Nero-divergent teenage grandson being bullied

There is little point in moving schools as you could be going from the frying pan into the fire.
Schools are very good at writing anti bullying policies and dreadful at implementing them.
I would read and understand the schools anti bullying policy and then write to the head of school and the head of governors asking why they have not put a stop to the bullying.
Request a meeting and stand firm, when I was in the same situation with my son his House Master had the temerity to suggest my son was “over sensitive” I wiped the floor with him.
I demanded to know what action they had taken to date with the bully and how they had monitored the situation.
Nothing had been done because the bully was captain of rugby!
When he was eventually pulled in his father was on the phone to us demanding my son retracted the allegations!
The bully was expelled when everything came to light and rather like the “Me Too” campaign another boy came forward.

The parents need to state that this is a safeguarding issue. Schools have an obligation to keep children safe - physically and emotionally. This school is doing neither.

I would create a log of all the incidents and report the school to OFSTED. You can do this via the OFSTED website. An OFSTED inspection should focus their minds! If the school is inspected, the child’s parents can request a confidential meeting with the inspectors.

You should make any complaints referring and quoting their anti-bullying policy. If nothing is done by the Head Teacher, you step up the complaint by writing to the Governors. If that doesn't work you refer it to the LEA. However, at any time there is physical bullying, you can refer it to the police. It can also be very effective to fire off a letter from a solicitor. I found removing my son from the school until they had something in place to stop the bullying quite effective. They absolutely hate their attendance rates being lowered.
Of course, none of this should need to happen and I wonder if your GS's parents can work with the school to devise strategies to remove your GS from the situations he is most likely to be bullied.

Sadly I think you will fight a losing battle against the bullying. Schools will make all the right noises, say they are tackling it, have all their policies in place and it will continue to happen. You could look at other schools if there are any nearby and see what they are like. The other alternative is home schooling.
As for what you can do. Simply keep assuring him his difference is a strength. Praise his achievements. Find role models who are like him. More and more neurodivergent people are coming out and admitting they have struggled make sure he knows about them. And tell him school isn't like the wider world that there are places where he will be appreciated and understood.If you google neurodiversity there is lots of on-line information and help.

Why is it when anyone mentions autism it always has to have the add on of ‘high functioning” or ‘bright’ or ‘smart’. Do not ordinary autistic children require the same sort of care and consideration as their ‘bright’ counterparts. It’s like people are embarrassed to say they have a child in the family on the autistic spectrum who isn’t a genius. Autistic children are individuals. No matter what their level of intelligence they deserve respect, considerations and to be treated as individuals. They do not deserve to be bullied, called names or ignored at school because they are different. So many schools say they don’t tolerate bullying yet do absolutely nothing to prevent it.
A teacher told my DGS to “just ignore them”. I would like to see what would happen to a pupil who referred to a teacher as a spastic every day, morning, lunchtime and afternoon. Who follow them round every playtime shouting names at them. I, sure the school would take action then but it appears not if they do it to another child.
Maggie your DGS has the best possible advantage. A Mum, Dad and Grandparent who love and support him.
All I can advise is for them to keep fighting every step of the way. Don’t sit back and let the bullies win. Neurodivergent children have so much to cope with. I hope your grandson comes through this ok. Perhaps he could join some structured outside of school activities like sea scouts or police cadets etc.
I wish you well.

My heart goes out to you Maggie17- and this terrifies me for my darling ASD GS , life seems to be far worse for them in Secondary Education. ??

Would he rather be home schooled it sounds as if he’s acedemically bright enough to teach himself via computers
He can’t stay in this environment he must dread going every day Poor lad

if he's good at exams, could he get into a private school.
most have bursaries.
i wouldn't leave him in that situation.

Yes, copy every written complaint to the Chair of governors, the head of the Academy chain or the local education authority if it is a LEA school and insist on a meeting to discuss the next academic year because the school is not doing its job in safeguarding this vulnerable child. Plainly the school leadership does not have a complete picture of the escalating harm being done and, however difficult, need to have an action plan in place for September. The incidents reported go well beyond high spirits.

i wouldn't waste my time.
they obviously don't care.
i would remove him and change schools.

I would honestly called the police and press charges

I would also change schools

Go to the chair of governors. It is unlikely that the school are logging the incidents of bullying. If your daughter does not see an improvement then go to the Local Authority.

Really? With everything I have written you feel the need to correct my spelling/grammar!

Thank you for all the helpful comments I do appreciate the support.

