The Brainwashing Behind Going No Contact

Jake very interesting post and I'm so sorry you have lost contact with your dear adult children I too disinherited my estC, but not my GC. God Bless xx

Yes Luckylegs the law is well overdue to be changed, so this cruelty on Mother & their grandchildren cannot go ahead.

Jake,you seem a very unhappy man. How can your children put things right if you have blocked every way they could try to contact you? I am sure they don't want your money,that doesn't make up for losing their dad.
I have been reading a lot of articles on line just by typing in adult chikdren going no contact, I have never read such a load of tripe. Gave a different perspective thats for sure. Most appear to have severe mental issues that unless they want to get help themselves, no one can help with and these sites are inflaming the situation. Thanks Nina for pointing this out, I only looked at Mumsnet once and was horrified at the way a lot of young mothers spoke of parents they had
disregarded for perceived injustices, the most trivial comment taken out of content, it really shook me the hatred they felt and how it would shape their own children who would bear the brunt of this. I do hope a law is passed where grandparents have the right to see their grandchildren and interact with them, so important for those of you who have very small grandchildren.

Oh, Jake, my heart goes out to you! And I totally agree that if your ac want no contact with you now, they shouldn't expect to have "contact" (i.e get an inheritance from you) when you're gone.

I'm confused about one thing though. If you're the one who blocked them from your social media, deleted their phone numbers, etc. and changed your phone numbers, aren't you the one who went nc? I agree with not trying to contact them if they're not responding. But if they didn't block you on social media, etc., if they left those doors open, why close them?

nina1959 brilliant opening essay on "going no contact" explained so much to me. It allowed me to understand what is going on. I never realized there was such a highly structured program of how to take systematic and total revenge upon one's parent, or parents, online.

I feel stupid for not having realized sooner that there was a larger context here. I thought I was alone, it was just me, and that I was a horrible person. Now I see we disowned parents are up against a mass movement online.

Knowledge is power and now I see it for what it is. In the language of psychological warfare there is a term called "running a program." This involves running a malicious program on a targeted individual designed to psychologically ruin them. The target upon whom a program is run doesn't get to know why this is all happening to them. None of the reasons are explained. This is part of psychological warfare of "going no contact." It may be rooted in the video game culture in which characters are not real and violence is not real. We parents may not be real to kids raised on video games. Perhaps very little, except for their own feelings, is real to these kids who are now cruel and tragic adults.

"Going No Contact" is a PsyOp: It is the deliberate running of a program of enforced cruelty. To justify such cruelty, one's parents must be dehumanized as narcissists or "narcs" as they are derisively called. This is why I suggest that video game culture may be one of the predisposing factors. Of course, one cannot rule out that these kids are simply operating from the premise of Anonymous and 4Chan which hold that cruelty is a virtue and that "none of us can be as cruel as all of us."

Turnabout is fair play: Once I realized my two were running a "going no contact" program on me, I blocked them from all my social media platforms; deleted their phone numbers and other contact info; changed all my phone numbers; and legally disinherited them. I hired a top attorney who made my will quite explicit in disinheriting them.

If I were to die today, they would each lose several million dollars. I am self-made and amassed my wealth over 40 years.

I didn't want it to end this way. I always thought those two would split my estate 50/50. But I cannot in all good conscience reward their long duration mentally cruel behavior. It has been almost ten years of zero contact. I kept reaching periodically until last year. None of my texts, calls, or e-mails were ever acknowledged per the rules of no contact.

I get it now. I understand. It therefore stands to reason that if I am so awful as to be unworthy of any contact, then my money must also be equally awful. In any case, my adult children would be hypocrites to take any inheritance from an evil narc whose deep wounding of them was so horrible. I have no idea of what I did or did not do as they have no contact with me and have never explained -- this again per the rules of no contact. Whatever unspecified things I did or did not do resulted in a permanent lifetime ban.

Even though my mother was a difficult and abusive person, I took care of her, called her weekly, visited often, and paid for her housing in her declining years. My father was a neglectful and distant alcoholic who was a lousy father but I remained a good son until the day he died. I considered that I owed my parents. My adult children consider that they owe me nothing.

Here is the finality of the matter: I will make no efforts whatsoever to contact them for the rest of my days. I fully respect their decision to disconnect from me, and, I fully expect them to respect my decision when they are informed of my passing and of their having been specifically disinherited by name and cut out of my will. This includes their spouses and children.

Thanks maddyone it did but sadly dh and I were very poorly chest infections so,were couple of our friends.

Was good to be with supportive friends after sadness of last weekend and xxx godmother ending our long friendship.

Took my mind offf ed birthday too.

I do hope things settle for you now.

I know lady you mean sadly I think is her d i law very sad.

I could cry when I think of little girls my flesh and blood not allowed to know me but I have to let it go. Not always easy.

And for our grandchildren, who were missing us so much, it can only be good. But it worries me that if it happens again, as it has done to another lady on here, on another thread, then I think that will be very damaging to the children, and that would be terrible for them.

Hope you enjoyed your weekend away celeb and being with other people distracted you a bit.

I think it is true that if you are not estranged you cannot really know the pain. I was estranged/semi-estranged for the best part of a year, and I can only say the pain is terrible. We are in touch again now, thank God, though I feel as if I must walk on eggshells, and I think it can probably never be the same again, for me at least. I try to be normal when I see them, but it’s hard. DH seems to be able to put it the past, bit for me, I’m afraid of it happening again. But I’m counting my blessings, I’m in a much better place than so many of the grandparents on here.

