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Estrangement

My 1st Birthday with no contact from daughter

(14 Posts)
hopeful1 Sat 28-Sep-19 19:13:45

Yesterday was my birthday, feel so alone and tbh very sorry for myself. No cards, no messages, nothing including nothing from grandchildren How on earth am I going to get over this? In bed from 5 seemed the only option.... but today it's even worse. Feel so depressed and isolated and just havent the energy to do anything.

lemongrove Sat 28-Sep-19 19:18:24

Sorry to hear that hopefull estrangement is a terrible thing and there seems to be so much of it about now.
Significant days make it so much worse.Am sure there will be other posters on here soon, who have the same situation and can advise you.Meanwhile, Happy Birthday for yesterday.
flowers

Peonyrose Sat 28-Sep-19 19:19:45

I am so sorry Hopeful. Is there any chance of a reconcilliation? If not, really try and make an effort to go out each day and talk to someone. You will just feel even worse if you isolate yourself, volunteer anything to get out.
There are others on the estrangements thread who know just how you feel and you can get support. You are not alone.💐

hopeful1 Sat 28-Sep-19 19:28:04

I have tried so hard for a reconciliation but my daughter is adamant she and family will not communicate again. Everything went downhill when my husband died.. . Apparently the wrong one went first! I dont seem to be as able to say the right things as he did and I havent the money to help her out either. Just useless. I met a new man and she hated him and so the abuse from her started. I cant do right I her eyes.

Pantglas2 Sat 28-Sep-19 19:32:14

Sorry to hear hopeful1 about your birthday with no contact from your daughter and grandchildren for the first time. I know how that feels and hurts so be kind to yourself over the next few days.

For me it was the first of many, each as hard as the previous one but let me tell you not to lose hope that things will come right in the end. Eventually we began to reconcile and I can’t describe the joy I felt when I received a text early on my birthday saying Happy Birthday Mam.

Stay hopeful and in the meantime fill your life with good things and people flowers

BlueBelle Sat 28-Sep-19 20:41:26

Oh dear that’s so sad and I m sorry for this happening hopefull I hope you got cards and good wishes off friends and what about the new man that started all this off hopefully he’s still with you and remembered It’s awful to be forgotten
Do try and make a life with friends and never give up hope one day it may happen Is she you’re only child?
💐

Sussexborn Sat 28-Sep-19 20:57:23

Sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Were you hoping that your daughter would soften on your birthday? You can’t let your daughter control your life. My best friend’s widower had this problem but stuck with his new partner. They eventually married and are living a full and happy life. My friend would never have wanted him to be alone forever more. The children did come round eventually but it took a year or two and a lot of patience.

dazz Thu 03-Oct-19 14:14:23

im so sorry for you. please know you are not alone. this estrangement is happening to many of us. its even harder if you have no husband or partner. my little granddaughter is 8 and I've had continuous problems with her mum which affects my getting to see my granddaughter. ive been left out of Christmas's birthdays school events , the lot. It has affected my health very much and I have little or no confidence in the future. Its a very lonely place to be and I feel for you . prayers and good wishes towards you.

pinkquartz Thu 03-Oct-19 14:19:53

I am sorry you are hurting so much OP.

I doubt it is anything you have done wrong......but you must take of yourself now.
Join a club, get out and make new friends.
make the most of the life you do have.

It is highly likely that your DD will come around in the fiuture. DO not contact her first.
let her stew and work out for herself that she needs you in her life.
I hope things do recover sooner for you but meanwhile do things you might enjoy.

