*SUPPORT* for all who are living with estrangement

How wonderful, Yoga! And such a good omen for other EPs!

Thank you to everyone for all the good wishes and kind thoughts.

I am so happy for you Yogagirl that is wonderful for you and does give me a little hope that just maybe, one day...

I know what you mean about 'surviving' Christmasses smileless - sometimes just getting through the day with a smile for others plastered on is achievement enough in itself. I actually quite enjoyed some of Christmas day, thanks to our wonderful DD and my wonderful DH. I didn't just glue the smile on for them all day as I have the last 2 Christmasses. But then I woke up boxing day feeling guilty about the fact I'd forgotten to be sad some of the time...
I guess that's how people who are bereaved feel when they have good days too.
We had a dog lodger for the week, and though he's a character I've discovered I'm rather allergic to him. So I've spent the week on antihistamines and extra eye drops hiding from a dog that wanted constant cuddles. Oops, well at least we didn't get a dog for keeps before I found this out. DH has been walking the little chap to give me a break and his step count is very impressive!
Onwards and upwards Rhinestone, we will all be cheering you on as you take care of you. x
It is interesting what you son said about the friends and family thing Yogagirl, when I think about it I have often seen posts on various social media sites where younger people seem to define all sorts of people as their 'family' while often not valuing their birth family at all. And it all seems to be based on calling anyone who agrees with everything you say as family. 'this is my new family now, they get me'. And yet when I think of my family and my true friends it is often when they gently challenge me that I learn something and grow (yes even as a fossil I find this still happens a lot). Not sure where I'm going with this train of thought but I think there's something in there to ponder...

Well done for getting through every one, wobbles and all.

Smileless Need a medal symbol re: that 33 page thread I've just read, how you kept going I don't know, but very well done & with your heart felt poem too.

Petit My son said that it was his circle of friends, all with the mindset that friends were family and birth family not important. He said in the last 3yrs he matured and then realised it was actually the other way around.
We just seemed to slot back as we were, right from the beginning. My son was always a very loving, considerate & homely boy/man, which is why my DD & I couldn't understand why he would follow his sister into this tragic estrangement, but for sure lead by my estD's husband, without him none of this estrangement would have happened.

Other than the above, we haven't spoken more about the estrangement. My DD & I would really like to know about my estD, what's been happening in her & GC lives this last 7yrs. How a young girl, that has a mum & sister that love & adore her & her children, a mum that would catch a grenade for her [as the song goes] could cut us out and be left with a husband and m.i.l that did her great harm and said terrible things to her, I will never understand. Of course I do understand she has been brainwashed, but no husband of mine could have brainwashed me to do such a terrible thing to my good kind gentle mother, sister & little girl in this 7yr estrangement.

My dear dear friend, how lovely to see your post here Yogagirl.

You welcomed me the very first time I posted here on the support thread; 7 years ago. I understand why you rarely post here now and even though we keep in touch, I do miss you.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that things are going well with you and your DS. We've shared so much over the years so I know how you longed for this; a dream come true.

Dear Rhinestone another dear and long time friend here, I hope you do start to look after yourself more. You give so much of yourself to others that I think sometimes there's not enough left for you.

Thank you Sparkly I used to write poetry quite a lot but haven't for some time, until that one. Maybe 2020 will be the year I write it more often.

I had a wobble late yesterday afternoon and managed to keep it away from Mr. S. I was thinking 'well that's another Christmas survived; they're always going to be like this now, something to get through rather than enjoy'.

itstormy and PF . Hope your D and new GD are doing well.

Loved your poem Smileless, once a year we hope.

Yesterday was going well kept myself busy with nice films, nice food. Had an overwhelming wobble like a mild panic attack around 9pm. You, know ladies who are ES, the kind of life is going to always be like this, I will never see my DGC and DS again.

Anyway, pulled self together and off to see friends nearby this afternoon.

It will soon be over ???

Yoga that’s wonderful.....

Muffin I don’t think it matters if you did or didn’t say anything to your daughter about your DH. It seems her mind was made up or her pride kept her from asking about him. My DM told my son about my pain last spring with a disc problem and he never called either. It’s like he may have cared but his pride at always being right prevented him from doing so. One thing I am working on with a psychologist I see is taking care of myself . I put others in my life ahead of my own needs and I’m paying the price having just had an upper stomach test. So this new year I am making my goal to be that of doing what’s best for me first . This estrangement of both son and stepson has taken its toll.

Congratulations PFand Yogagirl.How wonderful to have that reconnection. I’m so happy for both of you. Yes we never know how things will turn out do we?

