Child arrangement court order

I’m sorry to see you go*razz*. I wish you well. Thank you for your perspectives and insights

Best wishes to you too Razz.

Anyway, I am back at work tomorrow and I don't think I will be back here because I feel quite persecuted by some members. I feel like I am being held to high standards of perfect behaviour that others aren't. I feel like I am not defended if treated unfairly like other members are. Commenting here has been a mixed bag and I have had some lovely support, but some of that support has been tarnished. It's making me deeply unhappy. I wish you all the best for the future.

Non ie a fake apology would be if I was sorry "if," my comment hurt you, I was sorry "that" it hurt you and both comments were together. I never inteded to hurt you, but I can see I did.

Smile I don't remember seeing that sorry, sometimes not all the comments appear. It is Cafcass I have come across.

You see it again and again in real life and on here:

The daughters are expected to carry the care burden of elderly relatives whereas the sons (not all!!) Swoop in now and then and get praised for it.

Women who dont do it get harshly judged. Men are allowed to be too "busy".

Nobody should take on care duties out of "duty". Only out of love. And if the family was never loving to start with, the AC who walk away shouldnt be harshly judged. (The sons usually arent anyway)

People used to say the same about women who divorced Nonnie

And lets face it, in many families the duty of keeping in contact and caring for elder members still falls to women, and it is the women who usually get the blame for estrangements

Hithere Sat 31-Aug-19 23:05:38

"I feel bad for gp if their son is uninterested in having a relationship with the gc (the son of their son)
If it was my son, I would be ashamed of him. No good parent abandons their child(ren)"

I think I agree, can't think of any situation when I would abandon mine but then I don't have any issues with mine so probably don't fully understand. I would also like to turn that round and say that 'no good child would abandon their parent'. I think it works both ways.

Razz your first response was one of those apologies that is actually not an apology. Thank you for the second one which I accept.

Summerloves example is not unlikely it happened to a friend too but she won.

We live in an area where unforyunately it takes 2 salaries to rent. He changed his mind about fatherhood very late in the day and left her high and dry, her parents were paying half her rent so she decided to move to her home town with the baby where she could afford a home for her and baby on her salary.

Fine. Father didnt care
Till GPs got behind him
Mediator was awful: wanted mum to agree to send breastfed baby for overnight stays with a father who had previously shown no interest.

Went to court. She won. She moved in the end, but took months and cost her family a fortune

But was driven by the GPs!

The only way of knowing for certain if a father fought for contact with his children because his P's wanted to remain in contact with his children, is if a father said that was the only reason.

In the majority of cases joint custody is awarded at the time of the divorce and if the parents can't agree on a division of time, the judge will. Once the ruling is made it would only be necessary for one of the parents to go back to court if the other were deliberately blocking their access to their children.

I wonder what would have happened in the example you gave Summerlove if the mother had challenged the father's change of mind in court? We are all aware I'm sure of how difficult it can be to get a father to pay the child support he's been ordered to by the court, like getting blood out of a stone in some cases, but it is a legal not to mention moral obligation and a father refusing to make payment is breaking the law.

If she didn't go back to court it may have been an opportunity missed as the children had been settled into their new home and school. I'd like to think that any judge would question the sense in up rooting the children again just because the father had changed his mind. Especially as the mother would have testified that the father was taking no interest in them.

You might have missed it Razz but I asked you the name of the organisation going into schools to talk to children whose parents are going through a divorce. I've not come across this before so am interested to know.

Razz, the father would have had parenting time, or I’m sure they could have asked exDil. Either way, I’m sure she now doesn’t go out of her way for them.

Nam you have lost me. Are you saying I should not have added to the discussion what I read about grandparents getting aceess through their child who did not want to be a parent?

Razzmatazz123... I think you've unintentionally illustrated my earlier point quite well.

Which was, is there any merit in hurting peoples feelings by misquoting spurious, unsubstantiated, or exaggerated and bias stories, containing for the most part hearsay?

I have my thoughts on the subject, but what do others think?

It would put them in an awkward position between their child and his child and mother wouldn't it?

I get that some people don't want children but, men often don't take responsibility for the contraception which if they weren't morally bankrupt should mean they take care of the result.

In this case I’m not sure if the grandparents couldnt have had contact. Children still would have been visiting our city often.

Apparently it just wasn’t enough?

I’d be ashamed of my child as well. However I wouldn’t put my grandchildren through two large moves in a few months, forcing them to not have their own space.

I feel they behaved shamefully

I'd be ashamed too Hithere and don't agree GP's should use the father of their GC to gain access. It's a shame that they can't have contact despite their son's shameful behaviour.

I feel bad for gp if their son is uninterested in having a relationship with the gc (the son of their son)
If it was my son, I would be ashamed of him. No good parent abandons their child(ren)

I still think using the father to have access to the gc is not the way to go

He does. I don’t know if they tried for access on their own and lost, or if they just went straight through him

But his poor ex wife has gone through hell, and so have the kids

Sounds as if the father has stayed uninterested if he gives all of his parenting time to his parents.

He is.

And so are his parents. Apple didn’t fall far enough from that tree. They’d have you convinced they were so hard done by by exdil

Poor kids would have been better off if their father had stayed uninterested

He sounds a real piece of work Summerlove.

Why do it? Depends on what your parents are holding over your head as either a stick or a carrot

Smile, how do people know this happens? In small communities people talk. A lot.

It does seem extremely unlikely, there's the cost of going to court for a start which I suppose the GP's could cover but doing so for your parents when you couldn't be bothered to do it for yourself doesn't make a lot of sense.