AEC thread. Feel free to chat or add helpful resources here.

How abuse as a child leads adults to abusive partner relationships and familiar patterns.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/enlightened-living/200807/understanding-the-dynamics-abusive-relationships

Books! Will I Ever be Good Enough. Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers by Karyl McBride is amazing. As is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Great link ananimous

Just posted on another thread that it's interesting how some of these links are beneficial to EP's and EAC even though you may not think so at first glance

Its interesting that you chose to only look at one side of the coin. One side of the coin yes should show you that these links are beneficial to EPs and EAC. Because again everyone reserves the right to be left alone, remain in peace and away from the people they chose not to be in their lives - Fundamental right!

The other side of the coin should show you the benefit it has for EGP. Hopefully they get to understand that peope who want to be left alone should be left alone. Others like issendai can help an EGP stop playing the victim card, prevent them from sending unwanted cards and gifts especially after being asked NOT to - Or going to knock on their EAC door with gifts, and help them change their expectations.

So to conclude (thought you were against blanket statements but anyway) that they only help one party is your individual perspective that you're obviously entitled to. But that does'nt mean that such statements hold any weight just because you made an individualized opinion and are trying to inform the group how they may or may not think? No one will rely on your perspective or train of thought as truth. Theres a word for that but I'll leave it out of this discussion

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Just posted on another thread that it's interesting how some of these links are beneficial to EP's and EAC even though you may not think so at first glance.

Helllllo Starblaze, 3 weeks to Xmas! Lol! Festive fever ;)

Have you seen this guy's channel? www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUgI2dDpfJI Very good!

Fantastic links ananimous, thank you!

You've made me laugh too.

I have a deep love of English in all its ridiculous complexity. So does my daughter who starts English at uni next year. You only need to listen to the 3 different c sounds in pacific ocean to know what I mean.. anyway:

The word "my" is a determiner or a modifying word.

Yes it can mean "belonging to"

It also means "associated with"

I do not "own" this thread, this thread however would not be here without being written and posted by myself.

For example: "My child" does not express that my child is owned by me. My child is simply a product of my efforts and a person in their own right..

Or a product of my association with my husband.

If anyone needs to know what context I am using "association" in, then it's the fact of being connected to "something" in the case of this thread, or "someone" in the case of my husband (who I also do not own)

I just made myself laugh.

Oops! Forgot to add this... www.standalone.org.uk/

Thanks for that post ananimous it demonstrates the boundaries of common decency that should be respected, but sadly often aren't.

It looks like you have some triangulating, vindictive, toxic, bullying stalkers @Starblaze. Remember - A wise man once said of arguing with idiots: It's like wrestling with a pig, cos both of you get dirty, but only the pig enjoys it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvOsDGyRns8

This isn't your thread, threads don't belong to the person who started them. You seem to confuse being disagreed with as being attacked.

As far as I'm aware the only boundaries that anyone should expect to be respected are ones of common decency. Differences of opinion to be offered without personal abuse, bullying and sweeping derogatory statements for example.

To be fair, the context of ignoring people coming to my thread was specifically ones who were looking for excuses to attack me and were in fact the main ones who felt that my boundary should be ignored.

Your specific context was very straightforward and easy to understand. I'm Not very sure why this is being taken out of context.

But I'm going to leave it there, chat to those happy to have a nice chat and go back to minding my own business.

To be fair, the context of ignoring people coming to my thread was specifically ones who were looking for excuses to attack me and were in fact the main ones who felt that my boundary should be ignored.

I never sawr a living dinosaur .. And yet .. But I sawr Pinnochio ..

OutsideDave "I don’t know Smileless- why does that happen in the estranged parents support thread?"

Where is that thread? Title? Thanks

I shouldn't have used that word regardless and I apologise for that. Some words have been in my vocabulary before I understood they were derogatory.

There isn't an estranged parent support thread here on GN OutsideDave there is a thread for all who are living with estrangement.

The first was started more than 7 years ago, and has been running consistently ever since. I don't know the exact title of the first, or the exact titles for the ones that followed, but there was never one entitled for example 'EP's/GP's thread ........' and I have never seen an EP/EGP advise others to ignore comments from EAC, which was posted on this thread a few days ago.

Chewbacca Tue 03-Dec-19 19:49:19

What a loony

That's personal abuse. Reported.

Really? What if the implied reference was "Silly?" - which isn't an abusive word? Why would you instantly think its the other degrading word? And without any inquiry to the poster who knows the real impliacsrion behind it? Seems like you're just looking for a reason to be unnecessarily over dramatic - as usual.
.

Closing ranks and making sweeping statements and generalisations shows an inability to be open to the experiences of others.

Ok! But when you mentioned this below - can't you see how it comes across as a huge double standard to your comment above?

didn't find the other two links either informative or helpful. Rather than explaining differences, they were IMO extremely one sided.

As for the statement below:

If you're confident that the decisions you have taken were the right ones for you, or the way you have dealt with the decisions that others have taken was right, why would you be reluctant to 'listen' to those whose decisions and experiences are different?

Because at times one just can't teach an old dog any new tricks. Some people are just too conformed in their "old ways," to ever experience any meaningful change. So when one becomes confident enough to understand this, confident enough to know that any meaningful change would only come from them, confident enough not to expect anything from the person they are choosing to move on in life without and confident enough to trust in decision making thats best for them - then they typically remain reluctant to listening to decisions or experiences that may be different. They've already found a stable and safe environement from their abuser and have moved on.

So when you say why would you be reluctant to 'listen' to those whose decisions and experiences are different? - I guess the real question is why should they dismiss their own ability to be confident enough in decision making. and instead rely on, and listen to others who have already made a their own "confident decisions?"

I don’t know Smileless- why does that happen in the estranged parents support thread?

It really made no sense at all, word salad..

To HolyHannah

Good grief.