*SUPPORT* for all who are living with estrangement

Thanks, Smileless! And glad Mr.S. is doing ok!

FS, I don't think you should blame yourself for being kind and loving, especially to a young woman who seemed so emotionally needy. Either she tricked you, as you suspect, or she eventually began viewing you the same way she views her own mum (though no fault of your own). So sorry!

Thanks hugshelp I'll pass your message onto Mr. S..

Great to hear smiles
Get well soon Mr S

District nurse has been and all's well. It's the stitches that are pulling and they should be gone by Friday; fingers crossed.

Thanks PF how are you and Mr. PF doing?x

I hope all goes well for Mr S!

Thanks hugshelp I'll let you know

Fingers crossed that all goes well with the nurse smiless

I've re charged my batteries hughelp and after I've taken the dogs out for the second time this morning, I'll start round 2.

His wound's giving him discomfort but I think that's because the stitches are beginning to pull. The district nurse is coming to change the dressing tomorrow.

I'm a little bit worried that he may have an infection because he's very prone to them. Every time he had a biopsy he ended up with an infection. I haven't said anything to him and will be relieved when the district nurse changes his dressing, and hopefully all is well.

Oh the number of times I start a job and my batteries run out halfway through smileless - so frustrating. I usually think, 'why did I start this?' but when I eventually finish it's a good moment.

Glad to hear Mr S is doing well.

Sparkling, was that reply to me?

However much you worry and chew it all over, it's out if your hands.,if you can let it be for 6 months orva year things might well alter. Let's hope so.

Glad I'm not the only one Madgran. A couple of things were put away when we moved in over 3 years ago!!!

I couldnt believe how many out of dates I found when doing the same! But the very worst was our car first aid kit that has been transferred from one boot to another boot over the years without being used! Recently Mr Madgran received a car first aid kit pack as a free gift when buying other car stuff. He decided to use that in the car and get out our old "homemade" one. Paracetamol and aspirin from 1980!!! Vicks Vapour rub and Lemsips from 1982!! Hmmmm!!!

DS's birthday today, tried twice to facetime but he didn't pick up so hopefully he was out celebrating.

Had a moment of madness and decided to clean out my kitchen cupboards. Just over half way and too tired to do anymore, well it is a big kitchen.

Ashamed to say there was rather a lot of out of date items; must do better.

I know, there's enough to do with Mr. S. in recovery mode well I did say it was a moment of madness.

He's doing really well. Just having a before taking the dogs out and thought I'd pop in and say hello to you all.

Hope you're having a good weekend.

Yes it is deliberate and it's no coincidence that there are so many similarities when we look at what lies behind our estrangements.

It's deliberate isn't it? I think despite her young age she knew what she was doing. I am convinced of it. I was talking to a man who had been in an abusive relationship. He was telling me his girlfriend had done just the same to his mum. Maybe not only should our young people be taught about emotional abuse but us women should be taught to be careful if a son's girlfriend seems over the top loving towards us on first meeting us.

You and me both. If I hadn't been friends with ES's m.i.l. they'd never have met. I didn't teach him about emotional abuse because I'd never experienced it and never dreamed he would.

She'd throw her arms around me, tell me she loved me and wished I was her mum. She told me she used to be jealous of my relationship with our ES because she didn't know that's how parent/child relationships could and should be, and she was no longer jealous. I believed her.

I was duped, just like you were but that isn't my fault and it isn't yours FS please believe that, it isn't your fault.

I know what I could have done. I encouraged him to take part in something which is where he met her. If I turned back the clock I wouldn't have ever mentioned to him that he might want to take part in that thing. They would never have met if it wasn't for that. Also I could have taught him about emotional abuse and I didn't because I didn't want to tell him what had happened to me and I wanted to protect someone's memory. And I was too nice to her. I was so determined to like her because mother in laws have this reputation, don't they, so I kept quiet and bit my tongue and let her say things that I really shouldn't and I fell for her act towards me in the very beginning. All desperate for my love and affection, throwing her arms around me, constant messages to me of how unwanted she had always felt her whole life and how absolutely wonderful/amazing/marvellous I was and how much respect she had for me. What a fool I was.

You'll find a way FS. Sometimes the harder we look, the less we see. You can't fight it and you can't change it, not on your own because they have to want to change it too.

You're right, we can't turn back time and if we could, what could we realistically have done that would have changed the outcome.

I know it's really hard for you, we all understand. It's early days and they're the hardest. I wish there was something else I could say.

I wish I could see a way back from this but I truly can't. I feel like whatever happens now this can't truly ever be ok and moved on from. There seems to be no possible good outcome because nobody can turn back time. I mean if you asked me what I want to happen in an ideal world about this now I would have no answer

FDIL means future d.i.l. FS.

Your posts are always so kind and thoughtful Starlady.

"Little did I know" I second that hugshelp.

I began to miss him even before he estranged us, it just wasn't the same anymore.

I hadn't even thought about how true that was for us until I read that. For us, it was when our son got new friends at college and university and a girlfriend. DH said, 'we were never good enough after that'. (the friends and gf were very posh - we're not). I don't know if that is what was going on but I do know I began to miss him acutely.
Little did I know...

Starlady, what does FDIL mean?

I haven't made or attempted to make any contact with him since new years day.

Kudos on getting the PC going, hugshelp!

FS, it may hurt to hear this, but I think you may do well with some space from your son and FDIL right now. I know you love him, but, IMO, you shouldn't be around people who steal from you/whom you can't trust.

Beyond that, I think it's normal, ladies, for parent/AC relationships to change somewhat after the AC gets married or develops a serious relationship. I'm no stranger to that. DD seemed to have less time for long conversations w/ me (yes, we had them, too) after she got married and even less time after she had kids. Not only was she busier, but I imagine any long conversations were now w/ SIL, focused on their needs, hopes, concerns, etc. instead of w/ me. No doubt, it can be a little sad for us parents, we miss the closeness, etc. But I think most of us are also happy for our AC that they have found love and started a family of their own, etc.

But when a parent/AC relationship changes to the point of NC or even VLC (very low contact), as has happened to some of you here, no doubt, that is very sad. My heart goes out to all of you once again.