The Brainwashing Behind Going No Contact

NanaNancy Yes, there will be families. They will consist of parents with their minor children. There may be a lower incidence of extended family contact. Extended family is anyone outside the immediate nuclear family circle. By definition, extended family needs to take a lower place on the priority scale than immediate family. I have a greater responsibility to my child than I do to my parents, because my child is 13 years old and my parents are in their 60's.

NanaNancy. In another 10 years for you I hope that all those years you walked on eggshells and feared you'd be cut out once more, have resulted in a better relationship with your AC, and that you no longer fear being cut out again.

For us, we are stronger and happier than I ever thought possible when we lost our son and GC. Some years ago I read on a site about narcissists that the only way to win the game was to stop playing.

We stopped playing.

Yes Fairydoll 5 years ago. If s/he's so convinced they did the right thing you have to ask yourself why they remain so bitter and angry.

Thanks Smileless for your message of support.
I hate to see any online bashing but don't take much credence of anyone providing input who has not experienced this abomination.
Their sincere writings confirm that this is a epidemic, propagated by internet users who don't think or question what they might read, but just say it must be true/good and I will jump on that band wagon.
What will life look like for us in another 10 years? Will there be any "real" families as we know them?

I can’t find the post now so please correct me if I’m wong, but didn’t NCwithNarcs go NC five years ago?

I agree agnurse that there may be abusers here that we are not aware of. That said a poster like NCwN who addresses posters on this thread as if they are narcissist abusers is out of order.

When I have seen posts from "people showing up unannounced and admitting to unwanted contact" I've yet to see a response that was devoid of sympathy and understanding.

I realise that you are speaking in general terms however, my previous post had this particular poster in mind, who obviously doesn't regard their behaviour on this thread as abusive, but I do.

Smileless2012 As far as you are aware there aren't any GN posters who've abused their children, spouses or partners.

My point is that there may be abusers here; you just aren't aware of them. Many people with personality disorders don't realize they have a problem. They tend to be obsessed with getting their own way and think that's completely reasonable. They don't think of what they do as being abusive. Example: my GFIL beat his children with his army belt. Today, we would consider that abusive. Due to that (and some other behaviour) his children may well have been taken into care if they were young today. But in those days that wasn't considered abusive.

We do have documented cases on here of people showing up unannounced and admitting to unwanted contact. It could be argued that this is abusive.

I am not singling out anyone in particular here. I am speaking in general terms.

Well Madgran I'm not sure why NC is posting on GN at all. As far as I am aware there aren't any GN posters who've abused their children, spouses or partners.

It's sad really that someone who chose to estrange their parents and family 5 years ago doesn't appear to have moved on and remains so bitter and angry.

Far more bitterness and anger being exhibited by this poster than P's and GP's on GN who are the victims of estrangement.

What another verbal slanging match. It is so childish. Everyone is entitled to his/ her opinion, you don't have to agree/disagree, no wonder families fall out.

NC I'm not sure why you are posting that statement above on GN or on this thread ....!! What is your purpose? It appears to be to upset others but I would like to be wrong!!

To those of you who have abused your children, spouse, partner, etc.: There will be more and more people going No Contact with you, so be prepared. They will be doing it at a much younger age and at a faster pace, thanks to the internet and YT channels like The Narcissistic Resistance. (Thanks, Ollie!) In short, you will reap what you sow.

NC The point made by Smileless above is the reason why your comments certainly appear to blame Narcissism for CO in every case.

NCwN re parents and family CO because of a narc partner or spouse; "I don't know enough about this dynamic because that has never been my experience". Yet you felt 'qualified' to come onto this thread and 'attack' parents and GP's who've been cut out of their children's and GC's lives, pinning all of the blame onto them.

NC thanks for replying to my question. Your posts seem to suggest that you are assuming CO is caused only by Narcissim ...good that is not the case as every case and cause is different

'The viciousness, anger, and bile you're referring to are the "projections" of the narcissists onto their targets.'

Can you not see the irony in your post?