Thanks madgran xx

Celeb

Yes madgran 77nhow can anyone unles they been through the gut wrenching pain of losing someone you gavve life to the most precious gift of all,

Then hurt as most of us have been told is our fault.

I have character assassination and by someone I would have laid down my life for.
It's a cruelty I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Even after 9 years I can't bear to dwell on what I have lost.
It's her birthday on Saturday reason we going away.
Shame I picked up nasty cough but we still going with 2 other couples will cheer us up hopefully

Have good weekend ??everyone

Celeb I agree about non estranged having little idea of the pain. My comment re Norah's position (re sils estranged) was only because I did not want the thread to slip into niggles about accuracy etc. as that is miserable for everyone! Norah my comment about a simplistic view ...it was not meant unkindly, and your awareness of it is to your credit.

MMT, I totally agree that arguing over perceptions won't help and probably would make things worse. That's why I suggested simply apologizing for the things you agree you did wrong and leaving the rest alone for now. But perhaps you're right and apologizing for "the hurt" is more significant. I hope you get a positive result or at the very least, not a terribly negative one. Also, I hope that your renewed communication continues and gets more positive as time goes on. Baby steps.

Sallywally, my heart goes out to you! (((Hugs)))

Thanks, Celebgran, I never thought anything to being estranged until I learnt it here. someone said I have a simplistic view. i suppose I do, shared by most who are not egps. I think being egp sounds sad and upsetting. It sounds wise indeed to save cards to the boxes for a few years more.

I would not pry or talk to such with my dds about sils choices. I do what they ask, they know their life and children best.

Madgran one of Norah's s i law was estranged before they met. It does seem like she means well but unfortunately unless you are unfortunate enough to be estranged as we can all confirm I think lucklegs, smilless, yogagirl Sally
Rhinestone etc etc sorry memory run out you will have no idea of the pain and suffering.

Thanks Norah for your kind advice to me, however, and I am glad you are not estranged,

Sally Wally I can totally relate to your gut wrenching pain after 9 years thenedve does wear off but I sincerely hope you may be reconciled before then,

We too never had photos so cruel just a few snatched ones friends passed on and in first case my son asked her to text him some.
Now he won't even mention her name. So very sad how family gets broken up. However life does move on and we had wonderful family Xmas with our son.

I don't think it helped that xxxx godparents interfered a lot and went behnd our back writing to ed.
They never actually supported us or tried to help only themselves. They have no kids so their godchildren are everything.
Theyneven tried to arrange go see our son behind our back last Xmas but his partner told them to run it past us, and they never mentioned it! Weird!

Sally intoo so feel for you sometimes it's hard to understand how anyone wants to hurt a parent or indeed a friend.

No lucklegs no reason except we triggered it by being ill after she cooked dinner, tharmwasnt mentioned but I think as maddyone says after couple days grieving we will survive she not been closest friend albeit oldest one,

Still been awful day.

MesMopTop

Norah has said many many times that at least 2 (I think) of her sons in law had CO from their parents before they met their wives (Norahs daughters) I am pointing this out because I would hate the thread to run into arguments again about accuracy etc. Norah I do find your view of CO somewhat simplistic ....but not sure if I'm being unfair.

Sallywally, so sorry for your pain. I hope you and your husband are making the most of the life you two have, understand getting so low that nothing is worth it sometimes, but it is, you have each other which is what you had before your daughter.
Celeb, did your friends give you a reason for breaking the friendship? She must be quite hard treating you like that.
MesMoppTop,mgood luck, seems as if you and daughter are on a better footing.
Please note: I have checked for typing errors and couldn't see one. Phew!

Sally I am so terrible sorry for what your D has put you through I just do not know how our once loving children can do this cruel thing to their mothers & fathers.

Thanks maddyone you are so kind and considerate.
I am v tearful today it was horrible thing to hear. Especially as your u say after all our efforts,

I guess despite length of friendship with friends like that who needs enemies,

I have marvellous husband and some more genuine friends so guess I will survive,

Had nice chat with my son bless him who. NEver actually liked them and he said it's their loss bless him.

Just been visit xxxxx our elderly neibor 93 who was sent home from hospital thank Goodness her cleaner has tidied up so well, and she seems lot better.

Mrs metop you are so like me I would be repeated to jump through hoops and take blame even if wasn't me.
I miss her so.

I agree with you Rosy and think the same re; how could your d.i.l's mother not think of you and the pain of not seeing your DGD. There seems to be some cruel, unfeeling women in this world! As I've said, if my now estD had said to me she was CO her in-laws, I would have pulled her up and told her not to be cruel and to let them see the C, even with my GD not being theirs/no blood relative.

Smileless do you still see your d.i.l's parents? As they were first your friends, before your AC got together, you would think she would at least speak up for you, but maybe she has.

Starlady Norah only has an easy going attitude because she's not CO and knows she never will be with her 4D's COing all their m.i.ls, their not going to do it to their mum too. Again, not having a go at you Norah just saying.

So many truly sad, worse than sad, heartbreaking stories on here today. So many grandparents denied contact, so many grandchildren denied their right. How can parents deny their children their right to have a precious relationship with their grandparents? I'm not speaking here of abusive grandparents, or those who take drugs or are alcoholic or whatever. I'm not meaning grandparents like flumps MiL, who behaved appallingly towards her and her husband, I just mean ordinary grandparents who would offer so much to their grandchildren.
celeb so sorry to hear that despite everything you have done, your daughter's GPs have ended your friendship. Let yourself grieve a little for a day or two, then move on with your life. You are a strong woman, everything life has thrown at you, and you keep smiling.