Child arrangement court order

Hi yes I went to court for a child arrangement order for my 5 grandchildren and I won. It’s becoming so common now now so don’t postpone going to court it’s always worth fighting to see your grandchildren. My only issue was paying for a solicitor so I did it myself with the aid of a McKenzie friend that assisted with forms,statements and attending court with you for a fraction of the cost which iOS why I qualified in becoming a McKenzie friend to help others in similar situations. I’m here if you want to talk of help

Hey Nonnie,
Don't worry about me hon.
Thanks for your concern though.
It wasn't an 'education' I wanted to have but I certainly don't believe that all people are selfish or have an agenda.

Happy Saturday night
Painting

I feel very sorry for you 'painting' you have cut yourself off from so many people and now you cannot even trust someone to buy you a meal without wondering if they have an agenda. Please believe me, there are lovely people in the world who only want to help and do not expect anything in return. I met a wonderful dil yesterday who I had heard a lot about, she supported her mil through PD right up to the end and has since supported her fil and bil. Yesterday was her fil's funeral, which she had arranged, and she went round speaking to everyone there. She was kindness itself and I don't think she would ever expect anything in return. She doesn't even live near them. I really believe she has no agenda and is just a lovely person.

and by the way, when I say someone taking us out to lunch I have no intention of them paying for it. Part of the problem. Relatives paying for stuff and then expecting to get something back. Non one does that sort of dysfunctional transaction in my book.

Thank you both. I am completely certain this is not a situation that anyone would have done by choice. Years back my own parents now deceased...I valued them as GPs and every single week my babes went there and I took her there.

Circumstances changed.
painting

Unhappy1, I hope so. I believe children belong with their parents (unless abusive) and up to their parents to make rules. The happy ending would be dismissing the case against not abusive parents.

I've been thinking about your first post painting and how strange life can be; not that I need to tell you.

We've been estranged from our son and only GC for almost 7 years. About 2.5 years ago our ES unexpectedly went to see his paternal GM who he'd had no contact with for more than 4 years.

Our second GC had been born and would have been getting on for 2 years old. He told his GM that they'd not had a decent nights sleep for 5 years (since the birth of our eldest GC), because they didn't have any family support.

Why would they, when they'd cut out his side of the family, the side that would have been there for them whenever they needed help!!

Your posts really struck me. You've made a life for you and your D, have missed I think the support that should have made life so much easier, but can see that for you and your D you did the right thing.

there are many surprises nn.
mediation does not work for many people.

I wonder if, really anyone can imagine such an arrangement from the parents point of view. Parenting is a hard job, and as well as working, parents (although they often dont' get it) are entitled to rest, relaxation and being with their friends,
I can't see how such an arrangement allows for this.
It certainly wouldn't in my life.

And for some people the reality of abuse in the family is just too much to take. I can understand this. It almost was for me. But I came through it and

the organisation Stand Alone is brilliant. Just google it they have support groups. Family estrangement is more common than people think.
all best
painting

Smileless. Thanks again. Yes, stability I have provided.
Defininitely. Working on being proud of myself.
all best
painting

smileless, thanks
Don't want this thread to turn into 'all about me' obviously...

Nonnie. Good question.
Many people don't realise or don't want to accept there is an abusive person in the family. I am not alone in my situation. It is a very hard thing to face, but if you listen to people who have been through what I have been through you will find, unfortunately , it is very common. Some people live in denial.

We started a new and better life. Most important thing.

painting why are you estranged from both sides of the family?

paintingthetownred. Sounds as if you've done incredibly well in very difficult circumstances. You should be proud of the life and stability you've provided for your D; I hope you are.

And by the way, some of the people I am talking about haven't sent presnts or cards in the last ten years. So well done for being so thoughtful and caring about that. Wish you were my daughter's grandma.

Minshy and Flying Solo.
Can relate to this unhappiness too. Although from a different perspective. I had to leave my ex husband and travel a great distance. I experienced his birth family to be abusive and controlling.

I know I made the right decision, many years later my child (young person) is doing brilliantly and we have a different kind of household and existence.

I am though, estranged from my own birth family and his. This has been difficult. They always blamed me for the situation and never saw things from a mother's point of view.

In the end parental responsibility lies with the parent. This is a very hard thing to say, but if relatives aren't prepared to see and understand how I and my daughter live...then any contact will come across and be experienced as detrimental.

Life in austerity Britain can be very hard for a single parent, or a parent in general. As a previous poster has said, I have a hard time juggling contact with her dad, all the things which a teenager needs and wants to do. School dates. GCSEs etc. Opportunities which are offered to her and she wants to take up. As well as rest and recuperation. I would say that amongst all that, daughter and I don't actually get much quality time between ourselves.

I sometimes think that if a relative were to turn up, offer to take us out to the beach and lunch it would be great. But ver little some people in extended family have done has been supportive. From my point of view. And I am at fault according to them. Yet my daughter is doing brilliantly.

You would think at this point they would be accepting that I have had some hard decisions to make, and that I've got it right. No chance.

I too feel the pain of estrangement. But I'm not going to apologise to any of them for being a great (older) mum.

I came across a website called Stand Alone. A charity offering help for people estranged from their families.

Hope in posting this I haven't offended anyone. I am sorry for your situation and do understand that family estrangment is not often spoken about and is in fact very common.

Interesting posts Starlady.

When I see a baby of about 8 months of age, I'm sometimes transported back to the last time we saw our eldest GC as he was that age the last time we saw him.

Buying birthday and Christmas cards serves as a reminder that our GC are growing up. We look for cards with their age on for birthdays and Christmas cards purchased are age appropriate.

"One of our kids GPs does this a bit to a lesser extent. We do see them but theyre full of "oh if you'ld been here last week I could have taken you to the festival in the village.."

My MIL did this, too. And yes, usually it was about something she and FIL would never have done, LOL!

So I get your point about the cards in the memory box. And I imagine some EGPs save them in that spiteful spirit, and I'm sorry about that. But I believe many EGPs just do it as a way of saying, "I never forgot you, I was thinking about you all the time."

Not speaking of anyone here, but IMO, some EAC/ECIL tend to think that, somehow, the EGPs are frozen in time, at least as far as relating to the GC is concerned. IMO, they need to realize that they aren't, that they could be keeping memory boxes, journals, etc.

And yes, I agree w/ Twenty, IF they think there may be anything emotionally harmful in those boxes or journals, etc., IMO, they need to caution their kids (at any appropriate age) about them.

Thank you, Smileless. I enjoy your posts, too.

notanan I would hope not, surely it would all have been discussed in mediation? I have been told that in the family courts each party has to submit their case to the court and to the other party so surely there would not be many surprises?

I expect theres a lot of problems that went unsaid that have to get dragged up in a court case. There will be unpleasant stuff both sides hears for the first time in most cases I expect!

No I can see that it doesn't prove it was a lie but then again it doesn't prove that it wasn't. The poster who relayed the incident said it was and that's the only information we have to go on.

My grandfather used to drive me places.

I told my parents how unsafe I felt driving with him. But because I was a child they thought they knew best. One day they saw how poorly he drove. After that I wasn’t allowed to drive with him anymore.

It could be a situation like that

OR they could be lying

Sounds logical to me.

Things can be "not quite right" but you tolerate them until it comes to a head. Then you may look back and think "yeah! That was a mistake" (re letting them drive)

Dont see how it proves lying at all TBH

when it wasn't mentioned ...