Horrible toxic people come in all shapes and sizes. Telling grandparents who have an AC in an abusive relationship that they are the reason for not seeing the AC and their GC is down right cruel.

You have no idea about individual situations and lumping everyone together as 'Narcs' is narrow minded.

NanaNancy "And finally painting such a picture that the brainwashed chooses to estrange as they feel justified". That sums up our situation exactly.

It must be incredibly stressful, living your lives "walking on egg shells" because you live in fear of being cut out again. As painful as it is to no longer have our son and GC in our lives, there's a lot to be said for not waiting for 'the sword of Damacles' to fall.

We are fortunate that we moved away and have found peace and happiness in our new home. More fortunate that despite their attempts to do so, our ES and his wife ultimately failed in their attempts to estrange us from our other son.

We are smiling again, less then we used too but smiling all the same. Hence my GN name 'Smile less'.

We only need to see some of the posts that have been on this thread recently to see the anger and bitterness that consumes some of those who have chosen to estrange themselves from their parents.

As was pointed out the other day by another poster, IrishRose I think, you'd expect those that had chosen to go non contact would have at the very least eased the intensity of those emotions.

It's a shame that some who've sought estrangement are either unwilling or unable to post without attacking those who are the victims of this behaviour. Seeing only themselves as victims.

My spouse and I were entirely "cut off" by his adult children for a period of time and have walked on egg shells ever since as there is constant fear of "them" doing this again to us.
I had thought my spouse had "recovered" until just over a year ago, during a family dinner there was a huge disagreement with his children again; and he brought up all the unresolved issues from that time.
It is just a hateful practice. They who do it obviously think they are judge and jury of all things. There was, in our case, one "leader" of the pack but the pack did follow - luckily for us, one broke off, apologized (sort of) and so eventually the others (perhaps more out of fear of being left out) came around, literally.
One of the brainwashing techniques which was not part of this discussion, is the brainwashing which a divorced parent does to a child/adult child. Misrepresenting the "other" parent entirely. And finally painting such a picture that the brainwashed chooses to estrange as they feel very justified. This topic too has been written on, but has very little exposure.
NO matter the case, if you are victim of this practice, you are a victim and not deserving of such behavior. It's heart rendering to learn of how wide spread this has become. It is indeed more indication of the very unrealistic generation of "adults".
And endlessly sad for us who have experienced first hand. Our adult children actually walked out of our wedding, ruining what should have been thee celebration of our new lives. It is not something that can be forgotten. Having a unhappy wedding day caused by someone who wanted power and was determined to make their stand.
Excuse me for such a long message.

@Meercat - I see your point; and I agree that this is unfair to family members and friends who are cut out because of a narcissistic spouse or partner.

However, I don't know enough about this dynamic because that has never been my experience.

My experience has been having an overt narcissistic father and a covert narcissistic mother who terrorized me and my siblings and triangulated us.

My only regret is that I did not go NC sooner. But when one doesn't understand what's happening, one does not make these momentous decisions. It's only when one comes out of the fog and realizes what happened to them can one make such a pivotal decision.

For me, this was the right decision and I've never regretted it. This November will be five years of NC.

@Smileless - And you wonder why you're 'smileless?'?

I've already explained why I keep responding. It seems pretty obvious to me that you're the one who needs their Narcissistic Supply or do you have another reason for always responding to me?

@Smileless2012 - I'll tell you why you keep responding--it's because you need your "Narcissistic Supply;" since those who you used to get it from have all abandoned you. Kudos to them!

But if you don't respond and challenge them that can leave the impression that they have some validation, and as far as your posts are concerned, that really would be ridiculous.

@Smiless2012 - If I found someone's comments to be ridiculous, I wouldn't bother to respond.

Well you're doing it now and have been ever since you began posting on this thread. I don't find your comments insulting, TBH they're too ridiculous to be taken seriously but that's not to say they should go unchallenged.

@Smiless2012 - Backing myself into a corner isn't something I usually do. If you think my comments are insulting, then please reveiw your comments to me, because all I've done is sent them back to you in a different package. Why don't you simply just stop engaging me, then? You're the one who engaged me first.