How do I forget they exist?

The feeling that someone's died even though they haven't is why estrangement if often described as a living bereavement LeeElizabeth.

The silence is deafening and heartbreaking but sometimes preferable to angry and hurtful conversations.

It feels like someone died only they are still there. They just don't want to talk to you. I'm regretting all the times I got so frustrated that I wished I wasn't a Mom. That wish was granted and I miss my daughter.

Wow Sandmb ...I've never heard of a Gparent actually getting a result in their favour from the courts before!

How wonderful for you all!
Are the gchildren coping with the arrangements ok?

If you don't mind telling what were the circumstances?

I think you should put this on a legal footing and get a child arrangement order so you can have regular access on regular days not having to beg for times to see him. He’s very important to you and you are important to him and both deserve to be part of each other’s life. It’s not an easy decision but you need to fight to see him as you will never forgive yourself if you walk away. I know where your coming from as I’m in a similar situation where my daughter and husband just got up and left taking their 5 children and then not letting me see/talk/text so I tool them to court without a solicitor with tge aid of McKenzie friend and I’ve now got regular access and phone call with the ultimate being 1/2 the holidays but they knew I fought for them. Think seriously about doing it cos it will be worth it in the end. I’m here if you want to talk or help

Hugs, hopefull!

hopefull…...I cannot say anything better than smileless has, just that I'm sorry this is happening to you.

for you hopefull it's good to hear that you are having some positive thoughts for the future.

It is a long journey, a journey that will last a life time and there will come a time when you'll do what me and Mr. S. have done. You'll look back to those first years and wonder how on earth you managed to get through it, because you will get through x.

Smileless I think you've hit the nail on the head as to why I get random nastiness. Today is a better day with more positive thoughts for the future, it's going to be a long journey but reassured that others have managed it too. Thank you.

Good points, Smileless!

I wouldn't accept abusuve messages from anyone. I would tell the person sending them to grow up and you would not receive anymore. Then block them. Any abusuve return to sender.
Starting again, can be empowering. Spoil yourself if you can, have a look at your wardrobe and update it, have your hair done and join a class or group. I joined a local walking group. You had a life before children, you can again. It's hard being rejected by anyone, but your own child, you never expect that. It's more common than you think, but not talked about. Stop trying to find a reason or rerunning every conversation to find out what you could have said or done to justify them cutting you off, there is no justification, if there's a problem, you are grown up and discuss it. Let them have their freedom, gc might old day contact you. Your child might when they stop pressing your buttons. I could never treat anyone as badly.

Yes hopeful1 in your situation, as things currently stand I wouldn't have her as next of kin. I'm glad you've blocked every way of communication for your own well being.

Starting a new life, well you've already begun by cutting off the oxygen supply that enables your D to be so cruel. It takes time to begin to heal and accept that your relationship is over, so take each day as it comes.

Allow yourself to weep when you need too without self recriminations, it's a part of the healing process and it really is 'better out than in'.

We eventually moved but had we not, I was thinking of a bit of redecorating, moving furniture around. Small things to make our home look and feel different. Not quite a blank page on which to begin writing the next chapter of our lives but a good start.

Moving is an enormous undertaking especially when there's so much upset going on. It really was the best thing we could have done but they were living very close, too close just 15 doors away.

Now that you've stopped the nasty messages you've removed that particular area of stress and your life will gradually settle down.

Perhaps the cruel content of random emails, texts etc shows the cause of the estrangement; the nastiness of the estranging AC Starlady.

They go non contact because they want no contact which in itself is cruel, but for some that's not enough so they have to keep picking away at it and are unable to let it heal.

Despite this being what they want, maybe it hasn't given them what they thought they wanted and needed. Maybe they are unable to heal from estranging themselves from their parents and want to make sure their parents can't heal either.

By the way.. my daughter is my next of kin... would you change that?

Peony, you make a lot of sense. If you reread, however, you'll see the OP isn't fully CO. She still gets to see her GC though she always has to initiate the contact, ask to see them and is never invited, etc. She could contact her D to arrange the visits with the GC, but chooses not to. Still, D lets her see them by contacting SIL instead. I can see where these in between cases can be harder for some than full estrangement.

Hopefully - Hugs!

It always surprised me, though, when I hear about this random contact via nasty emails, etc. As I understand it, according to the "script," one is supposed to go fully NC, no occasional emails, texts, etc. Why, I wonder, do some AC break that "rule" just to send hurtful messages? And do the messages give any hint of what caused the estrangement?

Peonyrose. Your comment makes sense. Just had another black weekend feeling sorry for myself and crying a zillion tears. This morning, out of the blue, I get an abusive text reminding me how crap I am. Have now blocked every way of communication, I just cannot take anymore random contacts, non of which resolve anything, the messages are aimed at twisting the knife so to speak. Now to start a new life.... any suggestions?, I feel like I'm stuck in mud and cannot think how to get out of it.

The post how can I forget they exist? . Well you never will. You can however, after trying all you can to reconcile, stand back and try to make a different life without every thought being about the estrangement, as however much you fret and worry and make yourself ill won't alter it, it eventually drives other people away as they can't cope with the intensity of it. There are so many people suffering estrangement, it is mind blowingly awful, a thread like this where there is that one common bond, rejection, is sp helpful, all in the same boat. Good luck.

I know, Namsnanny, but sometimes posters say that and then stick around or return.

Star lady...jemz left about 2 pages back! She said she had enough if the negative comments!!

JEMz, are you still here?

"No need, however, for others to follow suit when responding- There are plenty of other words to choose from when offering support- Repeating the meanness invites more-"

Points taken, rosecarmel.

The above was in reply to rosecarmel

Sorry your words just seem like a stream of consciousness rather than a conversation with a beginning a debate and a conclusion.

Never mind wouldn't do for us all to be the same.

Namsnanny, or course she or anyone can comment! I simply don't buy into what one member says about another member- People can speak for themselves- If they choose to -

What does it matter to you that it matters me? Hahaha!

I think enough about loving but not liking has been said -- let it digest, yes?

Love is always there, Namsnanny- In good times and in bad- No matter what arises- You can be sure of that-

Yes, Starlady- Here instead of face to face would be the lesser of two evils for someone to choose from it they felt compelled to have to use name calling to get their point across- No need, however, for others to follow suit when responding- There are plenty of other words to choose from when offering support- Repeating the meanness invites more-

Thank you, Smileless.

Rosecarmel, I definitely don't like name-calling and don't think it's very productive. In fact, as Smileless indicated, I think we can report name-calling though that might only be if a member here name-calls another member (IDK, I'd have to revisit the rules). I'm not crazy about if a member calls their relative or IL a nasty name. But for some people, that's part of venting, I think. On sites like these, where people are talking about sensitive parent/AC or PIL/CCIL issues, I think we have to expect that sometimes we're going to hear some very unpleasant comments about their DIL/DD/MIL/whoever. And maybe it's better here than if they say it to the person's face?

Rosecaarmel...I’m missing your point I think!
I’m sorry but to me it looks like just be a stream of words that don’t amount to a conclusion.
Why can’t smile less comment? Why does it matter that others use name calling so long as we/you don’t?
Why is it that having the honesty to say I don’t like my sons behaviour towards me but I still love him, showing anything but REAL love?

Many would say loving someone in the good times is easy....try loving them when things are bad, that’s where true love lies I believe.