Sorry, I didn't read your post properly Yoga, as I see that you are yet to speak properly. My apologies, I was just so pleased at your news that I raced to the end of your post

Yoga, what a lovely heart-warming post to share with us this Christmas. I am so happy for you.

Did you not feel hurt and anger though at his earlier treatment of you and the wasted years? Did he give you a proper explanation? Did you talk in depth or did you just pick up from where you were prior to the estrangement?

I ask this because I am, on the surface at least, reconciled with DD, after much shorter but still painful semi-estrangement, during which period she got married and had a baby (14 months old before she shared the information). I therefore have serious trust issues going forward, so would be grateful for any tips or advice on how to proceed.

In the meantime, I hope you are having a very, very happy Christmas with your DS and maybe DD will follow in due course.

Yogagirl Lovely news for you! X

Happy Christmas
I hope everyone on here had a good Xmas, I had food poisoning from a prawn sandwich the day before, cooked the Xmas dinner, but ate nothing till hours later when the Xmas pud came in, all aflame, with cream, not a good idea, even though I had only a few bites

I meant to come on here Xmas eve, but run out of time, to maybe give a little hope to all those estranged. My son estranged himself shortly after my D, sucked in by my estD's husbands. 7yrs and 8 Xmas later, same as Smileless we came on at the same time and share a similar story, but for; Smiles stayed silent and I went to court for visitation order to see my beloved GC, both of us haven't seen any of them since! I did pm Smiles 5 weeks ago with my news, but want to share here now, to give hope.

Always keep the door open is good advise. This I did with my son, Xmas & birthday e-cards, never a reply. This year I said to my DD, 'no more' but come his birthday at the end of Oct. I sent him an e-card, he always opened his birthday cards, but not always Xmas [think he was with estD]. I was saddened when this year, 10 days later, his card was unopened. 2 weeks later I got a notification that he had opened it, at the end of that week I got an email from him, first in more than 6yrs!

It started off very negative, but then went on to say he realised he had been wrong, he has matured and wants a reconciliation! He has been back living with me for 5 weeks now, feels longer. We get on really well, no problems at all.
Tiny snippets of conversation about estD, but yet to talk properly. She has not spoken to him since he moved back home and reconciled with me & he's sister. We are all very happy to have him back, my GC, he's nieces, love him & now he's seen aunts & uncles he hadn't seen for all these years and he will hopefully see the rest of the family, that live in London, when we go next Monday for an Xmas gathering.

So you see, out of the blue things can change, I had no idea if I would ever see my son again, imagined him getting married and having children without me & he's sister in his life.

Keep the flame glowing, keep that door open a crack and keep hope alive that this is you, maybe even before New Year, who knows! I hope the same for my estD & GC that I loved with all of my heart and soul.

For you all

Morning everyone, I hope you all had a good day yesterday.

We were entertained by our dogs playing with their new toys, they both got the same but wanted the one the other one was playing with!!

Hoping today is perhaps a little easier for all those struggling with estrangement. Xmas and birthdays loom in front for many of us on here.

Mrst1405 we understand

Happy Christmas to you all xx

Happy Christmas to everyone on this thread! Its a hard time of year for so many for so many different reasons. I hope everyone can find something to bring a little joy or spark of pleasure, in amongst the sadness that they might be experiencing xx

Mrst1405 It is like a bereavement and so hard. Many on here do understand. Come back whenever you need to, this thread is not just for Christmas!

It is like a bereavement Mrst1405 - there are people on here who do accept that.
The pain can be terrible, and Christmas often brings it to the surface.
Thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful day.

I've not read the whole thread but I just want to say I miss my dd so much. Its 11 years and 2 g sons, and I know she's ill with some sort of auto immune disease. It's like a death , but no one really accepts that.

I know what you mean hugshelp but that scream when he has the spider on his forehead gets me every time.

So pleased to hear your news PF, congrats and love to you all.
Sorry for your pain muffin and sallywally - there are so many on here who know your pain and feel for you. I hope that is a little comfort.
Watched 'home alone' tonight, it used to be a favourite of mine, but somehow the family reunion of the neighbour who had been estranged just hit me in the wrong way.
Hopefully will find my mojo again by morning.
Wishing you all peace and love.

Sallywally That is so hard for you

You've found friends here muffin who will always be here to listen.

Our ES was the same, he was as near perfect a son that anyone could have wished for, until he got married.

Sallywally x

So many people carrying so much sorrow. My daughter cut os off after the birth of her first child (now aged five and and a half). I am still at a loss to understand why. She has turned up at one or two family events, but is monosyllabic at any attempts at communication. I have only seen her little son a couple of times when he was a baby.

The pain is as fresh today as it was five years ago.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.