have a feeling that we are not comparing like with like.

Mine were about 18 months old, all of them but we had the old cloth nappies and they used to get sore from time to time-nothing like a bit of discomfort to hurry the process along . Not that I realised that at the time. I think most schools here would not allow children to start if they were still in nappies ( unless they were special needs of course). I was working with all except the first 2 , it didn't make any difference.

Potty training threads always bring out the most boring competitive details on how one's children were out of nappies almost from birth!

whilst working for the UN and cooking from scratch from vegetables grown in the garden.

The aim when my girl was little was for them to be potty trained so that they would be able to go to play playschool, because they couldn't go if they weren't.
It was a huge incentive!

Galaxy

whilst working for the UN and cooking from scratch from vegetables grown in the garden.

A relatives son started school still in nappies. Lazy parents took him to the doctor who said that there was nothing wrong with him! At the end of the autumn term the parents were told that he couldn't come back after Christmas unless he was trained, funnily enough he was OK by the start of the spring term

Again, what a shame. GN seems to turn into a slanging match, with some people becoming so defensive on a personal level.

Thinking back over my childhood, my childrens' and my grand-children- I can honestly say I do not know of any child who was not clean by the time they went to playschool then school. Bar 2 very very special cases. Why is saying this, judgemental? I am a teacher, and never have I heard of any teacher/s having to deal with nappies- although yes, of course- all schools had changes in case of very rare and exceptional 'accidents'.

There is clearly a change happening- where this seems to have become the 'norm' for schools and teachers to deal with and is quite new, in the proportions discussed currently.

What is to stop a parent fibbing that their child is dry to get them into a school? Then saying the child has regressed at the thought of starting school and now needs nappies again, leaving it to the school to sort out.

My #2 DS was out of nappies in the daytime by 18months. He wanted to be like his big brother and was desperate to stand up to pee. It was a relief because those terry nappies were bulky especially when wet

I can remember being surprised 20 years later when a nearly 4 yr old boy, very bright, was still in nappies (disposables) and the parents were so anxious as he couldn't begin school until he was clean and dry.

It was an effort to train them. You waited until the Summer when there were fewer clothes to undo. There were also accidents.
Anxiety played a part. (from me and them)
Was it a coincidence that the first night after all 3 DS started school they wet the bed having been dry at night for years?.

I think making sweeping judgements about lazy parents is judgemental kali, and there has been a lot of that. I work in early years, up to 8 different settings a week, so I know the effect that kind of judgement has on parents especially those with additional needs.

Galaxy

I think making sweeping judgements about lazy parents is judgemental kali, and there has been a lot of that. I work in early years, up to 8 different settings a week, so I know the effect that kind of judgement has on parents especially those with additional needs.

I agree Galaxy. Shouldn't teachers and parents be working in partnership to make things easier, primarily for the child? Criticising parenting is not the way for teachers to establish a good relationship.

Agreed, which is why I have not!

Thanks Josianne, I do a lot of work with anxious parents who are beyond worried about their child not being toilet trained, we work in partnership with the schools who 9/10 times are completely supportive. To be honest toilet training is the least of the schools worries in most cases.

And to be fair, it all gets talked about in the staffroom too!

I teach reception and every year we get children who aren’t reliably toilet trained who will wet and soil themselves not asking to go to the toilet. We frequently encounter children who are put into pull ups without our being aware and when we mention it to parents they are somewhat embarrassed but their child’s lack of toilet training. We also have children with special needs who need two members of staff to deal with changing ( 2 staff members stop any allegations of inappropriate behaviour/touching). These incidents divert our attention away from the teaching that we are paid to do and really eat into our real job. But that’s how it is in most reception classes now I think.