NannyKisses Fri 04-Oct-19 16:39:48

Oh HOPEFULL. My heart goes out to you. I have been in your situation on & off for many years. The pain is indescribable, I felt physical pain ( i believe you can die from heartbreak & Drs have backed that up). I feel so lonely & hollow inside. So depressed to the point of wondering what’s the point of going on. Grandparents in my area Grandparents Support Group have actually taken their own life’s.
I have loved my Daughter unconditionally even though she has hurt me so many times emotionally & physically when she was a teenager I was scared of her. Iv been laying in an hospital bed waiting to go down for emergency surgery on mother’s day & saw her wishing my good friends, friends that are like Aunties to her as she has known them most of her life. Well she was wishing them Happy Mother’s Day, saying that she wished they were her mother & how much she loved them. She knew I saw these posts, she also knew I was scared shitless ( excuse the swearing) about my operation but she didn’t care at all. I even hoped that I wouldn’t wake up from surgery, as the pain she was putting me through was unbearable. To make matters even worse her Father receives Birthday Cards & Fathersday cards even though he was an awful dad who had no time for her as a child & began starting to groom her when she was a teenager, she told me straight away & even though she had been an awful teenager who had lied to me about so many things & hit & stoke from me I believed her before I even listened secretly to what he was saying over the phone to her. He told his family she was lieing & all but one Aunt & Uncle believe d him & turned their back on her for 7 years. Yet she has visited him sent cards &!forgiven him. Yet me apparently I was a terrible mum. Obviously I wasn’t a perfect mother I done my very best for her. I worked hard I had a good job & she never went without anything she wanted ( I think I was trying to make it up to her because her father was a shit careless perverted sick excuse of a man) I gave her lots of my time my love & most of my money. He’s allowed to see the granddaughters yet on & off her & her Husband stop me being able to see my Granddaughters. My Granddaughters adore me as I do them, they use them as pawns to hurt me. Life is so cruel at times. I have found this site very helpful & supportive so keep talking & letting us all support each other. Thinking of you xx

Starlady Fri 04-Oct-19 20:23:57

Hugs, hopeful! I am so sorry. It sounds as if your ED (estranged daughter) has not come to terms w/ the loss of her father or your finding a new man. I agree w/ those who say she may just need more time, and that you should back off and wait for her to reach out to you. If, sadly, she doesn't, perhaps, someday, one of the GC will.

I hope things are working out w/ that new man and he's a comfort to you. I hope you and he do something special for your birthday, also. Regardless, I know it hurts that ED didn't acknowledge it, but please don't expect that from now on. If/when she or one of the GC does wish you a Happy Birthday or sends you a holiday greeting, you will be that much more delighted. Hugs, again!

Smileless2012 Sat 05-Oct-19 12:21:54

NannyKissesflowers to say I'm sorry for all that your D has put you through, and continues to put you through is woefully inadequate.

I hope one day that you'll be able to begin to heal from the pain and suffering that she's inflicted on you. We can waste so much of our time and our lives, trying to make sense of something that makes no sense at all.

As you had a relationship with your GD's there may come a time when they're old enough that they'll seek you out and you'll have them back in your life. I do hope so, it'll be some time before that can happen but it is something you can realistically hope for.

The love that we have for our EAC never dies, but nonetheless for some, there comes a time when we realise that we are better without them, and the pain they bring into our lives.

We have come to this realisation; the pain remains but we have found peace and happiness and I hope that you'll be able to do so.

Starlady Sun 06-Oct-19 00:48:18

Nanny, I'm deeply sorry about your situation, too. It sounds as if there was a lot of drama in your lives due to her dad. I'm not sure how you know she has forgiven him or sends him cards, etc. Regardless, I take if she pushes you away on and off. IOWs, you're not totally estranged. But I realize that can be painful in its own way since you may never be sure when you're going to be CO (cut off0 again.

The good news is that you've developed enough of a relationship w/ your GDs that they love you, and as Smileless suggests they may seek you out when they are old enough. Then you may be able to see each other when you choose and not have to depend on their parents' approval. Please take heart in that thought and don;t give up hope. I'm glad this site has helped you and I hope you continue to reach out here.

Hithere Sun 06-Oct-19 05:51:49

Please do something nice for your birthday.
Go to your favourite restaurant, get a new piece of clothing, etc.

Life is too short to waste it. You deserve to enjoy it