It's awful when it's your child or grandchild, I know.

It's also appalling that the school are being so uninvolved, so far.
I would feel just the same as you.

VioletSky
The children at my granddaughters school have a saying for pupils who name those who are making trouble: if you snitch, you get stitched

I am not suggesting that your grandson has to be the one who changes but some of my suggestions might help him cope while the school gets to grips with the bullying.

Iam64
In the climate we live in now there’s nothing a conductor could do. He/she certainly couldn’t touch the child and they know it.
Who’s the conductor going to call for help to evict them from the bus, the police?

Has the SENCO been involved with the transition from Primary School? I was the SENCO for a large comprehensive and had responsibility for working with all neurodivergent students regardless of their academic ability and making staff aware of any specific mannerisms or needs in the classroom.

I had a quiet room that any pupil could access at lunch times and many bright autistic students went there. Some had Time Out passes to use if classrooms got too noisy, students could use them to come to my Support Centre for a few moments and have a chat with an adult if they wanted to. The library was also a safe place to go to sit quietly or go on the computer. One of my TAs ran an after school club for Minecraft and coding which appealed to some such pupils.

These things did not eliminate bullying I’m afraid but did give students coping strategies and gave me the opportunity to find out who was doing the bullying so I could work with the Head of Year to deal with the bullies. Your grandson is coming to the end of the school year so it is an ideal opportunity to look at his teaching groups for next year. I would suggest putting him in the higher sets, possibly higher than his ability might indicate, so he is less likely to be in troublesome classes. If he had good friends from Primary School, it’s a chance for him to be put in some of their classes for support.

It is totally unacceptable and your daughter is right to go in to complain, the school should be working to prevent incidents possibly through circle time sessions when the bullies can learn how harmful their behaviour is.

If your grandson has a diagnosis of autism ( apologies if I’m not using the current terminology, I retired in 2016 and I know things have changed) then if he has regular CAHMS input the psychologists there can work with the school.

Many children who are different need good coping strategies, safe places and empathetic key workers and the school can provide these to make his life easier.

We are coming up to the summer holiday, this needs to be dealt with now.

I would tell your daughter to put in writing to the school that if any future incidents happen the police will be called and that the LEA (local education authority) and OFSTED will be informed.

I would also include all incidents and th names of the children that are known.

I would start keeping a diary of all incidents. With photos of any injury or damage to property.

She can call the local police station to give a statement and show them the evidence.

In would include it all in the (formal) letter and make it clear that she wants to be informed of all steps in the investigation. I would also ask for a meeting in Spetember to inspire that nothing is forgotten or set aside over the holiday.

Best of luck, my daughter is on the spectrum and it is so painful how cruel children can be

Maggie
Your daughter and her will have to make themselves a nuisance. By this I mean they have to get as much information as they can on the school’s responsibility. Then email all this information to the school demanding an answer within a reasonable time frame. By law ( I know this) they have to reply to you. And then you keep emailing them again and again with every piece of information they gather, it’s amazing how much is out there that schools don’t want you to know.
It’s hard work and takes up an enormous amount of time, but you can beat them.
My daughter did.

Maggie17, reading your post at 21.32 had me back 15 years when my oldest grandson started high school. Like your grandson, he’s very bright, highly intelligent but socially really struggles.

Primary school responded to his diagnoses age 8 by putting him in charge of the library. This allowed him to avoid play time and gave him some status as he could help children choose books.
High school was awful. On the school bus, He had chewing gum rubbed into his hair, his back pack stolen and thrown around. I’ll never forgetting his detailed explanation to he of the advice in his year 7 on how to avoid bullying on the bus. He said it was helpful because now he sat near the driver and ignored the bullies. I could still weep.
Apologies for not coming up with constructive suggestions. It’s really tough for these bright neuro divergent children . More should be done to challenge and educate the bullies. Totally wrong that my grandson was effectively given responsibility for his own safety.
When I was a girl, there was a conductor who chucked trouble makers off the bus. Surely conductors should be on buses to maintain order. How can the driver do that

Phew? I was thinking all sorts!
Time for serious discussion with school and threat to leave. Report to local education authority. The school needs to really step up. Chances are there are other pupils suffering too.

Aveline

I'm what's a 'rack shack'?

Typo for ruck sack?

I have to say this fills me with fear. I also have a grandson on the spectrum. Extremely bright academically but, like your grandson, lacks society skills. Thankfully, at the moment, he's still in primary school but I do worry about him moving up