*SUPPORT* for all who are living with estrangement

It brings home to you the pain and finality of estrangement Starlady.

Thanks Namsnanny, hugshelp and PF. It's amazing how much difference it makes getting so much support from people you've never met.

How's Mr. PF doing? Are you going to see your D and GC next month PF?

Smileless, I spoke to you about what happened w/ Mr. S. on another thread. But just want to add here that I realize that difficult moments like that must make one all the more conscious of a CO when there is one (sigh).

I'm sorry Mr S had complications smileless but glad it's done. Hope he will go from strength to strength now.
I can imagine how harrowing and lonely that must have been. I vividly remember our ES having surgery as a young boy and the wait was terrible, and I had DH with me. Family are so precious, and the fact that we all have someone missing from our lives, in a way that we could never have forseen and find hard to understand, is just underlined all the more when health scares happen or when difficult times fall on those of us left.

Same here Smileless

Pf...hope you and mr pf are ok?

Sending you hugs Smileless. I hope Mr S will be back in the nest very soon, fit and well!

You're right 3nanny, it was the first time in a long time that I wished he could have been here, for his dad and for me.

Hi Smileless2012; pleased to hear that Mr. S. is over his surgery, that must have been a worry when things did not go as planned. I do hope he is feeling better in himself and will soon be on his way to recovery.

It can be hard when you feel alone like that and with your son being in Australia the distance can be magnified when all you need is someone to be close. I think perhaps at times like that there is a need you wish you had the connection with E.S.

With my E.D. there were many times she argued with me and did not talk for a few weeks and if something happened to upset me I would always wish that she could be there for me and maybe show a little compassion, but sadly she never did it would always be me that had to pick up the pieces of her upsets you are right it can make you feel very alone in certain situations.

Soon Mr. S. will be home and things will start to look better.

Morning ladies. Mr. S. is OK after surgery yesterday but it didn't go as planned and there were complications; it looks as if he'll be in hospital for a week and not the 3 nights we expected.

I had the longest 5 hours of my life, waiting for him to get back to the ward and not knowing what was happening. With DS in Aus. I felt so alone and just wished I'd had ES to talk too. I've never felt so alone.

Sigh...

Thank-you Starlady I know what you mean about the gifts, it has now gone very much beyond me what actually goes on in my daughters mind and when she is putting up barriers to any communication with me but trying to talk to me through her sister then the time has come for me to stop dancing to her tune and to put an end to using the GC like pawns, we are all losers in this type of behaviour even my estranged daughter but she just cannot see it at the moment.

Good news, Smileless! Hope Mr. S doesn't mind too much that it's a different specialist though. Wishing him the best!

3Granny, so sad about the children's other GPs. Their (the GPs') loss most of all, however, IMO.

As for the gifts/visits issue, I'm another one who doesn't get it. If you (general parent) don't want your kids to see their GPs, why would you seek gifts from those GPs? Height of inconsistency, IMO! So very sorry!

Smileless2012 ; pleased to hear that Mr. S. is now going into hospital on Thursday wishing him a speedy recovery.

Rhinestone: just an answer to your post asking why the other grand-parents do not see the children. I left a previous post explaining that the father of the children was of Pakistani origin, so his parents being Pakistani wanted a Pakistani wife for him to carry on their culture as my daughter is not Pakistani they did not accept her as his partner and also would never acknowledge his children, so the children have never known them.

Good news Smileless
*3nanny6*Why don’t the other grandparents want to see their GC?
Our four year old GC was ripped away from the only grandfather ( my DH)five years
ago. We watched him once a week for all that time. I know how your heart breaks

Good to hear smiless. Hope every thing goes well now.

Yes it is FlyingSolo

That's good news, Smileless

Just had a 'phone call from the hospital, Mr. S. is booked in for Thursday with a different specialist due to a cancellation.

The lady responsible for compiling Mr. S.'s specialists surgery lists was off today so he has to 'phone again tomorrow.

Why in some organisations, does everything seem to grind to a halt when one person is off? grrrrrrr

Thank-you once again Smileless2012 and it is such along story as to any other grand-parents and I suppose I did not always give it too much thought as long as someone cared about them then that is all that bothered me. For myself there is not a partner and my 3 childrens paternal father died when they were young but I always had wonderful support from my own parents to help me and the children were raised with much love from their grandparents who have sadly died now.

In regard of the grand-parents of the two older children I had the view that they would not be welcomed into the family. To cut along story short my daughter met the young man (5 years younger than her) and he was born in Uk but of Pakistani decent. I felt no racism or anything like that but when my daughter seemed to be getting close to him I very jokingly told her be careful as his culture can be different and maybe children would not be wanted. She told me she had no thoughts to get pregnant and have children but it happened and she had the 2 children and in fact the children were not acknowledged by his family which is what I had said to her, they still do not know the GPs on his side after almost 8 years. I will say that his sister who is 2 years older than him wanted to know about her 2 nieces and has contact with them and cares about them. I think the children were about 2 years old when she began to have some contact. I do not even know his parents and could pass them in the street and not even know them.
I think the reason I put up with so much from my daughter was to give the children some insight and consistency of what a grand-parent is and heaven knows what they even wonder what has happened to me it is so sad sometimes.
Too long a post to go into the background of the youngest child as he had a different father I will save that for another day. Have kept information about things minimal because of being recognized but now it's out there.

To take away her children's only GP, who has been a part of their lives for almost 8 years is cruel and selfish to you all 3nanny.

Smiless2012 ; Madgran77 and hugshelp thank-you for your posts of yesterday in regard of my daughter and the gifts. It is a sad situation I know when my estranged daughter phones her sister to ask where the childrens gifts are and even how she can justify that in her own head I do not know.
I went into a card shop yesterday and bought birthday cards some which will be from me and some for my brother, I told him I will put £5 into the cards which is a very small nominal amount considering what I usually spend on them. I will put the cards in the post and wait for some indignation and name calling on my EDs account when she tells her sister what a mean and stingy old lady that mum is.
I will just tell my eldest daughter that I am now making a stand and if I am no longer seeing the children then this is how things will be. My daughter is selfish and cruel to do this to her children as I have been the only grand-parent in their lives for almost eight years (no GP) on the fathers side at all. I have been consistent and stable in their lives and now I have been disposed of like a pair of old shoes. Take care all and my motto is now what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Goodness, how selfish to deny you contact but expect presents * 3nanny6* - I really do wonder what goes on in someone's head when they do something like that. I can't imagine how you can justify it to yourself if you do it.

agnurse It's not always accurate to assume that no return means the gifts were accepted.

That is true agnurse but in this case the estranged AC is ringing her sister asking where presents from her mother to her children are!!

So frustrating for Mr. S. I hope he gets a new date this next week Smileless .
We decided to not send gifts to the two boys as we could see my ESS keeping the gifts and telling the EGC that they were from them or someone else. We don’t send cards to the GC because their parents would throw them away. I’m sure they don’t want their boys to ask who Papa and Nana are. I don’t think the older one will remember his first four years and us anyways. So sad to think how our GC could be ripped away from us . So cruel and mean.
Read another article about how our children’s generation feel no obligation to us like we did to our parents most of us. I have friends who are heartbroken that they have to fly across the nation to see their GC. They should be in our shoes and see the difference.

There is no point if the children don't know they're from their GM 3nanny. Maybe you should just send cards. It will be interesting to see if your D contacts her sister to see if you have birthday presents at your house, like she did at Christmas.

I agree, it's very cruel for your GC.

We'll keep pressing for a date and keeping our fingers crossed.